Mahou Sensei Kain! Short Stories!
by Chris-Sasami-Bunny
Summary: This collection of shorts should have been put up a while ago. (Sorry, I didn't realize all of them took place so early.) They were written by the author, but didn't really fit well into their actual acts so he still wrote them and set them aside. Enjoy. (If you missed it somewhere, I am the Author's sister, posting these with permission.)
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: This is a nonprofit fictional story, a FanFiction based on Ken Akamatsu's Negima. I do not own Negima, or most of the other characters included in this work, excepting where it is stated in the author's notes. It is not intended or presented for any commercial profit or personal gain; it is simply a story written for personal fulfillment and presented for public enjoyment, and as an honest homage to the fine story conceived and written by Ken Akamatsu, as well as all the other (innumerable) works that find place herein (and their authors).

Side Story One: Nice to Meet You

 _[This story takes place early in Act 1, just after Kain arrived at Mahora Academy. The story takes place around Chapter Two.]_

8-8-8

It was early Friday morning. Yesterday Kain had arrived at Mahora Academy—and it had already been an exciting time. He had had two interesting encounters with Mai Tokiha, including one where she actually witnessed him using magic to save Nodoka Miyazaki from an accident.

Hopefully such events wouldn't be the standard here at Mahora. Kain attempted to put all such thoughts out of his mind and concentrated on what he could do. Right now, that wasn't much—he wouldn't begin to teach class until Monday, so his actual duties were none. But Kain was a stranger in a strange land, and everything was fascinating to him. This school, in particular, bore investigating….

His very first destination after leaving his room was the plaza in front of the World Tree. Eventually this little location, this fountain here in front of it, would become Kain's little spot to read, think, do his paperwork, and the rest, but his first time seeing it….

"You're Kain Lockeheart- _sensei_ ," a pleasant feminine voice addressed him. He turned and glanced up in surprise. At the top of the steps, heading towards the World Tree, was a young woman, dressed in the telltale school uniform of the girls' middle school—red coat over a white dress shirt and a short white skirt. She was tall for a girl her age, and beautiful, with long golden blond hair adorned by two red ribbons, and her eyes were as blue as the sea. Kain's excellent memory recalled her…after all….

"You're our new homeroom teacher…Takahata- _sensei_ introduced you to us yesterday," the girl continued, voicing Kain's own thought. "I'm Sendô Erika, student number eleven of your class and the _fukukaichô_ for the girls' middle school. On behalf of our class, and all the student body, allow me to officially welcome you to Mahora Academy."

She stretched out an open hand towards Kain. The young man was a bit surprised by this invitation, but he quickly smiled and answered it. "Thank you, Sendô- _san_ ," he stated, ascending the steps and reaching out to take her hand.

To the viewer at home, their hands would seem to slow as they neared each other. Drifting together like two ponderous planets, the hands' slower tempo is obviously designed to call attention to a detail that is coming…and as the two hands were about to touch, there was a flash between them, one that Kain couldn't discern, but this 'flash' was a sudden emotion that came over Erika Sendô. Her eyes widened in shock and she suddenly stumbled backwards, withdrawing her hand. She collapsed to her rump and began to crabwalk away on her hands until she bumped into a small stone wall below the tree. Kain stared at her, his mouth open, his hand still outstretched.

Erika continued to stare at him in fright, as if he was some monster that was after her blood. "Eh?" he offered in confusion.

"…Kain… _sensei_ …Sendô- _fukukaichô_ …is something wrong?"

Kain and Erika both looked over at Mai, who was passing by, apparently on her way to the classroom, with Momo and Kagome, as usual, flanking her. She stared at this scene, trying to figure out the meaning of these two indecipherable positions.

"Ah…Tokiha- _san_!" Erika leapt to her feet and bowed. "Kagome- _san_ , Hinamori- _chan_ …I'll leave this to you. I-I just remembered, I have important work to do before the day starts…I've got to go! P-properly greet Kain- _sensei_!" And with this injunction, she fled the scene.

Kain stared after her, blinking, stunned, for several seconds. Then he turned to the three girls, who were looking at him with interest. Mai broke the silence first. "That was pretty incredible, Kain- _sensei_. You've already scared off our _fukukaichô_. What did you do this time?"

"I-I didn't do anything!" Kain protested, flushing. "S-she just…greeted me…and was about to shake my hand…when she suddenly screamed and started running away…."

"That's not her usual reaction to men," Kagome noted. "You must be very special, Kain- _sensei_."

"I'm sure there's some good reason," Momo assured him. "Would you like to accompany us to the class? Maybe you can make up with her there…."

Kain scratched his head and sighed. "No…I should probably stay away for the moment." He glanced over and saw a particularly tall building that had attracted his attention. "Maybe I'll go look around a little more right now…you girls better hurry to class, I'll be fine…."

Erika stood behind a pillar, out of sight of the others. She breathed heavily and shivered, grasping her shoulders in order to support herself. "That was…the first time I've ever felt…." Her mutterings trailed off. "So…Kain Lockeheart, then…?"

8-8-8

A few hours later, Erika gazed out the window at the red-haired figure Kanade Yûki was dragging around the grounds. Her older brother sat in a desk and watched the watcher. "So," Iori Sendô asked, "how was it?"

Erika was silent for a moment before cryptically replying, "There's no what or how; it feels like something weird is moving in my body all on its own. I won't let it move me, though."

"Hmm?" Iori smiled. "What are you talking about? As your brother, I'm interested in that curious story, but I was asking about our newest happy magical friend."

Erika turned back to glare at him. "…You _tanuki_."

"Hmm?" Iori suddenly had a _tanuki_ mask on his head. "Are you saying I tricked you?"

Erika pointedly ignored Iori's teasing and continued, "I know…you're talking about Kain Lockeheart- _sensei_ , right? Well, he certainly doesn't look bad…he seems quite polite and sociable. I'm not sure if he's worthy of the ponderous name he's inherited, but I'd say…he seems a good person, overall…."

"Well…thank you for your calm opinion. Now, what about your personal opinion, then?"

"W-what do you want to hear, then!?" Erika demanded angrily, red-faced.

She calmed herself and turned away from the window and started walking away. "Oh, well. He may not be…a 'happy' friend for me, after all…."

"Is that so?" Iori offered before she departed. "But that's tragic, since you'll be seeing so much of each other…."

Erika walked out the door without replying.

8-8-8

Saturday morning Kain was out and about again. There was, of course, no school on Saturdays—for a time, many Japanese schools did have a half-day on Saturday, but the custom had died out recently—and so many students were out and about, engaged in more of their clubs. Others were off in town, enjoying themselves, but for the new arrival, there was little to do but explore. He'd already had the opportunity to get all his necessary teaching notes from Takamichi, so he was already prepared to teach….

As he wandered about the school grounds, a young girl suddenly burst into view, obviously in a state of panic. She had long white-silver hair bound in two pigtails, and was dressed in the uniform of the girls' middle school…but she also wore a kind of white shawl or mantle around her shoulders and a white beret on her head. Her blue eyes were full of fear as she glanced around frantically. "Yukimaru!" she called. "Yukimaru! Where are you!?"

She nearly collided with Kain as she blundered about. "O-oh…! I-I'm sorry…." She gazed up at him in surprise and, perhaps, awe. "Er…."

"Easy…easy…" Kain murmured. "Are you all right? What's the matter?"

"Ah, er…that is…I was looking for Yukimaru…he's disappeared again…."

"Yukimaru? Who is that? Perhaps you should explain everything…."

"I-I'm sorry….I'm Tôgi Shiro, first year middle school student. Y-Yukimaru is the pet rabbit owned by the chapel…I was looking after him, but he escaped from his hatch…."

"I see. Perhaps I can help."

"E-eh? B-but…."

"It's not a problem. I'm Kain Lockeheart…I'm a new teacher here. I'll help you look for him."

Her eyes opened even wider, if that were possible. "Eeeh? You're…that Kain Lockeheart- _sama_!?"

"Ah…yes…you've heard of me?"

"Ah, er, yes, o-of course….."

"Well, we won't find Yukimaru by standing around talking about that," Kain continued, trying to hide his embarrassment. "So…what does he look like?"

"Ah…he's a pure white rabbit…just like your cloak…."

"I see…well, hopefully he won't be too hard to find. You've…looked for him before, after he's escaped?"

"Y-yes…."

"Well, where have you found him before? We should start looking there, I think…."

Shiro told him several places that the errant rabbit tended to frequent, and due to their number, Kain suggested that they split up to search for him more easily. He also said he would pass the word on to anyone else he encountered.

It was Shiro, however, who first encountered a fellow on her explorations. She nearly bumped into a hapless innocent once again….

"Shiro- _chan_ …what's the matter?"

"Oh…Erika- _senpai_! Ah, I was looking for Yukimaru…."

8-8-8

"I see," Erika noted as she explored for the rabbit alongside her _kohai_. "You let him go again…but you have…Kain- _sensei_ helping you look?"

"Yes! He seems quite nice…the s-son of Kalan Lockeheart…." She glanced up at the older girl's face. "Is there…something wrong, Erika- _senpai_?"

"No, it's nothing. We better find Yukimaru before the sister finds out…or your brother begins to worry about you…."

"O-oh, r-right!"

The usual spots they searched were empty of white rabbits, and so they began to make their way towards where Kain was already searching.

Down on the soccer field, some students were practicing. Erika and Shiro didn't pay them very much attention as they continued looking for the rabbit, but their attention was actually largely taken up by Shiro's questions.

"Kain Lockeheart- _sensei_ is your new English and homeroom teacher?"

"Yes. He's taking over for Takahata- _sensei_ starting Monday."

"I see…but you seem…troubled somehow…."

"It's nothing, I tell you. I just…made an embarrassment of myself and…."

"Yukimaru! There he is!"

Their attention swung instantly to the chubby little rabbit as it hopped along next to the field. It was heading towards them, then suddenly stopped and looked up as they began to call its name and approach. Then, in proper contrary pet fashion, it turned and began to flee. Then it stopped suddenly and sat up, looking over at the field…and at the same time, an errant soccer ball began to fly through the air towards it. It just sat there, watching the flying missile with interest.

"Yukimaru!" Shiro screamed.

 _('I won't make it in time!')_ Erika's resolve hardened, and her eyes began to turn red as she prepared to charge in….

And then her attempt vanished as a new figure suddenly came flying in, snatching up the rabbit and diving aside just before the ball impacted it. He rolled two or three times before deftly coming to his feet, his cloak rippling around him. "Well, gotcha," he murmured to the struggling rabbit. "Come on now…there's a good boy, just calm down."

The rabbit did settle down as Kain patted it. Shiro came running up. "Yukimaru! _Yokata_ … _yokata_ …."

Kain handed the animal over to the girl. "Here he is. Please take good care of him, Tôgi- _chan_."

He smiled at her as she took the animal, but he started as Erika suddenly approached. To his surprise, she smiled at him. "Well, well, Lockeheart- _sensei_ …that was amazing. To try that hard to save a little animal…."

"Well, pets are part of the family, right?" Kain replied with a laugh. "I couldn't do nothing…."

"I guess not. Thank you very much, Lockeheart- _sensei_ …."

"Call me Kain, please, Sendô- _san_. I'm American, and not much for hearing my last name so much…especially, I'm sorry to say, by the Japanese."

Erika laughed. "Fine then…Kain- _sensei_. I'll say it again. Thank you very much for your help." She bowed to him.

"T-thank you very much, Kain- _sensei_!" Shiro repeated, looking somewhat comical as she attempted to bow to Kain while retaining her hold on the animal.

"It's nothing. Just doing my part. Well, I shan't keep you ladies any longer…."

He turned to leave, but Erika suddenly cut in, "Wait." He turned back to her and, again to his surprise, she offered out a hand to him. "I'm sorry for yesterday. Let me try again. On behalf of all our students, I welcome you to Mahora Academy."

Kain stared at the hand, then smiled and reached out to take it…and then he stopped suddenly. Erika looked at him in surprise as he stared at her hand. "You aren't going to scream and run away again, are you?"

Erika reddened. "S-sorry for that…no…I'm fine now…."

Kain's smile returned and he took the hand. "Thank you, Sendô- _san_. I'm happy to be your teacher. I hope we have an enjoyable time together."

In the shadows of the nearby buildings, Iori Sendô and Seiichirô Tôgi watched them. "Well, well," Iori muttered. "Perhaps she has a new 'happy friend' after all, eh? What do you think, Sei- _chan_? About our newest esteemed teacher?"

Seiichirô watched them and calmly pressed the bridge of his glasses. "Someone like him…will attract interest from many different sources. At least here he will be safer, but word will get out before too long…especially if he is anything like his father. And even so, many different people in this school will have various desires concerning him. What about Kaya- _sama_? Do you think…?"

"Who's to say? Well, he isn't nearly anything as bold and impetuous as his father, but from the look of him and what he just did, anyone trying to control him will be in for a surprise…even Kaya- _sama_ …."

The children they watched had no idea what destiny had in store for the two of them, or what they would see together in the future, but now, as they settled the strange beginning they had shared, and Erika's pressing sentiment temporarily subsided, they decided that this was not a bad start….

F I N

 _Author's Note: Character Introduction: Shiro Tôgi_

 _The first side story is quite short and sweet, for various reasons. I wanted to put this in the story, but never really saw the chance to do so, since I was rushing through to all the more 'interesting parts'. And, in fact, it's much shorter than it should be, because while I am adapting (stealing, as usual) the Fortune Arterial introductory story between Kohei and Erika, several parts didn't fit for several reasons. Initially, after this strange first encounter with Erika, Kohei is abducted by Iori and meets her again in the student council room, where she freaks out, and Iori then 'rewards' Kohei, as I've mentioned before, by switching the signs over the curtains for the boys' and girls' baths, and he wanders in on a naked Erika. Then after this she calls him out to a 'confession spot' with the intention of apologizing for slapping him after the incident, since it was Iori's fault. However, he ends up standing her up because he encounters Iori sucking blood and is so disturbed by this he forgets everything and wanders off to have a lie down or something (I'm really condensing here). So then, during the academy's introductory speech, she actually spotlights Kohei and delightedly tells everyone that, no matter how lonely they are, they shouldn't wander into the girls' bath. After this humiliation, he has a similar scenario to what I've shown, helping Shiro find Yukimaru, and since Erika sees his valiance and meets him after, they can finally make up a little for their rough start._

 _It's very cute and quite humorous, but I can't use it (the entirety) for several reasons, largely because I made it clear when Erika finally appeared (along with her brother) that Kain had never met Iori before this. Ah, well. This little encounter does make a cute sidestory_

 _N ow, this story guest stars Shiro Tôgi, Seiichirô's little sister. She's an adorable little character, one of the five heroines of Fortune Arterial, and an enthusiastic little helper in many functions. A year younger than Kohei and Erika, she's fine as a year younger here as well. She helps out as a member of Laurel Ring—that's the meaning of her white mantle—meaning she helps take care of the chapel. She mostly looks after the rabbit, too, but he often escapes and she has to track him down…with help from our protagonists, of course. She won't have much to do with the story, but I might have her appear from time to time…I almost threw her in the Festival a few times._

 _Interestingly, one of the things I've kind of failed to do with the story is include much regarding the school's chapel. Mahou Sensei Negima, My-HiME, and Fortune Arterial all had chapels affiliated with their academies, yet I've never bothered with any of the associated sisters, not even the Negima ones—of course, it didn't help that I jettisoned the (very boring) nun-in-training member of Negi's class. I also have other plans for Yukariko from My-HiME, so...it just never came up. Oh well. Perhaps sometime…._

 _Anyway, on to the next story! For the most part, I'm going to try keeping these in chronological order…._


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: This is a nonprofit fictional story, a FanFiction based on Ken Akamatsu's Negima. I do not own Negima, or most of the other characters included in this work, excepting where it is stated in the author's notes. It is not intended or presented for any commercial profit or personal gain; it is simply a story written for personal fulfillment and presented for public enjoyment, and as an honest homage to the fine story conceived and written by Ken Akamatsu, as well as all the other (innumerable) works that find place herein (and their authors).

Side Story Two: It's My Party

 _[This story takes place in early March, between chapters four and five of Act 1.]_

8-8-8

"Hinagiku- _san_ 's birthday?"

"That's right!" Izumi chortled. "It's the third! During the Hinamatsuri Festival!"

"Hinamatsuri…oh, I think I read about that." Kain lifted his eyes to the ceiling as he recalled the matter. "Yes, the Girls' Festival, as it were….so, she was named for that, eh?"

"In any case, Kain- _sensei_ , we have big plans for her birthday," Miki continued. "We're going to throw her a big celebration while the Festival is going on, in the Student Council Building. We need you to show up to make it better."

"Well, of course I'll show up," Kain insisted quickly. "I feel it's important to take care of our students, of course. Still…." He frowned. "I didn't think that Hinagiku- _san_ was the kind of girl who would like such a big fuss made for her…."

"Oh, of course she isn't," Riza laughed. "She'll absolutely _hate_ it. She specifically said…."

 _"For my birthday? Let's see, I'd really like just a nice, quiet evening with my family and maybe a few of my closest friends…."_

"So, naturally we're throwing her the biggest party our combined wealth and influence can put together, and getting help from Kanade and Sakura too," Miki explained.

Kain stared at them, and then shook his head at this contrariness. "Right…well, I guess there's no way I can talk you out of it."

"Of course," Miki agreed. "You have to make sure to give her a proper present, too. Takahata- _sensei_ always remembered our birthdays. Speaking of which…."

"Segawa- _san_ , June 21st. Asakaze- _san_ , July 13th. Hanabishi- _san_ , September 9th. Don't worry, I'm well aware."

The three girls stared at Kain in disbelief. "What…you've already memorized all our birthdays?" Riza demanded.

Kain shrugged. "I'm good at memorizing things. It's one of my traits that helped me get a master's at age fourteen. And, of course, Takamichi did give me all that information."

"Well, that's good to know!" Izumi enthused. "In any case, why don't we go out shopping for Hinagiku- _san_ 's birthday present together?"

"Eh…."

"What's with that 'Eh'?" Riza demanded. "Are you reluctant to spend time in town with us, Kain- _sensei_?"

"Eh, no, it's just…."

"Well, we're wasting time here," Miki insisted crisply. "Let's head out!"

"…And what's this about?" Mai demanded, gazing at the four seated at the table. Kain waved apologetically while the other three argued about their orders.

"I'm being held captive against my will and being forced to go shopping with them," Kain said, pointing. "Apparently, this is shopping preparation. Or something."

"We're going shopping for birthday presents for Hina," Izumi explained cheerfully.

"Obviously, the teacher has to spoil our beloved president too," Riza continued.

"So, we're making sure he picks a good one," Miki finished.

"And you're paying for this, right?" the three chorused. Kain rolled his eyes.

"Hey, Mai," Miki suddenly asked after they ordered. "Are you off soon?"

"Eh? Well…a half-hour, perhaps…."

"Good. You can come with us."

"Eh? But…."

"No buts!" Riza insisted. "This is for our beloved _kaichô_! You have to come, too!"

8-8-8

Speaking of the invincible student council president, she was still back at school, doing someone else's job.

"Now, please hand in the papers," Hinagiku instructed the assembled students. They rose from their desks and brought their tests up. Several more brought questions with them.

"Um…how do you do this part?"

"Okay, just like this…." "Thank you!"

And so on. Finally, one by one, the other students filed out, the course completed. Only Hinagiku and a single teacher were left.

"Sorry for troubling you with these supplementary classes," Kyonosuke Kaoru offered. "You're a big help…."

"Ah, no, this is nothing," Hinagiku replied blithely.

"Your _sister_ always goes to the baseball game at these lessons," the teacher continued with a sigh.

"Why don't we just fire her?" Hinagiku asked. "This is a private school, after all…." She sighed herself. "I'm surprised you didn't call Kain- _sensei_ , though. I would think that he's more than qualified, and since he only has one class, he would have the most time…."

"Yes, I did call him, but I couldn't get through for some reason. Also, Izumi- _san_ and the rest were here, but they disappeared five minutes into the class. Well, if you find them, make sure to look over their work…we can't afford to let them fail."

"Yes… _those_ three…" Hinagiku muttered with a sigh.

 _('What did they do? Kidnap Kain-_ sensei _and use him as an excuse to get out of the class? They almost deserve to fail. Still…I just can't leave them alone….')_

Using a bit of reasoning and a bit of intuition, she headed out into town. "Now, where have they run off to?"

And she heard voices she recognized around the corner. "Hmm?"

"So, what should we do?" Izumi asked.

Yes, there they were—Izumi, Miki, and Riza, along with Mai…and….

"Hmm…I'm not sure…" Kain murmured.

Hinagiku ducked back around the corner. _('There they are! And with Kain-_ sensei _! But, why is Tokiha-_ san _also with them? And why am I hiding…?')_

"What kind of present would please Hinagiku- _san_?" Kain continued.

 _('What? Present…? For me? As in, my birthday present?')_

"I was thinking a cute stuffed doll might be pleasant enough…" Kain hazarded.

 _('Ah? Ah? A cute stuffed doll? That would be good….')_

"Why? That's far too childish for her," Riza insisted.

"Yeah, you're right," Miki agreed.

Hinagiku twitched.

"How about a flower? A rose or something?" Izumi suggested.

"No, she can be surprisingly stupid sometimes; she'd hurt herself on the thorns," Miki declared.

Hinagiku twitched again.

Riza thought for a moment. "How about a game? Like a DS or PSP or something."

"No, it would break as soon as we gave it to her," Miki insisted.

Mai finally offered a suggestion. "Well, all girls must like clothes or accessories, right?"

"Yeah," Riza agreed. "Something like iron knuckles or 'special clothes' might suit her…."

"Yeah, definitely," Miki said.

"N-no…I'm not sure what you're talking about, but that's not it…" Mai sighed.

Around her corner, Hinagiku was quivering with rage.

"Well, maybe we should split up," Miki finally decided. "We'll go looking this way, and you two go that direction, all right?"

"Whatever," Kain agreed with a sigh. "Best of luck."

"Ah…but finding a present for Hina is actually rather bothersome," Riza sighed.

"I know," Miki said. "Maybe she'd be happy with a soccer ball? Isn't she just like a little boy inside?"

"Who's actually a little boy inside?" Hina asked from behind. Very sweetly.

"Aah! Hina!"

"N-no! We were actually talking about a girl named Hina from a manga…."

"I-it was about Momo- _chan_! That's who!"

"Liars! Don't make obvious excuses!

"Really," Hinagiku continued with a sigh. "I was wondering what you three were up to while skipping lessons."

"Hehehe," Izumi giggled with a proper amount of embarrassment. "Sorry…."

"Anyway, wasn't that Kain- _sensei_ with you before?"

"Ah, yes…we were…." Miki hesitated, but then this cat seemed to be quite out of the bag, so she gave up. "We were bringing him with us to help pick you out a birthday present. Kain- _sensei_ 's all new to this, after all…."

"That's right," Riza continued. "And now he's using this as an excuse for a date! Even Kain- _sensei_ reveals himself…."

"Um, weren't _we_ the ones who insisted Mai- _chan_ come along…?" Izumi asked her.

8-8-8

"Sorry for getting you involved in this," Kain apologized as he and Mai walked along.

"Ah, no, don't worry about it," she assured him. "It's _their_ fault, after all. Really, they can't leave anything alone…."

Truth be told, she _was_ worried. Silly idea, really, but being sent off like this as a pair was…rather like…a date….

She tried to shove those kinds of thoughts aside. "So, what mischief are they planning for _Kaichô_?"

"Apparently, they're inviting everyone to a big party at the Student Council Building, completely contrary to her wishes."

"Of course they are. They do this every year; they never tire of it, and Hinagiku- _san_ somehow doesn't believe they'll do it to her _again_. Oh, well." She glanced askew at him. "Do you actually have an idea of what to get her for a birthday present. Kain- _sensei_?"

"I do, actually…I think I have a pretty good idea of a simple gift that will be well-appreciated. I'll get it later…when we aren't in danger of being stalked by your classmates."

"Eh?"

Mai started to glance behind her, but Kain caught her shoulder. "Hinagiku- _san_ has joined them, I think. They've recently started following us. I wonder if maybe they forgot that _they_ are the ones that invited you along in the first place."

"And how can you tell they're there…?"

"Ah, just a sense…not magic, not exactly…."

"Who are you, Golgo 13?" Mai muttered. "Now what?"

"Want to surprise them and put an end to this little silliness?"

Mai stared at him, then narrowed her eyes. "What do you have in mind?"

"Something simple. This way." He ducked down a side street and pulled Mai after him.

8-8-8

"Where'd they get too?" Miki cursed mildly. "They're surprisingly slick. I thought Mai was clumsier than that…."

"So why are we following them, exactly?" Hinagiku asked, annoyed.

"To see what they're going to do on their date!" Izumi explained.

"Didn't you just explain that _you_ were the ones that dragged Tokiha- _san_ and Kain- _sensei_ out here to go shopping? Did you set them up on a 'date' just to spy on them?"

"Of course not!" Riza insisted. "Anyway, Hina, don't you want to see what Kain- _sensei_ is going to get you for your birthday?"

"Kain- _sensei_ …?" Hinagiku shook her head. "I'll see it on my birthday anyway, won't I? Why should I want to spoil it?"

"I agree," Kain said amiably from behind them. "What's the point of a present if you know what it is beforehand?"

The trio started, and even Hinagiku turned around too quickly. "Coming up from behind…you're good."

"I swear, I'm _not_ Golgo 13," Kain sighed. "In any case, what are you doing here, Hinagiku- _san_?"

"Me? I was coming to fetch _these three_." Hinagiku pointed to _'these three'_. "They skipped out on supplementary lessons for failing students…."

Kain looked at the three. "Really?" he asked mildly, but there was a strange look in his eye.

 _"The teacher look!"_ Riza hissed.

 _"No, anything but that!"_ Izumi somehow wailed in a whisper.

 _"We're in trouble,"_ Miki agreed.

Kain smiled widely at them. "So, you took me out shopping with you when you should have been in lessons? Well, well. We can't have you three failing because of skipped lessons. We better get back to the school…."

"N-no! We just wanted to get a present for Hina! Honest!"

"Right, right…."

"W-w weren't goofing off! Not at all!"

"Of course, of course…."

"P-please show mercy!"

As Hinagiku helped Kain herd the three away, Mai watched them depart and finally smiled to herself. "Well, I guess he _can_ act like a teacher sometimes," she murmured, and then followed after them.

8-8-8

Several days passed. At last March 3rd, Hinamatsuri, dawned.

And set. The Festival began in the evening.

And Hinagiku walked into the first main hall of the student council building, only to be bombarded by noisemakers, cheering, and congratulations.

"Huh? W-what's this?"

"It's your birthday party, of course," Miki said matter-of-factly.

"Birthday party…? Why is it so grand, though…?"

"Did you forget?" Riza asked.

"We asked you how you wanted to celebrate, and you said you'd like just a quiet dinner with your family," Miki continued.

"So of course we made everything grand and magnificent!" Izumi finished.

"You did it to me again! Why do you always do this?"

"Because we're your friends, of course," Miki averred.

"If you're really my 'friends', why must you always do the opposite of what I want?"

"Meh, so what?" Yukiji asked cheerfully as she joined them. "This is fun anyways."

"Ah, _Onee-chan_ …."

Yukiji held out a small package. "Here's my present for you. Happy birthday, Hina."

Smiling and blushing with appreciation, Hina took it. "Th-thank you, _Onee-chan_. Well, even _Onee-chan_ is giving me a present…." She began to open it. "What could this be…?"

Then stared at the sheaf of small papers in her hand. "Shoulder massage coupons!" Yukiji explained proudly. "Don't worry! I'm pretty confident about my masseuse skills."

8-8-8

Kain wandered through the crowds of the Hinamatsuri Festival. This was his first festival experience in Japan…actually, since there was a distinct lack of notable festivals in his corner of Wyoming, this was quite frankly his first festival experience ever. Then again, with his one-track mind and ambitions, it was likely he wouldn't have taken notice of any festivals that had been going on….

He walked among the stalls, surveying the various games and shops, taking in everything around him. There were so many people milling about…this was also Kain's first experience with the massive crowds that Mahora's Six Traditional Events gathered from the surrounding community.

He had been ordered by the party-makers to delay his arrival until later on. So, he had all evening to enjoy himself. He wasn't sure _how_ he was going to enjoy himself, but it was a new thing, so he was ready to try to experience it….

8-8-8

"But is it really all right to throw a gigantic party like this?" Hinagiku asked.

"Don't worry," Miki replied. "As a daughter of a politician, it's my duty to host parties."

"Yes, but…this is much grander than previous years' parties…."

"Well…there is something special about this year. So, how was Kain- _sensei_ 's present?"

"Er, no…he hasn't given me anything yet…."

"Ah? Well, no matter. Kain- _sensei_ seems to have an impeccable sense of timing. I'm sure he'll show up soon. But the main character is here…."

"Shall we begin?" asked Riza.

"Huh?"

Miki went into presentation mode. "And now, our mighty class president will host a song!"

"What?" Hinagiku started. "What are you talking about!?"

Hinagiku suddenly found herself on a large stage that had been set up in the main hall of the building and dressed in a unique outfit. "Wait! How did you dress me like this? Where am I?" she demanded.

Nanami's voice came over the loudspeakers as Hinagiku noticed the half-headset complete with microphone that she now wore. "Well, our lovely _kaichô_ is celebrating her birthday by wearing one of Rakasu Klein's bolder outfits! She looks rather like her!"

"Although she's not nearly as well-endowed," Riza added unnecessarily.

"Now," the announcer continued, "we'll hear a song! Hinagiku will be singing Takahashi Yoko's 'A Cruel Angel's Thesis'."

As the crowd cheered, Hinagiku sputtered, "W-what? Wait! I-I can't sing! I…."

"Then, start the music!"

Despite her protests, as soon as it began, Hinagiku immediately fell into performance mode.

" _Zankoku no tenshi no you ni_

 _Shonen yo, shinwa ni nare…."_

8-8-8

Kain found the Festival interesting. It was his first time experiencing many of the Japanese sweets that were offered, and he found them palatable. The games were interesting…most were fair, difficult normally, although far too easy for him. A few had rigged their games, and Kain took great delight in fouling up their mechanisms.

He glanced up at the Student Council Building. The trio had been very specific. He wasn't to arrive with his present before around nine o'clock. It was nearly time now….

"Kain- _sensei_! Kain- _sensei_! Is that you?"

Kain turned as Caria came hurrying up to him. "Caria- _san_ …is something the matter?"

"Yes!" Caria proclaimed breathlessly. "I've lost him! He's gone! I-I've got to find him!"

"W-wait a minute, please," Kain begged the chattering girl. "Who's gone? Who's lost?"

Suddenly a gust of wind raced through the various stands at about knee height. It blew at several dresses, upset several treats held in hands, and actually bowled over a small stand as it passed through. To most it seemed merely to be a savage freak accident of nature, but Kain's sharp eyes detected a small cat-sized object at the center of the whirlwind.

"T-that's Eevee!" Caria moaned. "Oh, he's going to cause so much trouble! We have to catch him!"

 _('What the heck was that? Well, obviously, there's only one answer: Caria created some kind of crazy…something, and it's loose. In the school. During a very public festival. Great.')_ Kain glanced up at the Student Council Building again. He should be showing up soon….

 _('Sorry, Hinagiku. This is serious.')_

He turned and looked in the direction of the devastation. "Well, we better go catch him," Kain declared.

8-8-8

 _"O-zora wo daite kagayaku_

 _Shonen yo, shinwa ni nare!"_

Hinagiku even posed as she perfectly finished the song, thrusting a finger dramatically in the air. The crowd roared with approval.

"As expected, Hina can sure stir up a crowd," Miki opined.

"Singing a song she barely knows, and yet singing so passionately, even in a situation like this," Riza remarked.

Hina suddenly turned the fiery passion of her gaze on the three and used her attention to her advantage. "Now! The 2-A class representative trio, singing 'The Girl Who Leapt Through Time!'"

As the trio panicked, Sakura and Kanade appeared…with outfits prepared.

Revenge counterattack!

The night continues….

8-8-8

Most of the festival was in full swing still, but it was pretty easy to follow the path of destruction Eevee was causing. Luckily, it seemed his trail of destruction was drifting away from the stands…although it was heading towards the well-lit main hall of the Student Council Building….

"What _is_ he exactly?" Kain muttered to his student.

"Eevee is my recent pet. His name is Evolutionary Vehicle, or E.V. for short. He's designed to adapt himself to all sorts of situations. Now he's learned to run away…."

"Wait a minute…is Eevee some sort of robot?"

Caria looked at him, surprised. "Of course he is. What did you think he was?"

Kain shook his head. "Never mind…."

They slowed to a halt and began to look around. Kain frowned. "He's disappeared. There's no sign of him now…."

He glanced over and saw a _kimono_ -clad figure…Rei Ayanami. She was staring off between several buildings. Kain approached her. "Ayanami- _san_ …did you happen to see…something…small and fast run by here?"

Rei slowly turned to look at him, and then silently nodded. She then turned and pointed the way she'd been looking.

"It went that way?" She nodded again.

"Er…thank you," Kain muttered. Thinking quickly, he turned back to Caria. "Why…don't I take care of this myself, Caria- _san_? You…and Ayanami- _san_ …you can both stay here and watch for it, in case it comes back this way…."

"Ah?" Caria cocked her head to the side and considered Kain for a moment, then nodded. "Yes, that might be best…."

Kain nodded at the two and then turned and hurried between the buildings.

Once he was clear of his students, Kain began to prepare a spell to track the robot. It had a unique energy trail…no, different, not unique. It was, in fact, similar to another of his students….

Apparently the machine had grown tired of running and was now attempting to hide. Kain began to follow that energy signature, following it around a corner over to some bushes on the side of a path next to a building. He approached it carefully, trying to discern its nature. It was hiding in the bushes somehow…but he couldn't make it out. It was…invisible, perhaps?

As he approached, it somehow seemed to sense him. It suddenly became visible, but before he could get a proper look at it, it hopped into the air suddenly began to rotate, quickly becoming a kind of spinning wheel. It raced past Kain. A spell he attempted to grab the little spinning robot fell short.

Cursing slightly, Kain headed off after it.

8-8-8

" _Ara_ —but this is a lively party," the woman noted. Hinagiku's mother was middle-aged but still lively and rather youthful-looking, with shoulder-length blond hair.

"Meh," Hinagiku replied sourly, taking a sip of her juice. She was once again dressed in her usual school uniform. "The party finished a long time ago and it basically just became a singing competition. How many did I sing again…?"

"Ah, it doesn't matter. You were quite cute up there. It's a pity that your father couldn't attend this because he's abroad. His face is becoming hazier with each passing day…."

"Please keep this a secret from Dad," Hinagiku muttered.

"Yes, yes," her mother replied happily. "By the way…that watch you're wearing…it's from Kajirô- _kun_ , isn't it?"

"This? Yes…it's a Bulj…Bvlg…I can't pronounce the name, but it's a very nice watch…I guess it's kind of expensive, and I'm not sure it really suits me, but I can't very well ignore such a thoughtful gift…."

"I see," her mother offered thoughtfully. Only Kajirô Tsukai would gift Hinagiku with a super-expensive item of which he knew she couldn't even conceive the value. "Well, I thought that I would see your new teacher, Kain Lockeheart- _sensei_ , but it seems he hasn't come…."

 _('Kain-_ sensei _…will he really come…? Miki assumed that he would….')_

"Mother, go ahead and leave for home without me," she commanded as the rest of the party-goers slowly began to file out.

"Eh? Are you going to stay in the dorms tonight after all? I was hoping you'd come home at least today…."

"Perhaps…but there's something I still have to see…just in case…."

8-8-8

Kain's spells fell short of the fleeing robot as he pursued it…but at least he was able to herd it away from the rest of the school buildings. What would it take before the little pest ran out of energy?

He teleported in front of it again, but again it reversed direction with little trouble and headed away from him. He gritted his teeth and continued after it.

It finally turned a corner ahead of him…it was nearly back at the Festival! Of course, it was getting late, and the Festival was starting to break up, so the crowds were thinning, but still….

And the Festival was already over? That was even worse…he had to hurry to wrap this up….

He rounded the corner after it and drew himself up short. Rei was standing there…holding a four-legged mechanical contraption in her hand. It moved slightly in her hand, but somehow it gave off an air of defeat.

It had a round body and four legs with three digits each, set equilaterally around the torso. It had no other significant features.

Rei turned to Kain. "Kain- _sensei_ …is this what you were looking for?" She held it out to him.

"Ah…yes…." He cautiously approached and took it from her hand. It did not attempt to wrestle out of his grip, but instead folded in on itself, turning into a perfect sphere, apparently defeated. Kain stared at it for a second, then turned to speak to Rei, but she had already turned and had walked some distance away. "Ah…thanks…."

"Kain- _sensei_! Is that…!?" Caria hurried over, panting.

Kain turned to her. "Caria- _san_ …here you are." He committed the robot into her hands.

Caria took it and cradled it. "Ah, little Eevee, you can't do that, you know! Even if you want to see the Festival, too." She looked up at Kain again. "Thank you, Kain- _sensei_! Thank you so much…."

"Ah, not a problem," Kain assured her. He glanced at his watch. "Eh…if you'll excuse me…I'm late for an appointment." He hurried away. Caria waved after him.

8-8-8

Hinagiku sat on the steps. She gazed out in boredom at the disappearing lights. The Festival was over. Everything had been packed up and taken away. She glanced at her shiny new watch. It was probably nearly ten-thirty.

Hinagiku sighed and rose. "Well, I guess he must have forgotten after all. He is just a new teacher, after all…."

"Hinagiku- _san_."

Hinagiku turned in surprise. "Kain- _sensei_ …." She stared in shock for a second before assuming a properly disappointed expression. "You're quite late. I wondered if you were going to show up at all. You didn't forget, did you?"

"I'm sorry," Kain apologized, bowing his head. "I intended to come earlier, but there were…complications. I had something I had to take care of. But I would never forget the birthdays of my important students." He raised his head and smiled at her.

Hinagiku stared at the dazzling smile and began to flush slightly. She turned her head away and huffed, "W-well, that's fine then. So? Did you ever find me a present?" She turned back to glare at him and started again as she stared at the object sitting in Kain's outstretched hands.

"This is…?" she murmured, her eyes taking it in. It was a small stuffed animal, a rather plain (but quite cute) brown birdling. Kain lifted it slightly, invitingly, and Hinagiku took it from his hands.

"Its name is Cha-bo," Kain explained cheerfully.

Hinagiku looked up at him sharply. "Cha-bo? Are you making fun of me…?"

"Of course not," Kain said calmly. "I really thought hard about what I could get you, but the truth is that I don't know your tastes all that well…I think I've learned a lot about you in the two weeks we've had together, but I still don't think I know enough to guess what would be best for you. Pretty clothes, jewelry, flowers…I just don't know. But one thing I do know about you is that you have a naturally caring heart, enough to make you risk your greatest fear in order to help something as insignificant (in the eyes of some people) as a baby bird. I think someone like that would not balk at receiving a stuffed animal like this, a symbol of that kindness…and a memory of our first interesting encounter."

Hinagiku felt another blush coming on and turned away quickly. "Quite bold of you, Kain- _sensei_ ," she managed calmly. "You don't believe such a thing would be too childish for me? That I'm too butch or boyish for a gift like this?"

Kain laughed. "You mean, like what the…what your classmates were talking about? I don't know…like I said, I don't know your tastes that well, but I'm not sure they do, either. In any case, it's all I could think of. Do you…dislike it, Hinagiku- _san_?"

"No…no, this is fine, Kain- _sensei_." She turned around and smiled pleasantly at him. "Thank you, Kain- _sensei_. I honestly believe that this is the most thoughtful gift I've received today." Kain bowed in acknowledgement.

This small moment was yet another small event in the twisting and turning relationship of Hinagiku and Kain….

F I N

 _Author's Note: Birthdays and Festivals_

 _One thing I wanted to do with this story was spend some time with each of the birthdays—it's something that Kain would enjoy doing, particularly with the help of some of his students. However, I passed over many of the birthdays in my pursuit of the Negima storyline; Negima largely ignored the girls' birthdays, focusing only on Asuna's early in the year in one small date-adventure, and her equivalent Mai's birthday isn't until July. Other works I'm stealing from, such as Hayate, place a significance on the birthdays of all the main characters—these attention-desiring girls hovering around Hayate all clamor for his affections in the form of birthday presents, and the remarkable butler has a perfect memory with regards to the same. Kain would definitely fall into this category. I wanted to jump on them, but again while I was flying through the story, these little mini-moments simply fell by the wayside. They were definitely something I wanted to pick up and the first class of mini-stories I wanted to do for this special production, especially super-special birthdays like Hinagiku's._

 _Of course, Kain's version of Hinagiku's birthday is much more peaceful than Hayate's. As I've noted (many times) previously, Hinagiku and Hayate already had an interesting and actually fairly deep relationship by this point, due to the fact that Hinagiku met Hayate in early January while Kain didn't come along until after mid-February, and at this point had yet to have more than just two adventures with her. Hinagiku has helped with and/or been bothered by Hayate's crises and such many times by now, and this birthday is a culmination of their current feelings, as Hinagiku finally has a chance to realize hers and Hayate finally gets a chance to attempt to repay her for everything. Of course, his cursed nature gets in the way, and an evil doll curses him to be dressed up like a girl for the night, and in order to break the curse he has to defeat the champion of the tallest tower (the Student Council Building, and therefore the champion is Hinagiku) in battle. But hijinx ensue as Izumi's twin brother and butler Kotetsu sees him at the Hinamatsuri Festival and mistakes him for a girl, and falls in love at first sight…and it only gets worse from there. When Nagi finally scares away the doll's evil spirit in rage, freeing Hayate from the curse, he is so tired he forgets all about Hinagiku and leaves her alone in the Student Council Building, waiting for their appointed nine o'clock duel. He finally remembers her and shows up to wake her after eleven, no longer desiring to fight, but Hinagiku is enraged at him for his forgetfulness and for all the recent trouble he's caused her (in particular, he embarrassed her in a terrible 'battle' they shared before that will be mimicked in a later side story) and attacks him for a time before finally calming down. Hayate is finally able to give her his present, and she then confronts him about his decadent runaway parents, seeing the parallel in their lives and begging Hayate to give her hope that her parents really did love her. Hayate knows he can't give her any of the assurances she needs and instead dazzles her with the view from the balcony, the event I mimicked at the end of Act 3._

 _That was quite a short version of the epic Hinagiku's Birthday episode/arc of Hayate, and obviously Kain's couldn't be that epic—firstly, there were not enough previous events to inspire any kind of a real duel atmosphere, and Hinagiku's emotions towards Kain at this point couldn't be anything more than a curious interest. Secondly, I had no intention of having anything as troublesome as a cross-dressing curse afflict Kain—absolutely not, for many reasons, the least of which is that I wrote in Act 1 between these points that virtually no magically significant events occurred before the Library adventure. Still, I like (sorry, Hina) the Baka Trio's surprise birthday party, and I wanted to have a bit of a troublesome event for Kain to create a bit of tension, so Caria and one of her toys (pets? creations?) provided a nice distraction, I got to cameo a currently insignificant character I enjoyed having around, and finally gave a good conclusion as Kain shows his wit and sentimentality with his gift. And since Kajirô was introduced, I could include him (more or less—he's too shy to enter the camera here at Hinagiku's birthday, but his gift was shown). I should note Nagi originally gave her this gift (after hearing Hayate was going to give her one, Nagi was angrily guilted into also giving one, since it wouldn't be proper if the master neglected the girl after her butler was to do it). I was proud of Kain's sentimental decision, but figuring out Kajirô was tougher—he cares deeply for Hinagiku, so he would have to give her something. He knows her better than the Bakas, so he knows her tastes are surprisingly varied—but something too close to what she'd enjoy would cast suspicions on his more-than-childhood-friends sentiments. Especially any expensive clothing or jewelry, or flowers might be too expressive. However, that watch—something expensive that Hinagiku really doesn't get (it is shown in the manga that she has no real idea about the value—or even the name—of the watch she's been given) would be some private joke he'd enjoy. A cleverly-concealed expression of just how expensive his feelings are, you could say. Thanks, Nagi. After all, since she isn't in this manga, she isn't giving it…._

 _In any case, that's that little distraction. We have a few more early events, when Kain's group of confidants was still quite low…._


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: This is a nonprofit fictional story, a FanFiction based on Ken Akamatsu's Negima. I do not own Negima, or most of the other characters included in this work, excepting where it is stated in the author's notes. It is not intended or presented for any commercial profit or personal gain; it is simply a story written for personal fulfillment and presented for public enjoyment, and as an honest homage to the fine story conceived and written by Ken Akamatsu, as well as all the other (innumerable) works that find place herein (and their authors).

Side Story Three: Kain's Ideal Bride

 _[This story takes place in early April, at the beginning of Act 2, shortly before the trip to Kyoto.]_

8-8-8

Kain looked up in surprise as Meia opened the door. Kain glanced to her. "Kain- _kun_ ," she said first. "Forgive the intrusion, but it is time for Class 3-A's yearly measurements."

"Measurements?" Kain furrowed his brow in surprise. "What do you mean, measurements? Like, height, weight, that kind of thing? Doesn't that usually stop after elementary school?"

Some of the girls in the class laughed. "Well, maybe for you, Kain- _sensei_ , since you were in college before we made it to middle school," Nanami said. "But Mahora Academy takes careful measurements of its students' growth, in all the various ways, so that it can make sure our growth is healthy and have current data for uniforms and the like."

"Ah…I see…." Kain frowned. "What do you mean 'in all the various ways'?"

"Why, everything, of course!" Kanade said cheerfully. "Height, weight, clothing sizes, and, of course, the _three_ sizes."

Kain stared at her again. He suspected he understood, but denial and unwillingness to accept the facts were keeping him ignorant. "The three sizes?"

"B/W/H, of course!"

Kain continued staring at her. Then his face began to grow bright red. "W-what's the meaning of _this_?" he muttered, looking away.

"Ah, _ecchi_!" Kanade crowed. "Kain- _sensei_ is having perverted thoughts!"

"Our teacher is fantasizing about our nubile forms and our secret measurements," Miki agreed.

"All teachers have access to that data, so you can look all you want," Kiami informed him dryly. "But we'd like our weights kept secret, of course,"

"Why do we… _they_ have to do this?" Kain implored Meia. "Why is there a need to examine… _everything_ about our students?"

"Yûki- _san_ just explained it to you," Meia informed him calmly. "We have various uses for this data. It's standard procedure. Now, if you ladies will leave your teacher alone and follow me to the examination room…."

Kain actually stalked out of the room first, red-faced, muttering, and not at all caring for the jeers and teasings half the class was offering him. He was most put out by the fact that he felt insulted on the class' behalf, but they didn't seem to care about his natural gallantry, caring only to claim a belief in teenaged boys' perverted minds.

Those who were doing the teasing felt _slightly_ bad about hurting his feelings. But not for long.

8-8-8

In most anime (and manga), a certain amount of so-called 'fan service' is required, particularly ones that center around groups of females, and more particularly still those that center around schools of them.

This is of course, because anime and manga writers are perverts…no, no, it is because females, at least those in Japan, are almost required to have serious and interesting conversations in intimate, female-only settings, such as the baths and the locker rooms and such places. Bathrooms as well, of course, but these are less prone to be exploited because it is off-putting to have scenes and conversations while females are engaged in relieving themselves. (This is one area where women have it better than men—it is generally considered extremely good taste for certain types of men to have interesting conversations while engaged in 'number one', apparently because their stance is amusing, and it is high comedy for something unfortunate to happen to them while engaged in this activity while in the wilderness).

Getting back to the point, sometimes certain important conversations take place in intimate settings, and this is the case, as the class began to discuss matters while they underwent their examinations in various states of undress. Luckily, of course, since this is an all-text novelette story, their privacy is not greatly intruded upon, and perverts will have to imagine the scenes.

"My natural rival continues to mock me!" Risa muttered to herself. "My older sister, Riku! Just because she's five or six minutes older than me, I have to call her 'big sister', and she gets all the love and attention, but still, I've always been cuter than her! Definitely! But now…she's finally beaten me…by five millimeters in chest size…."

"Looks like Mai- _chan_ is still the queen of the biggest bust," Nanami noted, oblivious to Risa's hurt feelings. "Followed by Kazumi- _chan_ , _Fukukaichô_ , Chi- _chan_ …."

"Poor Hina still fails in that category," Riza added. "Well, 24th isn't all bad, is it?"

"Shut up," Hinagiku muttered.

"Look at it this way," Miki continued. "At least you beat Sakura- _chan_ at something, even if it's only by a centimeter…."

"Would you lay off already!?"

"I do feel a little bad for Kain- _sensei_ ," Izumi said after Hinagiku had finished chasing around her two more boisterous companions. "Do you think maybe we teased him a little too hard?"

"Oh, he'll get over it," Miki said dismissively. "We'll all have forgotten about it by tomorrow."

Kanade looked thoughtful. "It makes me wonder, though," she muttered. "Yes, it's quite a puzzle…."

"What's that?" Kaoru asked.

"What is Kain- _sensei_ 's ideal type?"

The class grew silent as they considered this all-important question. "By type, you mean…." Riza began.

"His ideal woman, of course. Who would be his ideal bride?"

"K-Kain- _sensei_ 's…ideal…" Nodoka began.

"…Bride?" Kazumi finished with equal awe.

"Does he prefer the bustier women?" Miki asked, sneaking up behind Mai and reaching around to massage her inappropriately from behind, setting her off.

"Or the more…petite?" Kanade added.

"Short hair, maybe?" Kaoru asked, perhaps a little too hopefully.

"Or long?" Risa beamed, throwing back her own hair.

"What do you think, Mai?" Miki asked. She had not released the girl from her embrace, but had dropped her hands away from their devilish duty, allowing her to settle down.

"W-what? H-how should I know?"

"I think you're the one who's talked with him the most outside of class," Miki insisted. "You were pretty chummy during that library debacle before…and just recently, he's only been addressing you by your first name, without an honorific…that does seem to suggest you're unusually close to him…."

"That does remind me," Risa wondered aloud. "I had a dream that Tokiha- _chan_ had a special tarot card she got from kissing Kain- _sensei_ …." Momo turned and looked at Risa curiously.

"I-I really don't know what you're talking about!" Mai snapped, ignoring Risa and finally throwing Miki off entirely. "I don't have any idea what kind of girl Kain- _sensei_ would prefer, or whether he prefers girls at all!"

This announcement brought silence to the group. "I…hadn't even thought of that," Riza said. "Still, it's suspicious…."

"Kain- _sensei_ is surrounded by some of the choicest prime meat his kind could ever desire," Kanade added. "Yet he doesn't seem to notice us at all…any of us…."

"K-Kain- _sensei_ …might not prefer girls…?" Nodoka asked shrilly.

"Don't listen to them, Nodoka, they're just speculating with their usual stupidity," Yue assured her.

None of others paid Yue any attention. "If you think about it, you would wonder why Kain- _sensei_ was allowed by the principal to have his place in the girls' dorms…" Izumi pointed out reluctantly.

"I almost wonder if he'd look good in a dress," Riza hazarded. "He looks like he'd be quite a _bishonen_ dressed up in a lady's _kimono_ …."

The author would like to take a moment to ensure the audience that, despite the Hayate elements of this story, Kain Lockeheart will never, ever, _ever_ appear in drag. Not even if the Baka Trio kidnaps us and threatens to record embarrassing footage of us.

"I'm sure Kain- _sensei_ is not like that!" Erika snapped. "Is it really so hard to believe that he might just be a trustworthy, honorable, gentlemanly young man?"

"Yes, it's almost impossible to believe that," Miki said. "All young men his age are sex fiends, you know. It's perfectly normal for them. Any way you look at it, Kain- _sensei_ must not be normal."

"I assure you, Kain- _sensei_ is a perfectly healthy young man with all the appetites thereof!" Hinagiku concluded hotly. "Unlike all of you, he simply knows how to control himself. Stop making strange and insulting assumptions of him!"

Hinagiku's conclusion, which she had arrived at through observation and careful thought from all the various events they had experienced so far (including, we might remind the audience, of how flustered he was by Hinagiku's 'immodest indiscretions' from climbing trees and investigating haunted buildings with him), did not have the effect she'd thought it would. The class grew deathly silent again, the silence that is a roar from vacuuming up all the sound, ears _straining_ to hear more, as, as one body, the faces of the class turned to stare at her, and she realized her mistake. Her face grew red and she said hotly, "W-what I mean is…!"

"Ehh! Hina- _chô_ has already experienced Kain- _sensei_ 's healthy appetites!"

"He's already targeted our _kaichô_! That's Kain- _sensei_ for you!"

" _Kaichô_ , can you give us a statement as to just how intimately you've explored Kain- _sensei_ 's masculinity…?"

As the class continued their shenanigans, Mai turned her attention to something less painful…Kagome, who had not been paying attention to any of this nonsense. She was staring off into space far away from the group and sighing despondently. And since she didn't really care about the 'competition' inherent in the morning's proceedings—and, truth be told, hadn't exactly fared badly, even if she took note of them—her concern was obviously something else….

"Obviously, there's only one way to settle this!" Kanade declared.

"That's right," Miki agreed. "We'll just have to ask Kain- _sensei_ what his ideal type really is."

"Yeah!" most of the class enthused.

8-8-8

Kain stared up at the assembled girls. "What are you talking about?" he demanded. His mood had mellowed somewhat, but this strange interrogation threatened to undermine his calm once again….

"Ideal woman, your ideal woman!" Riza insisted.

"We're just curious about what kind of girl you liked," Izumi assured him cheerfully.

"So, c'mon now, tell us," Miki pleaded. "What kind of girl suits your fancy? Brains, strength, or beauty? Tall, thin, short, round? You're American, so you probably like big-breasted girls, at least Izumi's size, right?"

"Miki- _chan_!" Izumi cried, red-faced, as Miki pointed at her assets.

Kain, also red-faced, said slowly, "You know, Hanabishi- _san_ , there is this phrase called 'sexual harassment', and it can apply to girls as well as boys…."

"Yes, but stories like this always treat it lightly, and everybody gets away with it," Miki replied smugly. "Well, let's try this, shall we? Who do you prefer? Mai?" Kain attempted to keep his face blank, although it was already irrevocably red. "Hina? Erika? Kaoru? Izumi? Yukiji?"

At the last suggestion, all the blush disappeared from Kain's face and was instead dominated by a look of disgust and disbelief. "Ah, no, definitely no there, I can say that easily enough."

"Amazing," Riza commented. "At least we know he's straight, now. That reaction definitely proves he's a man…."

"True enough," Miki conceded. "I still wonder, though. Do you have any girlfriends at all, Kain- _sensei_? Like, do you have somebody you left behind in America?"

"Girlfriends? No!" he insisted, but, as usual, a slave to the truth (as he understood it), he had to further inform them, "There is a girl my age I know, but that's it. We've just been childhood friends, ever since I was small."

"Oh? A childhood friend?" Izumi crowed with delight. "That's interesting! Who is she? What's she like?"

"What's she like?" Kain considered this, thought about the girl as she came to his mind. "Well, she's smart, real smart, and very confident about it. She's sometimes annoyingly gifted, in fact. She's got a bit of a temper, and often acts like she's all that and is quite harsh with people, but she's got a good heart underneath, like she just can't bring herself to really do the wrong thing, even when it annoys her. It's even worse for her because she's very stubborn, and really hates to lose, at pretty much anything."

"Oh? That's interesting…she kind of sounds like Hina," Miki said. "What's she look like?"

Kain sighed. "Ah, well, fine, she's a redhead, with long red hair. She's…well, since you'll obviously ask, she's actually rather, shall we say, petite, and quite sensitive about the fact…."

"She _definitely_ sounds like Hinagiku," Riza agreed. "I wonder if it's true, then."

"That's right. The truth, Kain- _sensei_ : are you after Hina's body?"

" _What!?_ "

"C'mon, don't be shy. It's obvious you've been talking about her. She also seems to know your tastes intimately. Perhaps when you were lost in the building together you…."

" _Stop making ridiculous accusations like that!_ " Hinagiku thundered, appearing from behind a tree.

"Ack! Hina!" Riza croaked.

"Oh, so you were listening in secretly after all?" Nanami teased.

Hina was taken aback. "W-what? I-I was just passing by and I was worried you'd be bothering Kain- _sensei_ , so I…."

"Ooh, maybe Hina- _chô_ doesn't want Kain- _sensei_ revealing their secrets!" Kanade crowed. "I may have to issue discipline stickers…a wonderful punishment awaits…."

"Perhaps we should ask Kain- _sensei_ about it," Miki finished, turning. "Kain- _sensei_ …oh darn, it seems he's escaped…."

8-8-8

"What is with them?" Kain muttered to himself. He had indeed escaped, all the way out to the town itself—the best place, perhaps, to escape from his overzealous students. "After that…contract…it's really not the time to be thinking things like that…." Even as he said it, the sensation began to well up in his memory…Mai, standing before him…the energy rising around them…their lips meeting…how soft they felt, how good the sensation was…with a girl….

He shook his head. He really shouldn't be thinking things like this. His father! Yes, soon he'd be on his way to Kyoto and then he could find out more about his father, how he lived, what his home was like. He wouldn't have to worry about demons or protecting his students or contracts or any of that….

"Ow!"

"Oh!"

Kain had been so distracted he had not been paying proper attention to his surroundings, and collided with someone trying to duck out of an alley. Kain, with his usual incredible reflexes, caught himself and then managed to grab the wrist of his assailant, preventing her from falling as well.

"I-I'm sorry, very clumsy of me…." He looked up into the face of the girl and froze in shock. Several seconds later he finally managed, "Higurashi- _san_!?"

Kagome smiled sheepishly at him. She was dressed in a colorful, exquisite _kimono_ , of even better quality than the one that Sakura wore at her tea ceremonies and during the cherry blossom viewing party. She didn't often give the air, but Kain recalled as he stared in amazement that Kagome was actually a very wealthy and privileged _ojô-sama_ of a major family. It perhaps wasn't normal for her to wear something like this, but it was more than possible….

"Kain- _sensei_ …I'm so sorry…what are you doing here?" Kagome finally offered.

"Oh…nothing…I'm just running away from something…."

"What a coincidence…."

"I-in any case, Higurashi- _san_ , that's a really amazing _kimono_! It's beautiful! Why are you dressed like that?"

"Well, I…."

"Kagome- _sama_!? Kagome- _sama_ , where are you!?"

The frantic voices began to drift towards them. Kagome glanced their way and panicked. "Ah! This isn't good!" She grabbed Kain's wrist and began to drag him the other direction. "Kain- _sensei_! Let's get out of here!"

"Eh? You're running away from someone, too? Coincidence, indeed…."

Kagome doubled them back and had them back at the academy, interestingly. She took Kain into one of the empty classes, and there explained the situation to him.

" _Miai_?" Kain repeated, translating the word in his head. Mee-eye. Marriage interview. A common occurrence in Japan, half blind date and half parental matchmaking device, _miais_ were often used to try to get children wed, especially by parents. All classes would often try to press them on their older unwed children in desperation, and for the high classes, there was almost no age too young to start….

"That's right," Kagome agreed. "Grandfather's hobby seems to be arranging _miais_ for me. He's always recommending people to me left and right…he says that since I'm already in my third year of middle school, I should have a fiancé…."

"Yes…I remember," Kain laughed. "He tried to give you to me my first day here…."

"I'm not a side of beef to be given away!" Kagome insisted hotly, although her anger was more towards the idea in general than Kain, he felt. "I… _appreciate_ …what grandfather wants to do for me, but I'm fully capable of making my own decisions! I'll be the one to decide whom and when I marry!"

Kain stared at the girl. This was a side of Kagome he wasn't used to seeing. She was genuinely angry, as angry as he'd ever seen Mai, nearly as angry as Hinagiku could be when the Baka Trio was at its best (like today). Of course, Kagome was blessedly normal, in many ways. Despite being from such a prominent family, she didn't stand out much in class, and she didn't mind. She was middle-of-the-road in most categories, academic, athletic, and…measurements, and she had her two good friends and roommates, and little outside of that. She really was a normal, healthy young woman, a teenager, and she was blessed to rarely have a need to be angry, but it was almost comforting to know that she could if she needed to.

"Anyway," she continued, calming. "We were supposed to take photos for the _miai_ back there, but I ran away halfway through."

"Photos?" Kain asked in amazement. "I wasn't aware of that custom…."

"Oh, yes…see…." She pulled a stack of papers out of her purse. "See, I've got so many photos of potential suitors!"

Kain took them politely and began to look at them. He raised an eyebrow. "There really are…some amazing people here. Doctors, lawyers…."

"Yes, and _I_ am just a middle school student," Kagome sighed. "They're all _adults_. Some of them are double my age! Some are even older!" She looked away, sadly. "We're still children, you know. Don't you think it's too early to decide on something like a fiancé?"

Kain sighed in sympathy. "Yes, I know. Romance, marriage…everybody wants to rush into it, everyone's interested in it, but…we've got plenty of time for that in the future, right?"

"Yeah." Kagome giggled. "They've been bothering you about your interests, haven't they? I think I overheard them going on about something like that earlier. Don't take this the wrong way, Kain- _sensei_ , but…I think I'd rather have a fiancé like you than any of these kinds of people…."

"Eh? Like me….?" Kain froze in fright.

"Oh, I said don't take it that way!" Kagome insisted, but in good spirits. "Really, I like our teacher-student relationship quite well! But, you know, someone more my age, and someone who isn't just, well, 'prominent'…someone who looks like they could be a hero or something…and maybe someone exotic…."

"Oh, so Kain- _sensei_ is Kagome's type, eh?" Riza said from the doorway.

"Kain- _sensei_ and Kagome- _chan_ are having a private _miai_!" Izumi announced cheerfully.

"So _this_ is what Kain- _sensei_ ran off for," Miki finished. "I think we may have found our answer…."

"Now hold on a minute…!"

After this latest debacle was quieted down, Erika, who had joined in and was one of those largely responsible for ending the chaos, said, "Perhaps you had better give them _something_ , Kain- _sensei_ , or else we might never get them fully settled down."

Kain sighed and then smiled slightly. "Probably," he muttered. "Well, as Higurashi- _san_ and I were just saying, it's a bit early for us to worrying about that too much…especially for me." Kain stared wistfully out a window as he voiced his thoughts. "It's not like…I haven't given any thought to it…I suppose it's normal for teenagers to think about romance, at least…but I'm not a normal teenager. I'm legally caught between childhood and adulthood, finished with my real education, but not yet of proper mature age. I can't just think about girls…for fun…when _I_ finally start that direction…it will probably have to be in preparation for marriage. But I'm clearly not ready for that yet.

"I have too many other concerns right now…so it's easiest and best for me to push it aside. So I don't really know…what kind of girl I prefer…I can't really imagine myself with anyone. I really think…when the time comes…when I meet the one who's ready to be my partner…I'll know then…."

The class stared at him in various shades of admiration. "Well, even we can't add any disruptive comments to _that_ declaration," Riza said.

"I guess it's as resolved as it's going to get?" Izumi ventured.

"Right," Miki concluded. "That's all the fun we can reasonably have, so let's move on to the next story."

F I N

 _Author's Note:_ Miai _and The Ideal Woman_

 _I've skipped several other ideas for events that I just couldn't come up with anything interesting for…part of the intent of this side stories part was to include all the important ones I couldn't do before, to make stories for them, but some…are just too difficult. In particular, I just deleted a few pages I had for a 'White Day' episode. I figured it would have some interesting events in it. However, since Kain wasn't here for Valentine's, White Day means little to him. You see, in Japan, the Valentine's tradition is for girls to give boys chocolate and such in order to express their feelings. Then, on March 14_ _th_ _, White Day, one month later, the targeted boys reciprocate. It has significance in normal harem stories like Hayate, but, as I said, since Kain wasn't here, he's escaped that fate. I planned to build a story around Kazumi and Yukari arranging a White Day meeting between Matake Ogata and Eita Tanaka, and Kain helping out—and perhaps giving the very first hint of affection from Kazumi towards Kain to arise out of his help—but as I was writing it, I decided that it was unbelievably boring…even more so than the greatly-reduced story of Erika and Kain's meeting. So I eventually just scrapped it._

 _I also wanted to hit all the birthdays, but decided that they, too, would be too unremarkable in most cases, and so I'll just have to sadly ignore them for now. Later ones may have more significance, especially from those that are more attracted to Kain, although there will be few adventures about them. For the record, March 30_ _th_ _is Rei's, and then there are three in a row—April 1_ _st_ _is Alyssa's (she later tells Kain she, of course, as a demon, has no birthday, and chose April 1_ _st_ _because it was a great Fool's Day joke), April 2_ _nd_ _is Kanade's and April 3_ _rd_ _is Sakura's. I at least want to also note the ironies of Kain's thoughts on the matter—most kids in school don't think of it, but Kain likes to think of who is older and younger among them all, and notes that Rei and Alyssa are the youngest in the class at the joint party they held (since the cutoff for years is March 31_ _st_ _, that means starting April 1_ _st_ _the birthdays for 3_ _rd_ _year middle school students changes them from 14 to 15 years old). Ironically, of course, they are actually far older than all the other class members (except, possibly, Yuki…?). And Kain is perplexed when Sakura replies that, rather than the second oldest he believes she is, she honestly says that she's not sure she's even the fourth oldest, but won't add anything more to her teasings. It_ almost _depresses Kain when he realizes that he is actually younger than most of his class (since, as one of my incarnations, he shares my birthday in late fall)._

 _I also wanted to do a chapter about Mai vs. Yukiji, since Mai is a horrible history student and Yukiji is the history teacher, but I just couldn't come up with anything interesting. Finally I moved on to this story, which borrows parts from a couple original Negima scenarios with some originality thrown in. The 'measurement' takes place here, but actually in the original it occurs the morning after the first 'vampire' attack (of course, in the original it_ was _a vampire) and Negi embarrasses himself by enthusiastically and foolishly telling the girls to take their clothes off when Shizuna comes in to get the girls for the procedures. Then, they actually have the vampire rumors talk while having their measurements taken. I decided that this would be a good excuse to bring out something that was kind-of used in the original, having a story where the girls seek to find out about Kain's ideal woman. I also wanted a story that mimicked Konoka's attempts to escape her_ miais _that her grandfather always arranges—I find that weakness of the principal's amusing, and I felt I needed to have at least one example of it appear in a story somewhere—and realized that it would go well with this part. After all, in the original this part takes place shortly before the new school year, and in preparation for the Pactios and Negi's battle with Eva, his sister sends him a letter asking him when, as a prospective Magister Mage, he's going to get his required 'partner', and the class overhears, and thinks it means he's come to Mahora to seek a bride, and they all want to be_ it _. So having this link together to lead to them questioning his tastes became an amusing side note that also helped bring a little of Kagome's original character to the fold…and an early reference to Lina, and twisting together my own amusing thoughts about how similar she can viewed to Hinagiku, despite their obvious differences._

 _In any case, this silly little story is at an end, and so we can move on to the next one…._


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: This is a nonprofit fictional story, a FanFiction based on Ken Akamatsu's Negima. I do not own Negima, or most of the other characters included in this work, excepting where it is stated in the author's notes. It is not intended or presented for any commercial profit or personal gain; it is simply a story written for personal fulfillment and presented for public enjoyment, and as an honest homage to the fine story conceived and written by Ken Akamatsu, as well as all the other (innumerable) works that find place herein (and their authors).

Side Story Four: Hunting Expedition

 _[This story takes place at the end of April, the beginning of Golden Week, in the middle of Chapter 1 of Act 3.]_

8-8-8

Kain liked Golden Week. True, it was his first experience with it, and it was still only Monday, but he liked the very idea of it. An entire week of contrived holidays strung together to make one long week off…at least for most people.

He had returned from Kyoto, had new information about his father, had three new contracts, and, for once, some peace and quiet, since most of the class had gone off to Greece for the week. However….

He still had many concerns. One, in particular, attracted his attention at this time. He had decided to be a dutiful teacher and show his care for his students by acknowledging each of their birthdays and giving them a proper gift. Hinagiku's birthday had been first, of course, and had been rather more interesting than he'd anticipated. Rei's was next, and it had been troublesome to find something for her, but the class had an end-of-the-year party celebrating the four very close birthdays of Rei, Alyssa, Kanade and Sakura. Then, right after returning from Kyoto, he just managed to remember Erika's birthday.

The next birthday was Akari's, the 5th of May. That wasn't so great a problem. However, it was the birthday _after_ that that was causing him difficulty. May 10th…this was the birthday of Nodoka Miyazaki. Kain allowed himself a small smile. It was also the birthday of his father….

Ah, but after what had happened during the Kyoto trip, it was hard to face Nodoka…never mind finding a present for her….

Since Kain had plenty of time and little to really do, he took some time in town, taking in the sights and seeing if he could possibly find something that would serve as a gift….

It was late evening, and Kain felt that it was about time that he should be getting back to school….

When he spotted a lovely young girl, several years younger than himself, standing by a vending machine in front of a small park. She had long, dark hair, a rather serene expression, and was dressed in a fine, exquisite _kimono_ , the regular _kimono_ of a traditional Japanese noblewoman. Kain stared at her. She was…familiar….

The girl stared at the vending machine. Then she took the lady's purse in her hand and from it removed…a talisman, a prayer strip, with writing on it. In fact, this charm said, 'money'. She inserted it into the vending machine's bill slot. Naturally, the machine took in the paper, and then rejected it. The girl took her charm back and stared at it, then at the vending machine. "This machine…is broken," she announced to the world at large in a slow, calm and serene voice.

"Um," Kain offered, approaching her. "No, the machine isn't broken. There's nothing wrong with it. You actually have to put _real_ money into it, not…charms that say 'money'."

The girl turned and stared at Kain. "Oh dear…I'm talking to a stranger," she remarked.

Kain stared. "Pardon?"

"My friend told me that I shouldn't talk to strangers," she continued. "My friend said that I'm too naïve and will get kidnapped if I do things like that."

Kain stared again, before finally managing, "Well, let's not be strangers, then. I'm Kain. Kain Lockeheart." He started to proffer a hand, thought better of it, and just bowed instead.

"Oh…Kain Lockeheart- _sama_ …you are the new famous young teacher…the invincible superhuman who defeats robots and vampires…."

Kain stared at her anew. Where did _that_ come from? He shook his head. "Yes, well…it's late, _Ojô-chan_ , so what are you doing out here, right now?"

The girl looked around, holding a sleeve up to her face in a rather interesting thoughtful gesture. "I wonder…I think I might be lost."

"Is that so…?"

"Yes. I have lost my friend, and lost what I'm looking for, too."

"I…see. What are you looking for? And who is your friend…maybe I can help find them?"

"Ah…what I am looking for…is an animal-like creature, feral, with a long tail, very big, and a white mask. It looks very much like that." She pointed behind Kain.

Kain turned and looked. Yes, there was a bestial creature, rather catlike, its body a seeming cross between simian and feline forms, but its head rather humanlike…except for the eerie white mask it wore. It had a tail that was, oddly, red and yellow. It seemed hauntingly familiar, similar to something he had encountered at the school earlier….

It pounced at them, and Kain, instinctively, acted. He swept the girl up in his arms and hurried away, dodging as the beast swiftly pursued and continued attacking.

 _('It's…some sort of spirit creature, like from that time. A…hollow, was it called? It doesn't radiate mana or anything I can detect…in any case, I can't fight it now. I can't let this poor girl get into any danger….')_

"No…this is…" the girl began.

"No need to worry," Kain interrupted with a wry smile. "I'm quite good at running away."

"But…."

"Never fear. We'll be safe soon."

Kain finally stopped shortly after the monster disappeared from sight. He set the girl down and gave a little sigh of satisfaction. He smiled at her. "There we are…we should be all right here…."

The girl looked around, and then pointed. "No…it seems we still have that child…."

Kain whirled and stared. Yes, there was a monster, catlike, with a mask-covered humanoid head and a red and yellow tail. "What!? It got here before us!?"

"No…this is a different one. The last one had a red tail with yellow stripes. This one has a yellow tail with red stripes."

Kain stared at the stalking beast, then at the girl, then back at the beast, then at the girl again. "Okay…."

The beast then sprang at them. As Kain grabbed the girl and rolled away, it pointed its tail at them at fired a few spines. Kain dodged these as well, and ended up crouching with the girl in front of him around a corner. As he prepared for the next assault, it suddenly appeared behind him. He turned and stared in surprise as the claw raced towards him….

Somehow the girl was in front of him, with a prayer strip in her hand, outstretched towards the beast. There was an explosion of energy, and the creature was repelled. It flew through the air and crashed against a wall. As Kain stared, open-mouthed, the creature sputtered and started to pick itself up, but then a black form flashed down and slashed through it. It disintegrated before the form of Momo Hinamori. She stared at the two as she sheathed her sword. "There you are, Saginomiya- _chan_. And…Kain- _sensei_ …why are you here?"

Kain stared at his companion and then shook his head. " _What_ is going on here?"

8-8-8

"Ah, Saginomiya Isumi- _chan_ …I see. So you're a priestess of the Saginomiya family, one of the twelve ruling families of Mahora." Kain bowed to the girl. "And so…Momo is your 'friend' that you lost, and the two of you…."

"There's a powerful hollow in the area," Momo continued. "So we're…helping each other hunt it down."

Kain considered this. "I…thought I remembered reading that the Soul Society didn't like humans interfering in their work…some tribe of humans was wiped out for it or something?"

"Eh?" Momo considered this. "Well, we do take our duties seriously…but…oh, that's right. That was the Quincies, I think, nearly a thousand years ago…as far as I remember from my history lessons, that was because the Quincies, unique among all mortal folk, developed a way to use spiritual energy to destroy hollows completely. They hunted them zealously, and this loss of souls, unable to return to the Soul Society…well…it threatened the balance of the world. They had no choice.

"On the other hand," she continued, "normal mages are expected to look after themselves if they can, especially here in the manaless world. It's more like it's their duty, and as a visiting stranger, I'm just here to help out when I can."

Kain shrugged. "Okay, then. Sorry for the bothersome questions. In any case, you've taken care of it, then?"

"No," Isumi replied, shaking her head. "That child was not the chief hollow, just one of its minions."

"Minions?" Kain raised an eyebrow.

"Apparently we've got some sort of overlord hollow," Momo sighed. "It's sending out weaker hollows to do its bidding…apparently they're all copies of that same cat-like hollow. It probably has the power to create them…."

"But…aren't hollows the souls of the departed who have lost their way?" Kain queried. "How can it 'create' more of that?"

Momo shook her head. "We don't know. Many secrets of hollows are _still_ a mystery to us, even after all these thousands of years. We know the general method of how the flow of spirits operates, but about hollows individually, or what the true source of their power is…we're just not sure. I suppose I could guess as to some explanations, but they hardly even qualify as theories…."

"I see." Kain said. "Well, in that case, shall I help you search?"

"Eh?"

"I might as well," Kain said. "I mean, this may not be my _job_ , but I can't very well turn my back on it now that I've found it, right? I certainly don't want it eating any other people around here. I'll help you try and locate the ringleader and put a stop to it."

"Ah…Kain- _sama_ is reliable, just as the rumors say," Isumi murmured. "Yes, we may need your help…."

"Yes…but we should probably stick together," Momo insisted.

"Oh? Why?" Kain asked.

"Because if we don't keep an eye on her, she'll get lost again. It's her talent." Momo smiled pleasantly, while Isumi shot her a glare that was reminiscent of certain little sisters—fiercely cute and incapable of causing real fear or chagrin.

8-8-8

"So, Isumi- _chan_ is an _onmyôdôjutsushi_?" Kain asked the little girl pleasantly.

"Yes…I use white _onmyôdôjutsu_. I can heal and repel and destroy evil spirits and demons, but I do not use most of the other arts. My family traditionally uses these arts to keep the Saginomiya shrine, and seals away great evils. It has done most of the priestly work for Mahora for the last one hundred years. And Kain- _sama_ is a skilled Western mage, and the son of the famous hero Kalan Lockeheart- _sama_ …"

"Ah, yes," Kain said with his usual mixture of pride and embarrassment. "I hope to be a great hero like him someday…."

"I'd say you're off to a good start," Momo giggled. "You've already survived several battles that are more serious than most battle-mages have seen in their whole lives…."

Kain scratched his head and sighed. "Yes…but still…I learned I have so much farther to go…I still have to get much stronger…."

"Yes, I understand…but we'd probably better discuss that another time. We really should keep a better eye on Isumi- _chan_."

"Oh? Why?"

"Because she's bound to get lost if you take your eyes off her for a minute. Like she has just now."

"Eh?" It was true. There was no sign of the little girl.

8-8-8

Isumi looked around carefully. She didn't realize where she was, although this wasn't actually that much of a problem because it was her default state of being.

She finally came to an important conclusion. "Kain- _sama_ and Hinamori- _sama_ …are lost."

No…no, _Ojô-chan_ , you're actually the one who's lost….

"Oh well…I shall just have to deal with the hollows while I wait for them to get un-lost…."

She took a prayer strip from her sleeve and turned to face the monster that was coming.

8-8-8

"Well, it looks like she's proving useful as bait," Momo remarked dryly. "Several hollows are starting to flock to her."

"Why is that?" Kain asked.

"The Saginomiya family is special because they have strong magical and spiritual powers," Momo explained. "That's why white _onmyôdôjutsu_ is so much easier for them. Of course, hollows are more attracted to people with stronger spiritual powers…unlike vampires and demons, more so than magical powers."

"Right…there she is. We better go help her!"

"Wait." Momo held out a hand to restrain him. "I'm sure you've seen that Isumi- _chan_ can handle herself. But the big hollow will continue to make more; we should use this opportunity to find and kill it." She pointed. "It's not like there's an army of them, but there are enough to use to trace them back…."

"R-right." Kain nodded. "Fine, then…let's go…."

Momo, using the small trail of hollows and her own spiritual sense to track it, soon led the pair to a high rooftop. There, just after they touched down, a shadow shimmered and faded into existence, revealing a larger version of the cat-like hollows…but this one with two tails, and two heads. The right had red vertical stripes on its mask, and left head had yellow horizontal stripes.

It hissed at the pair as they readied themselves into stances. "So…a _hinigami_ and a human mageling…so you wish to interfere with us? You will be our dinner…."

It leapt at them, and the two separated to avoid its strike. Kain checked himself and unleashed a fireball at it, but it faded away for a brief instant, letting the missile sail through it. Momo came in on the other side and slashed at it, but it raised its forepaw and caught the blade. Momo, unperturbed, barked out, "Snap, Tobiume!" and the sword exploded to life, releasing its power as it always did on the initial release.

The hollow retreated, smoking, and Kain came in behind it. It dodged the strikes of his sword, then, as Momo came dashing in again, it gave a simultaneous shriek from both heads, causing an explosion of supersonic energy that threw them both back. The pair recovered quickly, and came in to attack again. As one head tracked Momo and opened its mouth and issued forth a stream of fire, she brought out her card, invoked her artifact, and blocked the flame. Meanwhile, the other head thrashed its tail at Kain.

Kain dodged the attacks until Momo's sash came flying in, wrapping up both tails and pulling it away. As it scrabbled for purchase, off-balance, Kain leapt into the air and came in from above, sword raised and in a double-handed grip.

The beast hissed and…Kain's blade fell on empty air. The hollow had split into two cats, which now took off in opposite directions. And, alarmingly, one of them snagged Momo with its tail as it began its flight.

"Momo!" There was no decision for Kain. As the cat fled at alarming speed, he pursued the one with the captive girl.

Of course, the captive girl was not exactly helpless. Although the thrashing of the tail that held her kept her momentarily subdued during the pursuit, she finally managed to recover enough and raise her sword.

The ensuing explosion threw the beast into a nearby roof. Kain arrived in time to face it as it rose back to its feet. Momo hopped down beside him, and they ran in side-by-side. It deftly dodged their strikes and counterattacked, creating a fascinating dance between men and beast. Finally it raised both its claws and dropped them simultaneously to the floor, and an explosion of supersonic energy again threw them back.

As they recovered, it sprang into the air to pounce on them again, but suddenly it froze in place. The air around it shimmered with magical energy. Behind it, Isumi held an upraised hand.

"Technique Style—Eighth Leaf," she intoned. "The Four Faces of Takemika Muchi!"

The hollow disappeared in an explosion of energy and faded away.

"And that's the end," Isumi stated with a hint of pride as Momo and Kain carefully approached her. "The troublesome child has been dealt with."

"Impressive, Isumi- _chan_ ," Kain admitted. "However, that wasn't the only one." As Isumi stared at him in surprise, he continued, "It split in half earlier, and we were fighting merely one of them. The other one is probably still out there somewhere."

"Eh?" Isumi stared at him in shock. "Why did you both pursue the same one?"

Kain shifted with embarrassment. "Er…well…."

"It's my fault," Momo said. "I was careless, and that one captured me before it fled; Kain- _sensei_ was compelled to follow me in order to rescue me." Leaving her explanation at that, she bowed her head, closed her eyes, and began to murmur to herself as she placed a hand, two fingers extended, at her breast.

Finally she lifted her eyes. "There's no trace of it," she sighed. "It's gone, now. I have no idea how much more mischief it will get into on its own…if it has any of its original power, or if it will return…."

"Sorry," Kain said. "If I had taken after it instead…."

"Don't worry about it. We'll…just have to keep our eyes open. Who knows? Perhaps the other one perished at the same time Isumi- _chan_ killed this one."

"Perhaps," Kain agreed. "We can hope."

"Never fear," Isumi said solemnly. "If the other one does appear, I will exorcise it as well."

"If you don't get lost," Kain said, not unkindly.

8-8-8

The creature winced as it raced away among the rooftops. Its other half…was slain! It was alone now. Painfully alone. It would never have its same power, it would never be whole….

But it would find new avenues of power. It would seek…revenge….

It stopped suddenly as it spotted the sole figure alone on the rooftop upon which it had just lighted. Despite the long white coat it wore, it was quite similar to that other _shinigami_ it had just escaped. This one, however, seemed to have an insignificant presence….

And, in any case, it was hurt and angry over its condition. Growling, it sprang at the black-and-white-robed _shinigami_ ….

There was a flash, and a short, slender blade passed through, and it fell neatly in two halves without a sound. Its semi-corporeal (rather, completely spiritual but nevertheless matter) form evaporated into blackness as Sakura sheathed her sword. She looked across the night sky and gave a slight smile. It felt good to do occasional _shinigami_ work….

F I N

 _Author's Note: Character Introduction: Isumi Saginomiya_

 _This little battle side-story was made for two purposes. The first was to change pace with a bit of a battle-type side instead of the more usual pleasant/romantic/silly/comedic side stories that the majority of these will be._

 _Second, and far more importantly, it introduces a character I've considered throwing into the story off and on (I made reference to her in Act 6 of MSK) and who will be appearing in later side stories down the road._

 _I sumi Saginomiya is one of my favorite characters from Hayate the Combat Butler. She is Nagi Sanzen'nin's (the main character's) best friend, the only heir of the wealthy and (spiritually) powerful Saginomiya family. Hayate breaks all the barriers of reality, and Isumi's family provides the majority of the fantasy (i.e. magic) element while people like Makimura break the sci-fi (i.e. technology) element of the world (more on her in the next side story). She mostly serves, of course, as an important friend to Nagi, and a major source of humor due to her naïveté and general lack of sense. However, she is truly a powerful priestess, capable of vanquishing nearly any spirit that appears in the non-battle manga short of the near-god Midas. You'd have to read the Hayate story in great length to understand any of that, so don't worry about it._

 _In any case, Isumi is cute, amusing, and fun, and definitely fits in this magic-comedy universe. I included some names among the twelve families from modern magic fiction—Sôma, Saginomiya, Kannagi, Potter, Dresden—half as jokes and half so I could include characters from the works if ever I felt the desire to throw them into it or pull out a random respectable mage to help/hinder the quest(s). Isumi is a fine addition._

 _Several of her traits appear at least in minor here, including her propensity for calling all spirits 'child', her lack of directional sense and ability to get lost (I would describe her ability as an unconscious warp power), and her insistence on wearing only kimonos. And, of course, one of her more powerful spells. She is normally thirteen while the majority of the characters (of Hayate's year) are 16, so here she would be a child of only eleven. No, she will not be around enough to join the Kain Fan Club, largely because Isumi's attraction to Hayate was only present to cause a point of conflict with Nagi, and I have no intention of including her (unless Hayate, the great butler-in-debt himself, actually shows up, which isn't impossible, but wouldn't occur for some time in any case). No, the little girl won't be involved in romance at all; she's too precious getting lost instead._

 _She won't be anything more than a minor character, but you'll see her another time or two before we return to the main story._

 _Next, after adding some more magical mysteries, we'll see the realm of science in a little more detail._


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: This is a nonprofit fictional story, a FanFiction based on Ken Akamatsu's Negima. I do not own Negima, or most of the other characters included in this work, excepting where it is stated in the author's notes. It is not intended or presented for any commercial profit or personal gain; it is simply a story written for personal fulfillment and presented for public enjoyment, and as an honest homage to the fine story conceived and written by Ken Akamatsu, as well as all the other (innumerable) works that find place herein (and their authors).

Side Story Five: The Science of Teaching

 _[This story takes place just after the end of Golden Week, in the middle of chapter 2 of Act 3.]_

8-8-8

"Number 7, Number 8, Number 9, Number 10, Number 11, and Number 12…." The suited man steepled his fingers and stared over the top of his glasses at the woman seated before him as the pictures were shown. "Every model ran rampant, resulting in catastrophic destruction. What do you think after seeing this, Makimura- _kun_?"

The man pointed at the collection of pictures sitting on his desk, showing various robots rampaging about, various scenes of destruction and chaos. The woman, Shiori Makimura, dressed in a white suit with a short skirt, with long, wavy blond hair, and small glasses of her own, stared at the pictures with obvious concern. Finally she offered, "Um…they lacked sufficient firepower?"

"What do you want to do, cause more explosions!?"

"Wha! I-I-I'm sorry!"

"Makimura- _kun_!" Her superior slapped his hands to the desk and hauled himself to his feet, and then pointed an accusing finger at the cowering young woman. "The most important thing to a scientist…do you know what that is!?"

"What's most important to a scientist?" Makimura recovered from her fright as she considered the question, then answered carefully, "Um…research grants?"

"Wrong!"

"Then…money?"

" _Wrong again!_ " The director drew in a deep breath. "Something more fundamental! More fundamental! It's what's most important to mankind, moreso than creation!"

"Important…to people?" Shiori had cringed again before the tirade, but as she started to consider the answer, her usual disposition returned and she even grew cheerful as she responded, "Ah! I got it! It's cake, right? Sweet things are important for the brain!"

The director began to tremble from his suppressed anger. Finally he burst, grabbing the pictures and throwing them into the air, yelling, " _Heart!_ "

Go planet?

As Shiori cringed once again, her director continued, "After all this, you still lack what's most important to man! So in order for you to learn more about the heart of man, you are ordered to return to your Alma mater, Mahora Academy, as a teacher!"

"Eh?"

8-8-8

Sometime later...

The scene shifts to a building fairly well removed from Mahora Academy. The Katsura household comes into view. It is early morning on Sunday, and the sun is just starting to rise. Hinagiku had elected to spend the last few days of Golden Week at her home with her family—her mother, it turned out, since her father was still away on business, and her sister….

Her sister….

There is the sound of heavy breathing, panting, as we zoom into the house and pass through a window and into a hallway and, with the camera bobbing from the effort of running, approach a closed door.

Yukiji threw open the door and burst into the room. "Save me, Hinaemon!"

The camera now pans over to show Hinagiku, dressed in her pajamas, but in the process of removing her shirt. She stared at her sister for a second before the camera shifted again.

The outside of the house is shown again while there are the usual screen-shaking sound effects of someone applying violence to another person.

The scene returns to the room, showing Hinagiku, fully dressed, holding a _shinai_ in one hand and tapping it against her other hand in the manner of a disciplinarian. Yukiji recoiled on her knees against the opposite wall underneath the window.

"How can you forget to knock, _Onee-chan_?" Hinagiku demanded.

"S-sorry…but I was in a panic…."

"Then can you please not panic?" Hinagiku glowered at her sister. "Anyways, you won't get any money from me, if that's what you're after."

"That's not it!" Yukiji shouted. "I have other worries besides money, you know!"

"Don't say that so proudly," her sister muttered. "So? What happened?"

Yukiji sat up slightly. "Uuu…listen to this, Hinaemon…."

"And stop calling me Hinaemon."

"A new teacher has been hired," Yukiji continued unabashed, "and so I was demoted from a teacher to an assistant teacher!"

"Wasn't that the proper thing to do?" Hinagiku replied.

"You're so mean, Hinaemon! My salary is going to plummet!"

"I can't do anything about that. So, what kind of teacher is it?"

"Ugh…she's…."

8-8-8

After Kain's class Monday morning came Yukiji's class…what had been Yukiji's history class.

Shiori cheerfully told the class, "From now on, I'll be your instructor, Makimura. Salutations and greetings!"

Various gazes settled on the new teacher, with the dour-faced Yukiji standing next to her. Caria's face was a mask of awe and near-worship.

Izumi stared with careful consideration. "She's Katsura- _chan_ 's replacement?"

"It'll be fine as long as she's easier than Yukiji," Miki replied without concern.

Yukiji glared at the woman, several years her junior, out of the corner of her eye. _('I don't know what you're planning to teach, but you won't be able to win over the students' heart so easily…!')_

"For now, we'll have a pop quiz to gauge your knowledge so I know what level you are all at," Shiori announced with an almost familiar level of cheerfulness.

The class groaned. Mai's scowl deepened. With all the other problems she currently had on her mind, this was the last thing she needed…a pop quiz in her worst subject, history….

Yukiji allowed herself a small smirk. _('Ha! I win! You won't impress your students with a surprise test like that! Fufu…I really am the best!')_

Shiori had the test passed around to the class. "Okay, you can begin now."

After ten minutes, the time allotted for the quiz, Shiori announced, "Please pass the quizzes back in order."

As the papers were returned to Shiori, Izumi sighed. "That was actually really hard…."

"I wish she wouldn't do this," Miki muttered.

The general consensus of the class was in agreement with that thought, and Yukiji approved of it. _('Fufu, I'll show you the popularity of your predecessor….')_

Shiori shuffled through the papers, examining them all quickly, and Yukiji stepped up to the podium. "Good job, everyone! I know a pop quiz like this is…."

"The average is 82.3%," Shiori interrupted, evidently impressed. "You guys are pretty smart!"

The girls all looked up at her in surprise. Even Yukiji glanced over, confused. "What?"

"Three perfect scores—Sanada- _san_ , Mizuno- _san_ , and Katsura- _san_ , you were all extraordinary. Segawa- _san_ , Hanabishi- _san_ , it seems you have made several slight errors in date calculation. Tokiha- _san_ , you have some trouble with the facts, but your writing method and understanding are quite firm. Furthermore…."

Izumi raised her hand. "Um, _Sensei_ …what are you doing?"

"What do you mean?" Shiori asked in confusion. "After checking them, I'm informing…." A realization caught her. "Ah! Am I supposed to mark each one of these with a red pen? That's such a paaaain! Can you please do it for me, Katsura- _sensei_?"

After class, the trio considered this new teacher with Yukiji wringing her hands nearby. "I see," Miki murmured. "She's one of those elites."

"It's beyond incredible," Izumi agreed.

"So, with that, you're dropped from the 'instructor' level," Miki informed the woman. "Farewell, Yukiji."

"What's that!? I can't just agree with that!"

She scowled to herself. _('Ugh! With a brain like that, she's totally won their respect. Unless I do something fast…. Maybe…if something scandalous were to happen…it would be difficult to pin it on her…but there must be a way…some way….')_

They were on a high-level balcony on the third floor of the girls' middle school building, and from this position, looking out over the school grounds, she spotted Kain, seated at his usual place by the school's fountain in the plaza.

 _('An illicit sexual relationship!')_ Yukiji thought triumphantly, her eyes going catlike. _('That's it!')_

8-8-8

She had to wait until the next day to carry out her plan, because that day Kain was being followed by his class, and they all ended up going to the bowling alley. After school was out, she caught him.

"Kain- _kun_ , I have a favor to ask of you! Will you hear me out?"

"Eh?" was Kain's reply.

"It's a once-in-a-lifetime favor!"

"Uh…no," Kain said without hesitation.

" _What!?_ "

"It's probably something terrible," Kain muttered, turning away.

"Shut up!" Yukiji insisted, grabbed him from behind by the collar. Kain, to his surprise, found himself powerless to resist the pull of the woman as her strength gained its comedic levels. She began to drag him off, continuing, "Anyways, come with me!"

Soon they were in the bushes, observing Makimura. Caria was with her, chattering excitedly with her and showing her some kind of machine, which Shiori was examining with equal enthusiasm.

"You know that woman, right?" Yukiji demanded.

"Ah…the new history teacher, Makimura Shiori- _san_? I haven't really met her officially yet, but I've certainly heard a lot about her already…."

Indeed, already Caria had chattered about her legendary status, the founder of the Robotics and Development Society and her idol; it was the only time he had heard her talk about something other than her machines.

"Right. So, this is my favor. That girl…will you go hit on her?"

Kain stared at the woman. "Umm…I don't really understand why I should do that…."

"You're pretty dense, aren't you!? All right…here's the reason: for Mai's sake!"

"…What?"

"Mai is the most important girl to you, right?" Ignoring Kain's red-faced protestations, she continued, "Mai is an okay student, but her worst subject is my class, history! But she's okay because I'm a good teacher, and lenient! But with Makimura taking over, she, who doesn't understand Mai, could crush her with overly-difficult history teaching! Therefore, as a fellow teacher, you must understand that it's necessary that I be restored to my proper position as world history teacher!"

"Well, now I understand that there's something wrong with your brain," Kain replied implacably.

"What was that!? I'm your _senpai_ as a teacher! Don't make fun of me!"

"A-ah! W-what are you doing!?"

The noise attracted Makimura's attention, and she wandered over to the bushes. She poked her head through them to look. "Um…what's going on here?"

Of course, this being a comedy story, it is easy to imagine the position she found her two fellow teachers in, but we shall describe it anyway: Kain was lying on his back. Somehow his tie had become undone and the top button of his collar unbuttoned (perhaps Yukiji had been attempting to choke him). Yukiji was kneeling over him. Naturally, there is only one assumption anyone can make about a situation like this, and 99.9% of the time it is the wrong one.

"This is an illicit sexual relationship, isn't it?" Makimura demanded, recoiling and flushing.

Yukiji and Kain both sat up hurriedly. "You're mistaken!" Yukiji insisted.

"It doesn't seem like you're mistaken, given what you just saw, but you're mistaken!" Kain added.

"Even though you're both teachers…since one of you is a minor…if anyone finds out, you'll both be fired…."

"No! No! That's why we said that you're mistaken!"

Everyone's thoughts were racing, and under these circumstances their innate talents blossomed and they telepathically knew each other's thoughts.

Makimura: _('W-What should I do? I am a teacher now, after all…I must teach them that it's wrong, even if they are fired….')_

Kain: _('What should we do in this situation now? Even with all I've been in, this is a pretty pickle…is there a safe and easy way out of this?')_

Yukiji: _('It's all right, I'll do something about it.')_

Kain: _('If it's you, it's impossible, Katsura-_ sensei _!')_

Yukiji: _('What!?')_

"Then you do something about it!" Yukiji shouted, shoving Kain into Shiori.

The flustered Kain was unable to handle the situation with his usual grace, and an instant later he was crouching on his hands and knees suggestively over the prone form of Shiori Makimura.

Snap.

"I can't believe I was coincidentally able to take this picture!" Yukiji cried with glee.

"Hey!" Kain sputtered. "Now you're doing something so wrong so easily!? And you think you deserve to be a teacher!?"

Below him, Shiori whimpered. "Doing such an impure thing…now I can never be a bride…."

Kain turned back to her in panicked shock. "No! No! You should realize, Makimura- _sensei_ , this is a complete and total misunderstanding!"

Suddenly there was a thunderous crash as a heavy object landed on the ground. Kain turned slowly and looked up at the towering, cylindrical, blocky robot. "So, someone laid a hand on my love," it growled in a very annoying raspy mechanical voice. "Was it you…?"

Kain sighed. Why did this always happen to him…?

Caria had wandered over to investigate the strange disturbance, and gasped in fright as Makimura's robot Number 8 began to assault her teacher. She hit a button that was almost hidden on her belt. "Miyu!" she cried.

Suddenly the blue-haired android rose out of nowhere and swung her bladed arm. The other robot's own arm went flying. As it stared in shock, Miyu stood fully erect and said, "I'm sorry, but I cannot allow you to lay a hand on my teacher…neither my creator nor my lady will stand for it."

Makimura stared open-mouthed. _('T-that's amazing! That arm…oh, it's a perfect gynoid! You could never tell if you didn't see something like that! So Greer-_ san _is a gynoid made by Spetzer-_ san _…? Hold on…is she even better with robotics than I am…?')_

Eight stared at Miyu. "Ho…so you're going to challenge me, little girl? Fine then! I'll show you that my burning rage and love cannot be stopped by your meager frame!" Plates on its chest burst open, revealing an array of missiles, loaded and ready for firing.

"Hold it!" Yukiji cried, amazingly standing between the two combatants. "Resorting to violence won't solve anything! As their _senpai_ , please allow me to deal with this situation between these teachers!" She struck a properly wistful and melancholy pose. "A boy going through puberty can't control his heart. I'll teach him the right path, so please…."

Eight was somehow moved by this speech. " _Sensei_ …."

Kain glowered at her, but Yukiji ignored him and turned to the other woman. "Listen up, Makimura- _san_. Teachers face many problems like this. Even though he is also a teacher, Kain- _kun_ is a young man of schoolboy age, so you can learn a lot from his conduct."

"Yes! I've learned quite a bit already!"

"But that's not all!" Yukiji insisted, taking the other woman's hand. "There's still quite a bit to be learned! I'll hold a study session just for you, at the bar! For just about the difference in pay between a teacher and a teacher's aide!"

"My! How helpful! I'll leave it to you, _Senpai_!"

Kain, Miyu and Caria watched silently as the two lady teachers started off towards the sunset, with the robot stomping along next to them. _('There are several types of intelligence, I guess…')_ Kain thought. _('I really hope Hinagiku doesn't end up becoming anything like her sister….')_

And, of course, because karma is like that, at the end of their first drinking session, Makimura insisted, "Please pay the bill, _Sensei_."

"Huh!?"

"It's your duty as my older _senpai_ , after all."

F I N

 _Author's Note: Character Introduction: Shiori Makimura_

 _This chapter is all about the mad scientist of Hayate, Shiori Makimura. It's amusing enough in its own right, and will serve as an introduction to the character in case I ever need to use her or the robot Eight at any time in the story. I've already made mention to her (she formed the Movie Study Club, mostly as an excuse to videotape the growth of little Maria while she was in high school from age 10-13), and I'm not sure just how much I'll use her (after all, most of her adventures involve the Sanzen'nin family that is not really present in this story), but I like to keep options open._

 _S hiori Makimura is mostly a minor character from Hayate the Combat Butler, but she has an odd collection of connections to various characters. In school she was the_ kohai _and vice-president under Maria during their school years together, when she made the Movie Study Club, then after she graduated she became the head of development for Mikado Hyper Energy, a division of the Sanzen'nin assets (named after Mikado Sanzen'nin, Nagi's grandfather) that creates all sorts of robots. She's basically the excuse for nearly any mecha they decide to introduce in the story. Her nursing robot number Eight is first introduced as a means to test Hayate's skills and see if Nagi can keep him or if Klaus will be allowed to fire him. Eight has several recurring adventures trying to take out Hayate and Nagi before he settles down and becomes Makimura's, er, lover, but there was no need or excuse for any of them here. After getting sent to Hakuô, she tormented Yukiji for a bit before Yukiji was re-promoted to homeroom teacher and Makimura became the 'head of class', a Japanese school teacher designation I haven't been able to really figure out yet. Eventually that'll happen to this Yukiji as well…at least, she'll return to being a normal teacher. Anyway, she is as shown here: very senseless in her development of robots (why does a 'nursing robot' need missile launchers? We don't know), a bit of an 'adult child' in mentality, but not a bad person. She's also extremely fortunate at times, especially when Yukiji is trying to scam her; she always gets the best of her, but she simply doesn't have the mentality to actively outwit her in these regards. It's like it was shown here at the end—technically she would have no issue with paying for Yukiji's bill, honestly, but it simply occurs to her that it's the_ senpai _'s duty to treat their_ kohais _well, and so she asks Yukiji to fulfill this duty._

 _Oh well. Onward, now, to some real entertainment…._


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: This is a nonprofit fictional story, a FanFiction based on Ken Akamatsu's Negima. I do not own Negima, or most of the other characters included in this work, excepting where it is stated in the author's notes. It is not intended or presented for any commercial profit or personal gain; it is simply a story written for personal fulfillment and presented for public enjoyment, and as an honest homage to the fine story conceived and written by Ken Akamatsu, as well as all the other (innumerable) works that find place herein (and their authors).

Side Story Six: Kain's Second Challenge, Part 1: The Athletic Festival

 _[This story takes place at the end of May, during Act 3, in the middle of Chapter Five.]_

8-8-8

Kain settled into the seat in front of the Principal's desk. "Here I am," he announced unnecessarily. "So, what did you wish to see me about today, Mr. Principal?"

"Ah, Kain- _kun_ , welcome, welcome…let's see…first of all, I was wondering if I could interest you in a _miai_ with my granddaughter…."

"Another time, perhaps," Kain said, waving the question away. "I hope that wasn't all you wanted to see me about?"

"Oh, no," the old man mumbled. "No, I called you here for something far more important. I've been giving it some thought, and I've decided that it's time for the second test of your teaching skills here."

"Second test?" Kain raised an eyebrow. "All right. I wasn't expecting anything right now, but I guess I'm ready to give it my best. So, what's this test going to be?"

"It's about the upcoming athletic festival. There is a particular student involved in this…." There was a knock at the door. "Ah, it looks like she's here…."

Shizuna (from outside) opened the door, and Alyssa came walking in. Shizuna then closed the door, leaving the three of them alone, as Alyssa walked up and took her seat. She glanced at Kain, then turned a curious eye to the principal. "Well, old man? What's this about? Why have you called me here…and called him here?"

"Yes, yes. As I was saying, I have a challenge prepared for Kain, a second test similar to the one he endured for last year's final exams. I would like your help in this matter, Alyssa- _kun_."

Alyssa simply stared as the old man turned back to Kain and continued, "Now, this second test will involve the upcoming athletic festival, as I said. This time, your only concern is a single student, the student with the lowest score in physical education. Your goal is to enable that student to take first in any one competition at the athletic festival. There are no restrictions on how you may do this, as long as your magical ability isn't actually exposed. If you are unable to accomplish this…then, a proper punishment will await you."

"Hmm…probably the forfeiting of his position again?" Alyssa murmured with a trace of demonic relish. "Only appropriate. That's a tough position to be in, of course, because Hinagiku is going to try to win every competition, just like she does every year. So, let's see…the student in our class with the worst P.E. score is…wait a minute…."

Alyssa suddenly jumped to her feat and slammed her hands on the desk. "Wait a minute! Me!? You're trying to make me compete in the athletic festival…and _win_? Have you gone _completely senile_!?"

"Hohoho…we wanted to give Kain- _kun_ a special challenge this time, and perhaps there is no more challenging student than you…."

"Listen! At least give him a reasonable challenge! I have a cursed body here! Cursed body! This is the body of ten-year-old girl, and one that doesn't even grow or age! I'm at a _significant_ disadvantage amongst all these middle school students you put me with, and whatever exercise or training I try to do is pointless because my body won't benefit from it! What is the point…!?"

Kensuke held up a hand to forestall her. "We have our reasons for this," he explained. "There will be something to grow from it, I assure you. I've already said that any means may be used, so how you go about this is up to you. You have until the two-day festival, on Monday and Tuesday, to prepare. Off you go!"

Shizuna entered and ushered them out the door. As it slammed behind them, young teacher and ancient student shared a glance. "Any means may be used?" Alyssa murmured. "Maybe I should whip up some doping consommé soup…."

"Er…even you can do that, you really shouldn't drink it…."

Alyssa sighed. "Well, then, I guess that's it. Sorry, Kain- _sensei_. It looks like your career at Mahora really _is_ over this time."

"Now, now," Kain pleaded. "We can't give up that easily, can we? We should be able to arrange a way for you to win one event…."

"Not very likely," Alyssa replied flippantly. "In order to win any single event, I'd have to defeat _that_."

8-8-8

' _That'_ was at its usual place at the Student Council Building.

"Oh…Kain- _sensei_ ," Hinagiku greeted him pleasantly. "What an unexpected visit. Come in…have some tea, since you're here. What are you doing here?"

"Nothing much," Kain replied carefully, taking a seat around the table in the center of the room. "I'm surprised to see you here on Saturday…."

"I'm unexpectedly busy. The athletic festival is coming up soon, after all…."

Ah…the athletic festival….

 _["There's no chance of winning if Hinagiku is competing in the event," Alyssa explained. "She's as physically gifted as any student in the class, and she has the winning drive to match. She cares so much about winning she usually competes in all the events, but if you go talk to her you might find one she isn't competing in. That's our best chance to win, if you're determined to go through with this…and if you are, I'll grit my teeth and bear it since it's that old fool's stupid idea._

 _"Of course, using magic you could probably enhance me enough to be able to beat her, but that would probably have very…serious repercussions. Among other things, despite everything else, there's no way anyone at this school would believe it…._

 _"So, to recap, if we want to win, we have to compete in an event Hinagiku won't be entering."]_

"Yes…about the festival…" Kain said carefully. "There are a lot of competitions, aren't there?"

"Yes. The high school student councils are in charge of it, and there are dozens of events on day one. On day two we have what the students like to call 'the marathon', even though none of the courses are that long, but there are six races for that day."

"I see…so, which course are you planning on running, Hinagiku- _san_?"

"All of them, of course."

Kain sat silently, his tea cup in his hand, trying to think of his next move. As Alyssa had feared, Hinagiku was intent on entering all of them, despite the number of events, and as she said, it would be very difficult to have Alyssa beat Hinagiku in a believable manner. "Umm…all of them?"

"Yes, all of them…I don't care for the track team, but I enjoy the occasional challenge, and doing this keeps me in shape, so I'm going to win all the competitions again this year. I'm even entering the three-legged-race competition with Satô Keisaku, and Sendô Iori- _senpai_ is in charge of that one, so it'll likely have some kind of weird punishment-game-quality to it…but still, it's a challenge I can't refuse. Why are you so interested?"

"Umm, I was just thinking…it might be a little much to compete in that many…."

"Oh, it's not that difficult. They aren't really 'marathons', after all, and even the 500 meter competition isn't that bad. Many of us compete in that one."

"Ah, b-but…maybe…are you sure you really want to win _all_ of them? Maybe you should take it easy on some of the courses…?"

Hinagiku laughed. "Ah, Kain- _sensei_ …I thought you knew me by now…." She looked at him and flashed him one of her brightest, most pleasant smiles. "Do I really strike you as the kind of person who'd do something like that?"

"…No, not at all…unfortunately…."

"But, asking me questions like this," Hinagiku said, a hint of teasing in her voice, "Kain- _sensei_ must be trying to figure out what I'm not competing in so that you can arrange for Alyssa- _chan_ to win, right?"

"W-what? H-how did you…?"

"The principal's already told me everything. I'm glad you're taking your duties seriously, although I really can't believe the man."

"A-ah, I see…w-well, if you know all about it, then maybe…."

"I know the principal has made some rather ridiculous declarations," she replied flippantly. "There's no way he'd condemn you to a task _this_ impossible. Getting our Baka Rangers to study a little is one thing, but he can't possibly believe that you could ever get a little girl like Alyssa to beat me. If you can…then that, too, is a challenge I can't pass up. However…." She reached into a drawer in the desk and removed a flyer. "Out of respect for the both of you, I can give you this." She handed it to him.

Kain examined it carefully. "What is this?"

"I don't know all the details, but the school board has decided to balance things out for all the students. They've chosen to reinstate one of the Six Traditional Mahora Events, the so-called 'Freestyle Marathon', and this will be the last event of Day Two."

"Freestyle Marathon…what's that?"

"Beats me. I only just heard about it. That's why you _might_ have a chance. Like the three-legged race, it is raced in pairs, and anyone can compete in it, from any age level…even teachers can compete. Furthermore, there's supposed to be a cash prize associated with it, like all of the Six Traditional Events…in this case, 150 million yen."

"ONE-HUNDRED-FIFTY MILLION YEN!?" exploded Yukiji, slamming the door open and blasting into the room. She barged over to Hinagiku and began invading her space in a major way. "Hey, hey…is that true what you said? A teacher can compete in this event? And can win 150 million yen?"

"Y-yeah…you have to partner with someone, but anyone can participate in this one, so…."

"I see…." Yukiji glanced up, stars in her eyes. "If I had that much money…I could drink _all I want_."

 _('She is_ so _sick…')_ Hinagiku thought.

8-8-8

"I see," Alyssa murmured, looking over the course. "This is an event that is almost worthy of a name like 'marathon'. The course runs all around the edge of the school grounds, including through our beloved Mahora wilderness, it is done in pairs, and since it's 'freestyle', apparently anything goes. There are specific checkpoints that have to be hit, but otherwise the course is entirely up to the participants, so dangerous shortcuts are permissible through the woods. In other words, you can run with me, use your magic to boost me, and we can take all the most dangerous shortcuts because nothing can threaten you in your present state. I wonder if that old fool planned this kind of thing from the beginning…."

"Maybe," Kain answered casually. "I feel a lot better about this now. I'd feel even better if you entered a few more races to increase your chances…."

"I told you, there's no point. With my little stamina, it's better I don't waste any more than necessary on meaningless effort…."

"Well, I can't argue that much. However…we should start training."

Alyssa started. "T-training? Are you stupid, Kain- _sensei_? I already explained that my body can't improve from exercise…."

"But that's not totally true, is it?" Kamo replied sweetly, appearing on Kain's shoulder. "If your body was truly completely frozen in time, you couldn't be hurt, and you wouldn't get tired because your body couldn't gain or lose stamina. You may not age or grow, but you should be capable of at least minor improvements, temporarily; a little practice running should enable you to gain a bit of stamina before the event, so we should practice. After all, if something happens to Kain, you might have to run on your own…even if it's for a short distance, every little thing will help."

Alyssa glowered at him. "You're too clever for your own good sometimes, rodent…."

 _('Perhaps,')_ he thought to himself. _('However, I can clearly see how the principal does things. This is a test of how Kain will react more than anything, I think…and how well he can handle Alyssa. Giving her a requirement to improve her grades in any other area would simply be a matter of her whims, whether she wanted Kain to succeed, maybe whether he could coax it out of her…but it would all be up to her at the end, because she's an ancient demon with all the knowledge she could want. With this requirement, he has to manage Alyssa, Hinagiku, other members of the class, and his own magic ability…it'll be fun to see how this goes….')_

8-8-8

Kain put Alyssa through her paces, and Miyu, to Alyssa's annoyance, actually supported Kain in his efforts to train the girl. Finally Monday arrived, and Alyssa steadfastly refused to practice any longer.

"I'm not involved in any of the races today," she said bluntly. "And I'm tired of this stupid weak and feeble body. I'll admit I've gained a _little_ stamina from the training, but one more day won't make any difference. Either our scheme tomorrow will work, or it won't."

So Kain wandered around the grounds, watching the various races and various activities. Most of the competitions were races, and Hinagiku, as she threatened, entered every competition available to her.

Not all the races, exactly. After all, there were six total schools at the academy. The elementary school students had their own little exercises and the most attention from visiting parents, and they were completely separate from the rest. The adults of the university were likewise separated from all other schools. The two middle schools and two high schools, however, had various activities, often mixed up with each other. There were several courses only for specific years, and so naturally none of Kain's students participated in any besides the third year middle school ones. Some were gender segregated. Some were for two or three years, some were cross-school, and there were almost too many to innumerate.

Most students only signed up for one or two of the available activities, but some, like Erika and Hinagiku, delighted in entering as many as possible. And, as he had seen thus far, Erika strove with all her might to beat Hinagiku, but could never quite manage it….

He felt really sorry for Kaoru and the other members of the track team, who also constantly fell short of the two super women.

And Sakura was perhaps the oddest participant. She competed in only one event, the two-hundred meter relay, and was paired with Hinagiku for that event. Kain thought, perhaps, that she actually ran even faster than Hinagiku…the pair won their match so easily, and Kain couldn't help wondering why the number one superwoman, Sakura Sanada, didn't also compete in more events and work as hard for those as she did in class….

Nanami, of course, took her place as main announcer, but occasionally others helped out, such as Izumi (fulfilling some duties that were dumped on her as the _iinchô_ of class 3-A) and Kanade. After all, there were so many events going on that several needed announcers at the same time.

Kanade, in fact, had been announcing for two events before Kain walked by, and she frantically called him over.

"Kain- _sensei_! Kain- _sensei_! You have to take over announcing for me!"

Kain stared blandly at her. "Why?" he asked. "Isn't it your job? We teachers are only supposed to observe…."

"Ah, but this race is no good!" she moaned. "It's the sixteen-hundred meter run between all 3rd-year and 2nd-year middle school girls! Hina- _chan_ is competing in it!"

Kain stared at her for a second, then glanced at the course. Of course, Hinagiku was there, but...

Oh, that's right…Hina- _chan_ was, to Kanade, her younger sister Haruna. She was, indeed, competing in this race, and….

The race began, and Kanade snatched up the microphone. "And they're off! The 3rd years' _kaichô_ and _fukukaichô_ are leading right from the get-go, of course, but it looks like my Hina- _chan_ is actually fighting for third place! Oh, that's not Hina- _chô_ , the _kaichô_ , but my sister, Yûki Haruna, who is Hina- _chan_! She's the super-lovely girl with the long brown hair who's fallen to 4th in line right now, but she'll fight back up soon because she's my super-sister!" Kanade covered the microphone and looked imploringly at Kain. "See, _Sensei_? When it's about my sister, I just can't be objective, I want to cheer for Hina- _chan_ and…." She suddenly yelled back into the microphone, "And Hina- _chan_ is making a push! She's moving into third place and looking to gain ground on Eririn!" She covered the microphone again. "Please, Kain- _sensei_?"

"You really should just try to be more objective…."

"Fine then, I guess I'll sing my 'Love Love Hina- _chan_ ' song for everyone!" She began to sing a silly and embarrassing little song….

Sighing in disgust, Kain snatched up the microphone and took a place at the table. "Katsura Hinagiku and Sendô Erika are clearly the cream of this race, putting quite some distance between themselves and their nearest competitors." He groped in his mind for the proper lingo for announcing races, and recalled the two times Luna Inverse had taken him to the local horse races. "Currently in 2nd, Sendô Erika is ahead of the rest by five horse-lengths, and Katsura Hinagiku has a lead on her by about half a horse-length." Running the race, the two leading girls twitched with anger at the description. "Yûki Haruna of 2-B is indeed still in 3rd place at the moment, barely a quarter horse-length ahead of…."

He continued giving the descriptions, trying to evaluate the race so intently he didn't notice the laughs resounding around him in response to his interesting descriptions. Finally, after finishing the race—Hinagiku won by 'nearly a horse-length'—the _kaichô_ pair continued running and charged straight up to the announcer's table, where they angrily assaulted Kain with such vigor ("What are we, racehorses?" they screamed at him) that the pavilion over the table collapsed on top of them all and Kain had to rescue everyone from it and eventually repair it.

8-8-8

There were no other real problems that day, at least until the final event of the day, the three-legged race.

The three-legged race was a special activity for all members of the middle and high schools. It was actually separated into six pieces, each year's students competing against other students of the same year. As with all three-legged races, it was a two-man race with the right leg of one member tied to the left leg of another—although in this case it was required to have a one-man-one-woman team. It was also an obstacle course designed by Iori, with some sort of special final activity at the end of the race. From what Kain had heard, the pairs were supposed to have been determined randomly from students in the same grade level.

"No way we're giving Hinagiku- _kaichô_ a grand slam!" declared Matake Ogata. She was paired with her childhood friend Eita Tanaka.

Their other childhood friend, Keisaku Satô and the boy that Matake secretly saw as her 'rival', sneered at them. "Well, good luck with that. It's a foregone conclusion that we'll win, especially since it's me paired with Katsura- _san_."

As the friends continued their competitive, good-natured banter, disaster struck on the other side of the field.

Kain approached the crowd and pushed his way through it to see what they had gathered around. A young man he did not recognize lay on the ground, groaning slightly. "What's the matter?" he asked.

The three foremost around the boy were Hinagiku, Kazumi Yoshida, and Iori himself. "It seems our unlucky Azumamiya- _kun_ fell and troubled his leg somehow," the high school _kaichô_ explained nonchalantly. He did sigh. "It's a bit of a tragedy; he was supposed to be Yoshida- _chan_ 's partner in this race, but now of course he's injured and neither one of them can compete."

Kazumi actually looked downcast. Kain was surprised. Kazumi was known to him as one of the lesser athletes of the class; she was anemic and often had problems with P.E. Was there a reason she was looking forward to this race? Well, she was quite a good, reliable girl and she didn't seem the kind who would be relieved at an 'unlucky' turn removing a troublesome duty from her path. No, she was definitely the type who would also be dismayed at misfortune affecting another.

"Isn't there anyone else who can take his place?" Kain asked.

"Unfortunately, there isn't," Hinagiku said, glaring at Iori. " _Someone_ insisted that all available members of the third-year middle schools compete, and that stipulation was accepted by the rest of the organizing committee." Kain understood the accusing undertones that Iori had done it specifically because that was his sister's year. "So all the available partners are already taken. There's no one…."

Iori glanced at Kain and gave a small smile. "On the contrary…there may be someone…."

And Kain caught this look, too, and considered it briefly. "I know I'm a teacher, but if I'm allowed to compete, I'd be willing to."

Hinagiku glanced up at him. "What?"

"Well, Kain- _sensei_ may be a teacher, but he is a young man of the appropriate age for your year," Iori explained to her. "We wouldn't normally include him, but in this emergency, he might make a fine substitute. After all, he is even the teacher of your 3rd-year class, so he's technically a part of it, isn't he?"

"Ah…well…." Hinagiku considered this carefully.

"As the primary organizer of the event, mine is one voice in favor. As a licensed teacher, Kain- _sensei_ is a second. If you agree, Hinagiku- _chan_ , you, as the _kaichô_ for your school, would be a third official voice, and that would be more than enough to allow it."

"Yes, that's true," Hinagiku agreed. "And…competing against Kain- _sensei_? That would make an interesting challenge…and…furthermore…but I think we should have the consent of a fourth voice, the one of the girl involved." She turned to Kazumi, who had been glancing back and forth between the three in awe, and gave her a wink and a knowing smile. "Well, what about it, Kazumi- _san_? I'm sure you wouldn't be too put out at being excused from this ridiculous little match, but would you consider continuing with Kain- _sensei_ as your partner?"

"K-Kain- _sensei_?" Kazumi attempted to hide her blush and offered, "W-well, I suppose I can…."

"Well then, if you'll give me a moment to get changed, I'll join you momentarily." Kain rose, smiled at the girl, and started away with a wave.

Kazumi watched him go, stars in her eyes. _('Competing in this event…with Kain-_ sensei _….')_

"Good for you, Kazumi- _san_ ," Hinagiku congratulated her as medics arrived to cart the unfortunate Kôtarô Azumamiya away. "You have a chance to have some fun with Kain- _sensei_. But…I still won't lose to you!"

"E-eh? N-no, I wouldn't think…."

"In any case, do your best!"

Kain returned with surprising speed from the nearby restrooms, dressed in the gym clothes of the boys' middle school. Hinagiku looked at him suspiciously as he (tied to Kazumi) finally made his way to the starting line. "That was quite fast, Kain- _sensei_. Do you have some sort of school fetish and carry around a set of gym clothes for our school just in case or something?"

Kain could only laugh with embarrassment, not able to tell the truth about his quick-changing abilities and the reasons behind them.

Erika, bound to some unimportant random boy, Student A, we shall call him, stared at Kain- _sensei_ in shock. "You're…competing, Kain- _sensei_?"

"Yes…it's an emergency, but I've been allowed." He raised a hand to his face apologetically.

She shrugged. "Well, the more, the merrier, I suppose."

Several members of Kain's fan club stared at the pair in consternation, and several bit their thumbs and muttered about the unfairness of the situation.

Finally the gun sounded, and they were off. Nanami was on announcing duties—there were a few more girls than boys in the grade level, and so Alyssa (because of her size and supposed age) and Nanami (because they needed an announcer) were able to wriggle out of this race.

Kazumi was not very athletic and did not have much stamina, but Kain was incredibly agile and coordinated, and made up for Kazumi's deficiencies with surprising skill. Of course, he did not actually care much about winning the race, but he did want to make sure that they (Kazumi, mostly) would not be embarrassed by their performance, so when it was necessary he…gave a secret leg up to their efforts.

The pair made their way crawling under the netting, walking sideways side-by-side across the long balance beam, and hopped with care through the tire course, and found that they were actually in third place. Hinagiku was ahead with Keisaku, and Erika, as usual, was in second, but far behind this time because Student A wasn't nearly as athletic as Keisaku.

As they spotted the home stretch up ahead, Kain suddenly said to Kazumi, "You know, we're actually doing pretty well…I really don't think we could beat Hinagiku- _san_ , but wouldn't you like to at least pass up Erika- _san_ and take 2nd place?"

Kazumi stared up at him for a brief moment as they hopped along before she turned her head away, blushing. "S-sure!"

 _('I-I thought this was a dream come true all on its own_ , _')_ she thought as they quickened their pace. _('Running this race with Kain-_ sensei _…we're so close to each other, w-we're_ touching _each other like this…but this feeling…not just running it, but doing so well…it's amazing….')_

At the end of the course was a huge tent with twenty stalls intended for the first twenty arrivals—all those who arrived later failed to qualify for any prizes and would all be 'losers'. The finish of the race required the girl on each team to enter one of the stalls and put on whatever clothes they found inside. The actual order they emerged from their stall fully dressed would be the order they actually completed the race. Naturally, a crazy idea of Iori's….

Hinagiku was still inside as they approached, and Erika managed to enter just before Kazumi did. There was an indecipherable curse of some kind from Hinagiku as Kazumi entered third.

Kain stood by Keisaku and Student A, waiting for their ladies to emerge and dreading what kind of crazy thing the enigmatic vampire had conceived for this part of the competition.

Finally Hinagiku emerged in a great white wedding dress, flushing profusely but walking proudly to Keisaku's side and, arm-in-arm with him, crossed the mostly symbolic finishing line.

"And Katsura Hinagiku has, to no one's surprise, finished first alongside her partner, Satô Keisaku! Complements of Sendô Iori, the boys' high school _kaichô_ who was in charge of this event, she has given us a treat to behold for this wonderful finish in that beautiful wedding dress! How many boys here would like to accompany her while she wears that dress? How many _girls_ wish she would wear that dress for their sake?

"Sendô Erika entered second, but she seems to be having some difficulty. Two more girls are getting ready to enter…oh, but here comes Yoshida Kazumi, who entered third, who is emerging second! And…wow, what a vision for our young men!"

Kazumi flushed significantly as she emerged, and there was quite a lot of her to flush, for she was in a maid outfit—one based off of the 'French maid' version, with no shoulders to the top, a skirt that was barely adequate to cover the lower underwear, tight stockings that rose up to the mid-thigh with a garter belt, elbow-length white gloves, black high-heeled shoes, a lacey white neck piece and a white bonnet on her head. Kain stared in shock.

From inside a squawk of indignation came from Erika.

"Seems like Erika won the booby prize," Kain heard Iori chuckle as he walked past him across the finish line, arm-in-arm with Kazumi, blushing himself and trying not to look at her.

"Yoshida Kazumi's partner Azumamiya Kôtarô injured himself just before the competition, but our officials allowed the child teacher, Kain Lockeheart- _sensei_ , to be his replacement, and the teacher has shown his own remarkable nature, guiding Yoshida to a second-place finish! His reward was the sight of his student in an alluringly sexy maid outfit! But Sendô Erika, who entered before Yoshida, is still inside the dressing room! Is she experiencing some difficulty with her own outfit? Oh, wait! It seems she's emerging…."

Kain, with morbid fascination, turned to watch the stall, quite afraid of what embarrassing outfit Erika was being subjected to….

He blinked in surprise and almost sighed with relief as she finally…waddled out of the room, clumsily, stuffed inside a large yellow duck suit. Her indignant face was visible inside the duck's open beak. "What the hell is this!?" she cried, glaring in Iori's direction. Her companion rigidly took her wing and guided her across the finish line.

8-8-8

Sometime later Kain was helping his students pack up all the stalls and other paraphernalia that would not be required for the 'marathons' the next day. He found himself working next to Kazumi as they folded up a tent.

"T-thank you for…for running that race with me, Kain- _sensei_ ," she murmured.

"Ah…not a problem," he replied nervously. "It was, you know, fun. And…well, it must have been embarrassing, wearing that outfit, but you looked…quite lovely in it…."

"A-ah…no…well…I mean, it was…thank you," she finished quietly.

They worked in silence thereafter, and Kain was privately surprised no one appeared to harass them about the matter. Finally, the work done, he rose and sighed.

"And tomorrow's the big day," he muttered.

"Eh? What's that, Kain- _sensei_?"

"Oh, the principal has asked me to try and get Alyssa- _chan_ involved in athletics a little, so we'll be competing together in the Freestyle Marathon tomorrow. I'm…not looking forward to it…."

"O-oh…I see…well, I'll be cheering for you, Kain- _sensei_ …."

"Thank you…."

After they said their farewells and headed off, Kain turned his feet towards the fountain with a sigh. Most of the students were exhausted and going straight to bed to rest before the second day's insanity, but Kain was not that tired yet and frankly was determined to avoid them all for a little while. Kamo, however, manifested on his shoulder again, snickering. "That was a lot of fun. I have to hand it to that Iori, he comes up with some pretty good ideas…."

"That's enough, Kamo. Really, that final event was ridiculous…."

"You say that, but I'm sure you enjoyed it," Alyssa needled him, also appearing out of nowhere. "You had _lots_ of reasons to do so…if you're really a man, at least. Yoshida- _san_ won't be forgetting that event any time soon." She looked at him shrewdly as he flushed and opened his mouth to protest. "This isn't as bad as what Iori has done in the past, however. Last year was a water balloon basketball game for the final event that started out fine but turned tragic towards the end.

"In any case, you better not stay up too late…I'll be counting on you for tomorrow's big event. Don't disappoint me." With that, she turned and walked to Miyu, and the two headed off.

Kain stared after them for a moment and then sighed. "I'm the one who will suffer if this goes wrong…shouldn't I be saying that to her?"

"Just let it be, Kiddo," Kamo advised him with a chuckle. "If it's anything like today, it's going to be a lot of fun…."

8-8-8

And so, with much anticipation, the day of the 'Marathons' arrives….

"And after all that anticipation…it would have been nice if the event ended up being cancelled due to rain, but…." Alyssa held a hand out and glared up at the shining sky. "It's so sunny…" she continued accusingly.

"That's an interesting character you're channeling," Kain chuckled. "C'mon, Alyssa, it can't be that bad…."

"It wouldn't be that bad if it was near a full moon and I had the tiniest fraction of my power," Alyssa retorted. "That stupid old fool chose well. I really am nothing but a little girl right now. That's not a good thing."

"Come now, a little bit of exercise…."

"It's not exercise that's the problem. You don't know anything about the Freestyle Marathon, do you? The Six Traditional Events of Mahora Academy were so dangerous they were prohibited for a long time…they were removed around the time your father and I were visiting twenty-five years ago. The Freestyle Marathon is one of those…in the name of freedom, it allows _any_ means to reach the goal, and it was considered such a cruel competition that most participants could never even finish the race."

"That's right," Kamo agreed. "As you might expect, allowing anything in the name of freedom can get out of control…just like this story…."

"Not another word, Kamo."

"In any case," Alyssa sighed, "we have to rely on that same freedom to allow us to win this competition and beat Hinagiku."

"In other words, that means you have no chance of beating Hina- _chan_ fair and square, right?"

"Shut up, rodent! Let's get going, Kain!"

8-8-8

Most of the participants were already there, preparing for the race. Several others lingered after finishing one of the previous five 'normal' marathons.

And, cackling evilly, Yukiji stared at the pictures in a 'World-Famous Alcohol' book. Her maniacal laughter created a zone around her that the other fearful students and teachers would not enter.

 _('The total cash prize is 150 million yen. If I had that much, I could drink all the Dom Pérignon I've yearned for…I've…I've been waiting for this opportunity! Yukiji, you have to win! You must win this big game…Yukiji! You could be the one to win!')_

"I'm gonna win!" she screamed.

Double exclamation points—in thoughts and vocally. A sure sign of a deranged mind.

"What was that?" Miki murmured, glancing back toward the fearful noise.

"Katsura- _chan_ is at her best today, too," Izumi replied with her unflappable cheerfulness.

"But who would run one of the 'marathons' even if there was a cash prize?" Miki pressed.

"Hehe. I ran the 500-meter earlier. But I know you don't like to exercise, Miki- _chan_."

"It's only a marathon and it's pretty easy to withdraw. I don't understand why _anyone_ would want to participate in the freestyle…."

As Miki onologue, Hinagiku approached with Riza flanking her. "Oh, there they are," the _kaichô_ said upon spotting the pair. "Hi, Miki…."

"Well, well," Miki answered nonchalantly, looking the girl up and down. "It's the _kaichô_ who swept all the third-year girls' marathons and all other competitions she's entered so far at this so-called festival, even the three-legged race."

"Congratulations, Hina- _chan_!" Izumi offered.

As Hinagiku thanked her friend, Miki continued, "So, if you win the last course, the Freestyle Marathon, you'll have a grand slam." She started to turn away with a wave. "Well, I wish you the best."

"What are you saying?" Hinagiku replied sweetly. "You're participating, too."

This brought Miki up short. She stopped and turned back to stare at Hinagiku for several moments. "Huh!?"

"Don't worry. I already entered you."

"No, what I mean is…!"

"You were the only person in the student body who hasn't participated in any of the races yet today," Hinagiku explained. "So, you should at least be in the last one. I'll make sure you finish the race as my partner."

Miki turned to glare at Izumi and Riza, who smiled at her in reply. Naturally, she realized, they had already participated in the shortest-distance race, the 500-meter marathon, solely for this reason, and Miki greatly envied their cleverness.

"The course circles the entire Mahora campus, so it's a pretty long distance," Riza informed her, chuckling. "But…."

"…Just hang in there and do your best!" Izumi finished. Cheerfully.

"Noooo!"

8-8-8

"And?" Kyonosuke Kaoru, P.E. teacher, asked dourly. "Why should I team up with you?"

"Because no one else will run with me, obviously," Yukiji replied matter-of-factly.

 _('What an unpopular teacher….')_ "Never mind that. Why don't you pay me back the 3,000 yen I loaned you so I can buy a Gundam model? Remember? When we went out for drinks last time?"

"Hah! A measly 3,000 yen!?" Yukiji began to chuckle. "Small…you're so small-minded, Kaoru- _sensei_ …. And because you've been small-minded your entire 26-year-old life, Gundam models are the closest thing you've ever had to a real girlfriend!" she finished, pointing at the man with an accusatory finger and devilish glee.

"That's…that's none of your business!" Kyonosuke snapped back, reddening.

"So, Cherry Boy, that's why you have to participate in this marathon race," Yukiji said, finishing her explanation (or so it would seem).

 _('I'm going to kill you!')_ Kyonosuke thought as his reddening ears caught the tones of giggling women around who had been forced to overhear the conversation. _('After we get that money, I'm definitely going to kill you!')_

The participants lined up for the race. Kain glanced around, frowning. "There are…a lot more participants than I thought there'd be…."

"Some people joined just for the prize money, some for the novelty of it, and some just to impress girls or something," Alyssa replied negligently. "Most of them will drop out before too long. Only those who are _obsessed_ with whatever they're aiming for—money, girls, the race itself, or trying to keep their job—will be left before too long." She sighed and scowled down at herself. Naturally, she looked adorable in the gym uniform she wore, but it didn't suit her tastes at all. "It's about to start…let's get this over with so I can put this torture behind us…."

A gun soon announced the commencement of the race, and the horde staggered off across the starting line and into the path that immediately led into Mahora's wilderness.

"The Freestyle Marathon has begun!" cheered Izumi from the announcer's booth. "Who'll be the one to dominate this traditional course and win the prize!? And from here on, we, the Student Body Broadcasting Station, will provide live coverage through the monitors located at various points along the course, along with a few special guests. Our main broadcaster, Jinnai Nanami- _chan_ , will return in a moment, but until then, we have our first guest here today: Tôgi Shiro- _chan_! Thank you for being here."

"Um…t-thank you for having me," Shiro mumbled. Upon hearing her voice a large collection of cheers rose from patches of male students. The little girl had a surprisingly strong fan base.

Upon hearing the noise, Seiichirô glanced up, looked around at the assembled young men, and scowled slightly.

 _('I-I'm only here because I let Yukimaru out to explore during the festival and he got lost, and I had to catch him again…but now they made me sit here for some reason…b-but, I have to do my best, for_ Onii-chan _'s sake, too….')_

"Well?" Izumi asked her suddenly. "So, Shiro- _chan_ , who do you think will win the race?"

"Eh!? Uh…w-well…let's see…I…I think the one who takes first place will win the race!"

Izumi stared at Shiro in disbelief for a few seconds. "I see…" she said finally. "If so, then whoever comes in second will be the runner-up, right?"

"Huh? Ah! No! I-I mean…t-that's…!"

"Well, thank you very much, Shiro- _chan_. That was the boys' high school's _fukukaichô_ 's, Togi Seiichirô's little sister, a member of the Laurel Ring, folks!"

"N-no, w-what I meant was…!"

As Izumi began to consider other things to remark upon and Shiro started to flee from the booth, she caught sight of Seiichirô standing nearby, glaring at her with his hard, joyless face. "Ahaha…T-Tôgi- _senpai_ …that was…."

8-8-8

"If I take first place, I'll win the race!" crowed Yukiji. "Strength is power!"

Yukiji charged like a freight train along the course, sending other contestants who couldn't get out of her way sprawling, dragging Kyonosuke along behind her by the collar. "Bwaa haha! Move! Get out of my way, you nobodies! That cash prize is _mine_!"

"It seems we're already some distance behind the leader," Kain remarked, staring at a nearby monitor screen. He turned to his partner. "How are you doing, Alyssa?"

Alyssa was actually leaning on some sort of straight tree limb she had somehow found, making a rather strange but amusing sight as she tried to stifle her panting.

"Well, that answers that question," Kain laughed. "So, I guess it's time to put our plan into motion."

Alyssa glared at him. "And what plan would that be?"

"This seems as good a place as any to start cutting cross-country to get to the checkpoints quickly. No one's around, so I'll simply carry you along the course from this point onward."

"C-carry me!?"

"What's the problem? You let Miyu carry you around…."

"Not all the time. Only in emergencies. And that's Miyu…."

"And this, I think, is an emergency." He scooped the demon girl up and started the anime leap advance into the woods. "Off we go!"

Alyssa muttered indistinctly.

8-8-8

"Well, it's true that I didn't intend to run this whole course the long way, but…." Miki paused in her speech and looked around her. "…We _are_ still on the school grounds…right?"

It was a good question. Trees of enormous size towered around them. They seemed almost primeval, with exotic vines hanging from the branches, great bushes sprouting around that looked like they had been taken from a Dr. Seuss story. Perhaps it was Miki's imagination, but she could swear she heard the sounds of prowling beasts just out of sight….

Hinagiku stopped for a moment and offered a begrudging, "What a place."

"I mean, is this place really safe!?" Miki pressed, quickening her pace to get closer to her companion.

"It should be safe," Hinagiku replied confidently. "It's still on school premises, after all."

"So, why do we have to participate in pairs for this race, anyway?"

"Oh, that? If one of us gets hurt, the other can go for help…."

"Wait! Wait!" Miki shrieked. "That means this really _is_ dangerous!" She stomped her foot and gave out a gasp of exasperation. She folded her arms and burst out, "Hina, you're so selfish! You think everyone can handle whatever you can do! You never ask for my opinion! You decide everything on your own! I may not look it, but I'm pretty fragile! I don't know what you're up to, but if something dangerous happens…."

"Don't worry," Hinagiku interjected calmly, turning her large green eyes back on Miki. She winked at her and declared amiably, "If that happens, I'll protect you."

Miki stared at the girl and flushed slightly. _('Darn…that wasn't fair…')_ she thought as Hinagiku turned back to the path ahead.

"Oh, I see the first checkpoint now."

The checkpoint was a large open-walled tent set up at the side of the actual road running along the perimeter of the school grounds. There was a large collection of roses set up next to the official's desk. The man at the desk wore a baseball cap and seemed to have been borrowed from a MegaTokyo gaming convention.

"Hello," Hinagiku greeted him as the pair approached. "So what place are we in?"

"Well…." The man looked at his clipboard. "Five pairs have passed through, so…you're in 6th place right now."

"What? Sixth!?" Hinagiku cried, shocked.

"By the way, what's with these roses?" Miki interjected, caring little for their place and interested more in her curiosity.

"Oh, you have to pin one on your chest," the official explained.

"Huh?"

"It's a rule that applies from here on in. From this point on, it'll be more dangerous because of other people who will obstruct your path in order to win. Anyone whose rose is damaged is immediately disqualified."

"What are we supposed to be now, _revolutionary girls_?" Miki demanded sourly.

"Come on, we have no time to waste!" Hinagiku snapped, pinning a rose to her chest and starting off. "We're in 6th place! Let's hurry, Miki!"

"Ah…right!"

8-8-8

"Wow…we're already in 5th place," Kain said pleasantly as he pelted along through the forest. "And I haven't had to do anything serious yet."

"Good for you," Alyssa muttered. "Well, as long as we finish this race, that's fine."

"Of course. We're heading straight to victory!"

"Do you really think it'll be that easy?"

A cascade of missiles fell from the trees above, intent on impaling Kain and his burden. Kain leapt gracefully out of the way and turned his attention to this sudden assault. First his gaze caught sight of the weapons that had been used….

"Roses!?"

"I won't let you win the race that easily," said the assailant from a tree branch high above. Kain took a good look at him. Kain was considered quite handsome by most of the girls, but this young man, several years older, was an obvious looker with his slightly dark skin and black hair—he could be called 'beautiful', his features were so fine. He was well-dressed in a kind of suit that wasn't a standard school uniform, and his coat was quite long. Gripping his leg was a small child, probably a boy, with straight light hair, about eight years old and dressed in a regular elementary school gym outfit.

"You…you're…." Kain hesitated. "Who are you, exactly?"

"I'm Saeki Himuro, 2nd-year high school student. I'm a first-class butler. This is Taiga- _bocchan_ [Master Taiga]."

Kain stared. "So…you're competing in this marathon race as well? With your…master there?"

"Yes." The man was sniffing a rose delicately. "I must win this race at _any_ cost."

"At any cost? Why is that?" Kain asked.

"That's because, as a first-class butler, I must win for Taiga- _bocchan_ 's sake. And…." His face took on a sparkling warm _bishonen_ expression that could make three out of every four fangirls swoon. "…Because I _love_ money."

Kain and Alyssa stared at the man in shock. "What a fool," Alyssa muttered.

"You say something so _vile_ ," Kain accused the man, "With such a _charming_ face?"

"I am pure," Himuro replied simply. "And because I'm pure, I choose the most effective way to win. I will defeat any opponent who might have a chance at winning… _right here_!" He threw more roses Kain's way.

Scooping up Alyssa again, Kain dodged the attacks. _('How do I handle this situation?')_ he thought. _('Himuro Saeki has more than normal human abilities, but it's not magic…probably_ ki _, so I don't know if I can safely use my own magic to defend myself without exposing myself….')_

"What's the matter? I heard the child teacher was an incredible prodigy in all arts. Are you unwell?"

Kain gritted his teeth as he continued dodging the attacks. If only he could….

Suddenly a figure jumped in front of the most recent barrage and a flash of silver swept around, cutting through all the missiles. Kain stared up in surprise. "Miyu!?"

Caria came panting into view a second later. "Miyu…Miyu…why are you dashing here so suddenly…." She was brought up short by the scene. "Oh."

Miyu stared up at Himuro with her cold, expressionless eyes. "I will not allow you to attack Alyssa- _sama_ , nor to impede her progress, along with Kain- _sensei_ 's. I will be your opponent now." She turned her head slightly to glance back at the pair. "Kain- _sensei_ , I will hold him here. Continue onward with Alyssa- _sama_."

Kain stared, then nodded. "R-right. Thank you, Miyu!"

Himuro let Kain go. He knew he had his hands full here. "This will be troublesome," he murmured as Miyu prepared to charge.

8-8-8

"The race is now in its final stage!" declared Nanami. "Right now, there are six teams leading the pack! The teacher duo is in the lead, with Team Azumamiya in second place, followed by Kain Lockeheart's team in third, Caria Spetzer and Miyu Greer in fourth, Team Taiga- _bocchan_ in fifth and the Student Body President in 6th place!"

Kain paused by a monitor and considered this. "Hinagiku- _san_ is only in 6th place? That's odd…I thought for sure she'd be doing better than that…."

"Bad choice of partner," Alyssa replied. "Well, Hanabishi- _san_ is older and stronger than me, but as strong as Hinagiku is, she isn't buff enough to carry the girl like some people are."

"And I'm surprised Erika- _san_ isn't competing…."

"I think I saw the rodent talking to her yesterday. Probably told her about our situation. Although she likely didn't need much pushing—Erika wants desperately to beat Hinagiku, but she wants to do it without using any of her powers. This competition isn't, for her, such a great excuse to use those powers and finally win. She could always call on a bit of power subtly in order to beat her if she could stand it."

Speaking of Erika, she was currently watching the race alongside the rest of their party—Mai, Momo, Kagome, Nodoka, Ami, Yue, Akari, and Kiami. Kamo was with them.

"They're doing surprisingly well," Kagome commented. "Well, I guess it's all thanks to Kain- _sensei_ …."

"He's probably taking it easy right now," Ami noted. "I'm a little worried about Katsura- _sensei_ , though…she'll be hard to stop…."

"What's the purpose of this, anyway?" Mai murmured. "How serious is it?"

"I don't know," Kamo admitted. "The old man suggested Kain would have to leave if he failed again, but this seems a little too wild to really require that…I think he's got something else planned…we'll just have to wait and see."

"Who's 'Azumamiya?'" Akari demanded. "I don't recognize that name…."

"The young swain who pines for Hinagiku- _kaichô_ ," Kiami explained.

"Him? The member of the twelve families?"

"No, the other one. The one who even followed her to the _Kendô_ Club."

"Azumamiya Kôtarô- _kun_ ," Momo added. "He's…the weakest member of the _Kendô_ Club…."

"Oh, _him_. How is he in second place?"

"He's one of the ones with a butler," Erika explained. "His butler, Nonohara Kaede, is supposed to be incredibly skilled and strong…." She frowned suddenly. "Wait a minute…Azumamiya- _kun_ hurt himself yesterday…supposedly…."

The other girls began to discuss this point. Mai made no comment as she watched. There was definitely something odd about all of this…she hoped that nothing unfortunate would happen to Kain….

"We should note that most of the students who tried running the course have withdrawn, saying that it's too hard," Izumi noted from the announcer's booth. "What do you think of the situation, Nanami- _chan_?"

"This is a prestigious school," Nanami replied. "These students lack physical strength. Those with too little resolve and no strength have already dropped out. On the other hand, those teams with the power are still going…."

"Bwaa haha!" Yukiji roared as she continued her rampage. "I'm going to win the race! The 150 million yen is mine!"

And then, running senselessly, she charged straight off the cliff.

"The participants are self-destructing by falling into traps such as this…" Izumi noted tremulously as they watched this event unfold. "It makes me wonder if this school is really okay."

"This is a prestigious school," Nanami replied. "They've taken excellent safety precautions."

8-8-8

Metal clashed against metal as Kain strove against Kaede Nonohara, the Azumamiya family butler. Kain wasn't sure how they ended up involved in a swordfight—moreover, underneath a randomly-placed gazebo here in the middle of Mahora's wilderness—but sometimes odd clashes like this just happen during a scene change.

"You must be the famous child teacher," Kaede said. "I heard you were pretty good…is this all you're capable of?"

"You are…Nonohara Kaede- _san_? You're competing in this 'marathon' as well?"

"Yes. I have no interest in the cash prize, but I want _Obocchama_ to overcome many hardships and trials so that he may become a fine gentleman. Therefore, teacher or no, I won't go easy on you, Kain Lockeheart- _sensei_."

Kôtarô was hiding behind a pillar, but peeked out with glee as they battled. "Ha haha ha! Good! Go, Nonohara!"

"You're…Azumamiya Kôtarô- _san_ , aren't you?" Kain asked. "I thought you injured yourself yesterday. Why are you here?"

"What? Well, of course I didn't want to run that stupid race when I didn't get paired with Katsura- _san_. So, I faked an injury so I could get out of it. Now, Nonohara! Beat up that stupid dumbass teacher and make him squeal like a pig!"

Nonohara suddenly withdrew his sword from Kain and exchanged it for a _shinai_. "Um, would you hold off for a moment?"

"Huh?"

"Eh?" Kôtarô said as Kaede suddenly walked over to him. Then the abuse commenced.

"I've been trying to teach you how to remain a gentleman at all times, so don't you dare cheer me on with such common vulgarities! Where did you learn such filthy words!? Tell me! And furthermore, how could you think of acting so pathetically as to skip out on your athletic activities!? That is no proper behavior for a young gentleman!"

A short time later, Kaede left off his work, leaving the quivering, stunned Kôtarô on the ground, and turned back to his opponent. "Now then, Kain Lockeheart- _sensei_ , I've finished disciplining _Obocchama_ , so let's continue with our…." He paused. There was no one around.

8-8-8

"We should be in first place now," Kain remarked. "What a lucky turn of events!"

"I suppose so. Let's finish this already…."

"Hold it right there, Kain- _sensei_!"

Kain stopped and blinked in surprise. "H-Hinagiku- _san_!?"

There she was, standing in front of him, a _shinai_ in her own hand. "I can't let you go any further!" she began.

Miki sat against a rock next to her, panting heavily. She looked up pathetically, tears almost in her eyes. "Hina…I…can't…run…water…."

"Oh, here's a drink," Hina said tenderly, handing the life-saving liquid over. She then resumed her defiant pose, although she flushed a little bit from embarrassment due to the interruption to her dramatic moment. "Anyway, I can't let you past this point!" she continued as Miki sighed with relief.

 _('I wonder if she chose the right partner…')_ Kain thought.

"By the way, Kain- _sensei_ …have you been running the whole marathon carrying Alyssa- _chan_ like that?" Hinagiku asked suddenly, regaining a measure of her composure.

"Mostly," Kain replied mildly. "Why?"

"But…forgive me if it seems I'm lecturing my teacher, but if Kain- _sensei_ carries her all the way, what reason is there for Alyssa to even be in this race?"

"Because the principal required it," Kain answered, once again nonchalantly.

"But isn't the point of this to show your skills as a teacher? To show that you can teach the joys of exercise to even your most troublesome students?"

Kain considered this for a moment. "You know, I understand what you're getting at, Hinagiku- _san_ , but this situation is completely different, actually. There's no point in trying to do more than a little for Alyssa…."

"What?"

"This stupid contest is no benefit to me, regardless of what is 'good and proper'," Alyssa added. "Trust me, there's no point to any of this. So we just have to win because that's what the principal wants. _I_ won't benefit at all from it. Why should I try?"

"Even so," Hinagiku murmured, "beyond all the suffering and hardship…and feeling like you're about to die…you might find true happiness which can't be replaced by anything else…."

"Right," Alyssa muttered. "Trust me, your words are wasted. We're just going to take first place, thank you very much."

"Well," Hinagiku sighed, "I must admit, I do like that attitude…demanding to take first place."

Kain sighed. "Well, as she said, more words are wasted." He set Alyssa down. "We're close to the finish, Alyssa. With the training I've given you, you can make it to the end from here. I'll stay behind and hold back Hinagiku- _san_."

"I see," Hinagiku said, readying her _shinai_ as Alyssa hurried away. "But can little Alyssa- _chan_ really make it to the goal on her own?"

"As you said…she should be able to accomplish some things on her own. I do have some hopes for her…I just wish I had more forgiving methods to pursue them." Kain manifested a _shinai_ of his own so he could battle Hinagiku on equal grounds. "She'll make it from here."

"I see…then I have no time to waste! I'll have to finish you off quickly, Kain- _sensei_!"

As she charged, Kain simply fell back and retreated constantly. "That's fine. Just come at me all you want. But…."

Kain stopped suddenly and gestured around them. "We're now on a rope bridge."

Hinagiku, caught up in battle lust, had been unaware of her surroundings. Now, her attention called to it, she realized it was true. It was a long, narrow, rickety, swaying rope-and-board bridge, over a deep, _deep_ chasm. As she nervously shifted, a rock fell from the bridge and plummeted into the darkness below.

Kain reached out and grasped the rope rail. "Maybe I should swing it a little?" he murmured.

Hinagiku panicked, falling to a seated position. "Kyaa! Y-you fool, don't move! Fool! Pervert! Bully!" she accused.

"I'm sorry, Hinagiku- _san_ , but even if it's you, I can't really fight a girl seriously. And yet I have to win this race…so in order to accomplish this, I must learn to become an ogre or even a devil." He swayed the bridge again.

"Jeez! You fool!"

8-8-8

A short time later, Kain had finally brought the angry and defeated Hinagiku back to solid ground. "Well, should we get going? Even if she's a little girl, Alyssa should be near the finish line by now. I'd like to catch the moment on a monitor somewhere." He sighed as Hinagiku continued to shoot him a glare powerful enough to curdle paint. "And if I stay here any longer, I may end up dead…."

"Hmph! Kain- _sensei_ , you stupid, stupid idiot!"

"Ow! That hurts! C'mon, you don't have to throw stones at me!"

After she had finally calmed down (a little, enough to stop throwing) he continued, "Well, Hinagiku- _san_ , I'm going on ahead…." He hurried off.

"Argh! Kain- _sensei_ , you idiot!" She managed to get to her feet. "A-anyway, I'm not going to give up yet…Miki!"

"It's impossible, Hina," the other girl said calmly. "To catch up to them, you'd have to cross this rope bridge."

"Urgh…." Hinagiku stared at it. "I…I can cross it! It's just a rope bridge!" She approached it. "Just a…rope bridge…."

Trembling, she glanced back at Miki in despair. Miki considered her for a second, then removed the flower from her chest. "This rose…."

"Eh?"

"Aren't we disqualified if it gets damaged?"

"Yes, that's right…." Miki crushed it in her hand. Hinagiku stared in shock. "Ah! What are you doing, Miki!?"

"Tired of running, I withdrew from the race and forced you to withdraw with me…even though Hina was so close to winning the race," she said simply. "Well, that's the story, so why don't we go to a nearby monitor and see the face of the lucky participant who won?"

8-8-8

"Finally, the first runner is nearing the finish line! It's unbelievable, but the first runner is Alyssa Searrs! There's only 500 meters left to the finish line!"

 _('Ah…stupid mortal body…it's funny, though…it was so hard to breathe earlier, but little by little, it's getting easier…it's true, I've never put so much effort into mortality…my legs are even lighter than before. So, Hinagiku, this is the mortal's 'true happiness' found at the end of all suffering and hardship? Well…I guess it's not too bad….')_

"Only five more meters to the finish line!"

Right in front of Alyssa, two baseball cap-equipped officials held the first place line. They smiled at the little girl….

"First place!" Yukiji screamed in triumph as she broke it.

As Yukiji continued to whoop and cheer, the crowd and workers, Alyssa, everyone just stared in sullen, disbelieving shock.

Yes, somehow, out of nowhere, Yukiji had clawed her way up from the bottom of the cliff (and neither her flower nor Kyonosuke's had been damaged, somehow), made her way back on course, and arrived just in time to snatch victory from Alyssa's jaws. Somehow, it had to happen. And thus, Kain- _sensei_ 's termination became definite.

"Sorry," Alyssa said without much regret after they met up again. "But don't worry. I'm sure there's a me who won in some parallel world."

To be continued….

F I N

 _Author's Note: The Athletic Festival_

 _This massive story, Part 1 of 2, is a combination of the Athletic Festival from Fortune Arterial and the 'marathon' of Hayate the Combat Butler. I wanted to do something with them, but, at the time they appeared in the story, I wasn't really sure how to bring them in, particularly this crazy race, so I ended up skipping it. Now I happily bring it back, having invented a wonderful adaptation for my story._

 _Day 1 is based on the Fortune Arterial version, the first activity Kohei Hasekura is put in charge of after Iori 'bullies' him into joining the student council. Iori is still responsible for the three-legged race obstacle course (with cosplay finale), mostly as described. Kohei is supposed to run it with Haruna, but she injures herself and the side character I haven't bothered with, Kiriha Kuze, is roped into being his partner. She and Kohei end up beating Erika since she only has to change into a maid outfit (not the one I had poor Kazumi in, more on that below). Erika still gets the 'booby prize' of the duck suit. And Hinagiku still had to win, only suffering defeat here at the ultimate marathon._

 _Kain's 'horse-lengths' announcement (including why he had to take over) is also stolen directly from FA, and it greatly angers Erika, as shown…and it would anger Hinagiku as well. I have no idea why he used a 'horse-length' description—the anime never gives a reason why—so I came up with a semi-sensible one for Kain. Yes, horse races would be about the only races he'd be familiar with…._

 _Oh, and the maid uniform Kazumi was subjected to. I don't know why (actually, yes I do, I'll get to that), but I felt impressed to give her something beyond a normal maid uniform, so I borrowed the provocative maid outfit from He Is My Master. This is an interesting alternate to the Hayate story that was an amusing distraction in both anime and manga formats, but which is hard to follow for any length of time. It involves a pair of sisters who run away from home because their parents won't let them raise their pet alligator (what…?). They end up on the property of a mansion. The mansion belongs to a fourteen-year-old boy (the girls are fourteen and thirteen) whose parents recently died, leaving him with all their assets. He's looking for live-in housekeepers to help take care of the place, and ends up hiring them and taking them in, but due to misfortune (largely arising from the stupid alligator) end up breaking things so they have a debt to him as large as Hayate's. They have to work for him as maids in these provocative little uniforms, which the younger sister loves but the older sister hates. The story is_ ecchi _—fan service oriented—but actually not overly so, more than Hayate but not nearly as bad as Negima actually is. However, there are three things that prevent me from liking this as much as I could. Firstly, the kid is a pervert. Skilled—he makes the uniforms himself—but, obviously more of a 'usual' young man than wonderful guys like Hayate. He doesn't go_ too _far, but he enjoys dressing the girls up in his creations (and younger sister, amusingly—one of the more amusing things about it—actually takes his side on these matters). Secondly, the alligator…it's ridiculous. It doesn't talk like Tama, but it is rather intelligent, very troublesome, and perverted in its own right, constantly attacking and trying to strip the poor older sister. Thirdly, and by far the worst, he gets a third live-in maid, a class member of theirs who is in love with the kid and wants to be one of his live-in maids. Older sister, however, wants to protect the girl from this boy since he's really a pervert, and so tries to prevent her from becoming a maid. It turns out this girl is bi-, and she is so impressed by the older sister's efforts to keep them apart that she thinks that she must be in love with her herself, and becomes the maid anyway and from that moment on passionately attempts to hook up with older sister…basically doing things that would get the poor kid jailed if he tried them. I can stand—only stand, not like—minor lesbian elements, like Miki's crush on Hinagiku. You can wave it away, ignore it. She's sensible. But girls who cannot take a hint at all and try to force themselves on poor girls who should be having proper romances…how come it's inappropriate if they're opposite genders but suddenly becomes high titillating good humor if it's girls doing it to other girls? I hate it, and she's the main reason I couldn't go on with it. Like some stories that fall short, it has potential—there are hints of a real relationship blooming between older sister and the perv, and that's the best attraction of the piece, but there's not enough of the romance to overcome the ludicrousness of the three aforementioned black marks._

 _…So, why did I just waste so much time talking about something that really isn't related? I dunno, I guess the story's skeleton is…impressive to me, attractive to me, as are the characters. The older sister, Izumi, is cute, diligent, hardworking…a lot like Mai in a lot of ways, and I love Mai. The younger sister, Mitsuki, is an amusing contrast, cute in opposite ways, strangely accepting of the kid's (Yoshitaka Nakabayashi) fetishes, and constantly inventing contests that create the tension. As for the kid…I could take or leave him. In any case, I like the skeleton of the story so much I'd like to write a variant of it sometime, with a real (more Hayate-like) reason for being on their own, a decent kid master (with a rather mischievous older sister/mother figure chief maid to create interesting situations) and, most importantly, no stupid crazy lesbian stalker. The sudden inspiration to use the sexy maid outfit made me think about this series again (it's been years since I checked it out and ditched it) and all those memories came back, and I wanted to get them out. And this was the best (read: only) place to do it. Heh._

 _In any case, I don't know why I really decided to subject poor Kazumi to this outfit in the first place. Probably the reason is this: I (and Kain, by default) do not have a maid fetish; things like glasses fetishes, maid fetishes, and nun fetishes, common ones for the Japanese (at least as shown in so many anime, games and manga) I really don't understand. Kain would simply think 'whatever' about Kazumi in a normal maid outfit, but that doesn't make the scene interesting, so I had to spice it up for him. The outfits they are forced to wear in He Is My Master are…provocative, to be sure, and they…have an effect on me. Anyhoo, that's my sorry excuse. And that's enough about the pointless thing._

 _But the meat of this story is the Hayate arc involving the school's Marathon, which for some reason takes place at the beginning of February originally. The original plot is that Klaus, who still wants to fire Hayate, tricks Nagi into an impossible task of coming first in one of the races in order to prove what a good, guiding butler Hayate is. If she can't do it, he'll be fired. Of course, Hinagiku is still the impossible obstacle, but the 'Traditional Event' Freestyle Marathon gives her a chance, although it ruins the whole point of trying to teach her to run, which Hinagiku remarks upon. The foes in his way, Kaede and Himuro, are people he's met before, but it's the first real time we've seen them here (and, of course, that Kain has seen them). They may be used later in minor stories._

 _And now here we are. How is Kain going to get out of this pickle…? Hopefully, with more grace and less misfortune than a certain butler-in-debt. Not that that's hard…._


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: This is a nonprofit fictional story, a FanFiction based on Ken Akamatsu's Negima. I do not own Negima, or most of the other characters included in this work, excepting where it is stated in the author's notes. It is not intended or presented for any commercial profit or personal gain; it is simply a story written for personal fulfillment and presented for public enjoyment, and as an honest homage to the fine story conceived and written by Ken Akamatsu, as well as all the other (innumerable) works that find place herein (and their authors).

Side Story Seven: Kain's Second Challenge, Part 2: The Alexian Marco Church Dungeon

 _[This side story takes place immediately following the previous one.]_

8-8-8

The next day Kain and Alyssa sat once again before the principal; the school had the day off after the rigors of the athletic festival, but Kain, of course, had this problem….

"So, Kain- _kun_ …it seems you didn't start packing immediately this time…."

"No." Kain shook his head. "This time, I'm going to see what you come up with and get your official word to be sent home…."

"Word that better not come," Alyssa snarled. "Considering everything, we did far better than could be expected…."

"Yes…yes, that's certainly true. In all honesty, I didn't expect you to win, but I had to give you a reason to try your hardest. I was quite surprised when Alyssa came so close to the goal, and you would have won, if not for Katsura- _sensei_ 's power of stupidity. Luckily, I did have a back-up quest for you to undertake. There's a matter in town that you would be suitable to handle."

He showed Kain a map of the city around Mahora. "This church here…the Alexian Marco Church. It has had some connections with the magic realm off and on. The most recent priest in charge of it was a troublemaker, and had a great dungeon constructed underneath the church so he could live out his videogame dreams or something. Now it's a potential hazard, so we'd like you to deal with it. Go to the church and see the sister in charge, Sister Fortesia, and follow her instructions."

"And what about me?" Alyssa demanded.

Kensuke smiled at her. "You've done more than enough for now, Alyssa- _chan_ ; thank you for your cooperation. If you wish to accompany Kain- _sensei_ …."

She sniffed. "You know that's impossible—I can't leave the school grounds, unless you want to do your ritual again, the one that nearly killed you the short time I was in Kyoto. In any case, this nonsense is over for me, so I'll gladly take my leave…but before I go, old man, I promise you, I'll get revenge for this later." She rose and sauntered out.

Kain sighed. "I guess she's still got a ways to go…."

"Yes, of course. In any case, Kain- _sensei_ , you should get going. If you get this completed before today is over, you can be back teaching your class again tomorrow."

"R-right…."

8-8-8

Sister Fortesia, who opened the door for Kain when he arrived at the large, rather normal-looking church, was surprisingly young, perhaps in her early twenties, and was also surprisingly beautiful…it was amazing how good a woman could look in a severe black dress. She did not wear a habit, which allowed her short grey-purple hair to be seen. Kain found the lack odd, but as he was not Catholic he did not know what circumstances would prevent its wearing and so did not deign to comment. She also wore large round glasses, and had a cross on a necklace.

"So, you're the young mage I've been expecting," she explained as she led him inside. "I'm Sister Fortesia. So, you're the young man who has to undertake the Dungeon Quest?"

"Er…Dungeon Quest? But the principal said…."

She giggled slightly, but modestly. "Of course your principal would want it to sound more important. But to be honest, the purpose of this church is train _useless_ and _incompetent_ mages in the proper path so that they can return to useful lives. That's why we have the dungeon. You have to raise a party, go into the dungeon, find the treasure at the end, known for some bizarre reason as the 'Butler Medal', and then come back out again."

"Ah, I see…." This was odd, but the principal did instruct him to obey whatever the sister instructed him. "What do you mean, 'raise a party', then?"

"All quests have to have a party. You should get a few followers to accompany you. However, since part of your training involves being a magical teacher of non-magical students, we need to focus on your skills at accomplishing great deeds while keeping your magic concealed."

Kain considered this. It had been a problem he'd had to deal with since his arrival. "I can understand that," he admitted.

"Therefore, you should get three party members, none of whom should know about the magical world."

Kain considered this. "That's…going to make this dungeon crawl a little difficult…."

"Yes…that's why it's a challenge, Mr. Lockeheart. For starters, why don't you take…oh, that girl you ran the three-legged race with the other day?"

Kain froze. "Yoshida…Kazumi- _san_ …? You saw that…?"

"Yes, I was in the area. The Mahora festivals—all of them—are famous, and the people of the community often go to the academy to watch or participate."

"I…see…Yoshida- _san_ …? Well…."

"As for the others, that's your discretion. Well, off with you now! Go gather your party, and then return!"

She ushered Kain out. He glanced back behind him, sighed, and then shook his head. What kind of trouble was he getting himself into now?

8-8-8

Yukiji stared with poor grace at the tray in front of her, which held three bills and two coins (in Japan, cash prizes were often transferred in such a manner).

"Hina…" Yukiji began. "What's this?"

"What's that?" Hinagiku replied calmly, looking over papers as she sat at her office desk. "That's the five million yen cash prize from the marathon race yesterday.

"Okay, I understand that the five million yen was the cash prize just for the marathon winner, and the 150 million was divided between the other high finishers and over all the events for the athletic festival and the rest of the 'marathons'. Let's say that's okay, but…why is my take home amount only 12,020 yen!?"

"That's because I deducted the amount you owe the principal, Meia- _sensei_ , your foster father and everyone else. Understand now?" Hinagiku turned from her papers to glare at her older sister.

Yukiji was almost in tears. "You…you shouldn't have done that without asking me! You're cruel, Hina!"

"I am not cruel!" Hinagiku huffed. "I didn't even deduct the 30,000 yen you owe me! Be grateful you have _something_ left!" She picked up a paper and tossed it towards her sister. "Here, this is the breakdown! Now, go home! We're done here!"

Yukiji sniffled. "You…demon! I'm your big sister!"

"I'm not a demon! If you continue to act so selfishly, I'll deduct my 30,000 yen and turn your cash prize into a negative!"

"Humph! Hina, you…you…flat-chested fool!"

"I don't have a flat chest!" Hina snapped. "Stop acting like a little kid and go home!"

Sulkily, Yukiji left. _('Tch…Hina is so mean…and here I thought I could have some expensive drinks….')_ She sighed. _('Looks like the only way I'll get a good drink is to become a member of some_ sentai _team and go on an adventure….')_

8-8-8

Kazumi, Matake, Ami, Yue and Nodoka were in the library, cleaning books up and checking over all the logs. They were, of course, accompanied by other library club members and library monitors of the middle school classes. Kain poked his head inside cautiously and looked around. Fortunately for him, Kazumi was working near the door. She seemed to sense him, because she stopped suddenly and glanced over that way. Her eyes widened slightly when she spotted him. Using that Japanese hand signal for beckoning someone over that, as an American, he found so odd—palm down—he called her over.

Kazumi hesitated and then followed him out the door. "I-is something the matter, Kain- _sensei_?"

"Actually…I could use your help, Yoshida- _san_ …."

He explained the situation to Kazumi…as much as he dared.

She stared at him rather in shock. "S-so…the principal is requiring you to…conquer this 'dungeon'? And…you need me to help out…?"

"That's right. The sister in charge of my…examination, for want of a better word, requested you specifically for some reason. So, you are my first 'companion'…."

Party Member #1

Name: Kazumi Yoshida

Class: 3-A

HP: 5

MP: 0

Strength: 6

Intelligence: 100

Vitality: 2

Speed: 12

Cooking Skill: 255

"S-sorry I'm not a very good companion…" Kazumi apologized.

"No! It's fine! There's no problem! Pay no attention to that!" He sighed. "In any case, ah...I need a few more 'companions' for this adventure as well…."

"I-I see…in that case, maybe you need some more reliable companions…maybe a teacher?"

"W-well…there are certain restrictions on who I can take, but it should be someone strong…I'm not sure, but…there are some teachers I'd definitely rather not take…."

"Ah…like Katsura- _sensei_?"

Kain laughed. "Yes. Definitely not someone like Katsura- _sensei_. She's the kind of person who'd walk into every trap…."

"Wait a minute! I don't like what I'm hearing here, but, if you're going on an adventure, don't you need a beautiful elf!?"

Kain stared up at Yukiji, who had jumped up to posture on top of a bench, her arms folded, her coat tied about her neck to make a sorry cloak. "So, for that reason," she continued, "I, Yukiji—aka 'Deedlit'—will accompany you!"

"B-beautiful…?" Kain began.

"Don't question that part!" she snapped.

"F-fine then…Deedlit?"

"That's right! Deedlit! Because I'm beautiful! And I'm an elf! Now, let's embark on an adventurous journey of dreams and romance!"

Party Member #2

Name: Yukiji Katsura

Class: World History Teacher

HP: 5000

MP: 0

Strength: 190

Intelligence: 2

Vitality: 200

Speed: 150

Drunkenness: 9999

"I-I think she really wants to come along…" Kazumi offered.

"She seems more like a dwarf than an elf with _that_ stat sheet," Kain muttered. _('Now what? I'm not likely to dissuade her from following us on this dungeon crawl…. It could be dangerous, and while Katsura-_ sensei _should be strong enough to survive, her reckless nature might attract more trouble. No, I'm sure this wouldn't be too dangerous, if I have to bring someone like Kazumi on this escapade, but still…I need at least one person I can really rely on. I can think of one…and she'd help control Katsura-_ sensei _, too…so even if she can't accompany us, she might refer me to someone else strong and reliable….')_

8-8-8

"Oh?" Hinagiku smiled pleasantly at Kain. "You're here, are you? Is something the matter?"

"Yes…." Kain scratched his head. "I need some advice from you, Hinagiku- _san_ …."

"Oh, some advice?" Hinagiku turned to Kain and leaned forward, putting her elbows on the desk and putting her chin on her steepled hands. "Well, why don't you give me the details, Mr. Lockeheart?"

 _('…Huh? Mr. Lockeheart…? What's up with that?')_

"What's the matter, Mr. Lockeheart? I'm simply one of your students, but you seek advice from me? Is it something I might help you with?"

 _('Well, never mind that….')_ "Yes, actually I'm in a really difficult situation…today I'm supposed to enter a 'dungeon' underneath the Alexian Marco Church in order to make up for failing the earlier conditions of…."

"Oh?" Hinagiku suddenly interrupted sweetly. "But do you think that someone like me, who can't even cross a rope bridge, can possibly be of any help?"

Kain stared at her for several seconds, his mind replaying the flashback of yesterday's events slowly. _('Huh? C-could it be…?')_ "Um, Hinagiku- _san_ …."

"What is it, Mr. Lockeheart?"

"Hinagiku- _san_ …by any chance, are you still angry about that incident during the Freestyle Marathon?"

" _Angry_?" Hinagiku said, every sweet and innocent word falling like a lead coffin. "Why would I be… _angry_?"

 _('Uh oh…this is a fix…I have the survivability here of a newbie in a raid dungeon….')_

"I didn't realize until then that Mr. Lockeheart was such a _sadist_ , though," Hinagiku continued sweetly while Kain sought for a reply.

"Haha…no…Hinagiku- _san_ …I'm not a sadist, honest…."

Hinagiku, however, continued her revenge mode. "Is it that much fun to pick on girls?"

"No…you see, I was just doing it for Alyssa's sake, so that…."

"Oh! So that means you did it because you're actually a lollicon?"

The killing blow was too much for Kain. _('I'm not in a position to ask her for any help at all….')_ As Hinagiku continued smiling at him with that venomous sweetness, he sputtered, then suddenly spun on his heel and fled the room, his cloak flapping pathetically behind him. "Sorry! I'll come back later!"

He hurried out the door and slammed it behind him. Hinagiku stared after him, then scowled. "Hmph…what's with him?" She folded her arms on the desk and lay her head on them as she continued staring at the closed portal. "Coward…so…a dungeon, huh?"

8-8-8

Kain sighed. _('Hinagiku would have been perfect…she's strong, reliable, could have controlled her sister somewhat, and she knows nothing about magic…well, she might have been a bit of a cheat for a dungeon designed for non-mages, or whatever this is. Hmm…I can't go with just those two…I need….')_

"Is something the matter, Kain- _sensei_?"

Kain started and looked up. "Huh?"

Risa Harada stood before him, considering him carefully. "You look like you're really troubled, Kain- _sensei_. Is something the matter?"

"Ah, well…I'm in a bit of a pickle…can you think of someone reliable (and athletic, probably) that can help me with a little situation? And don't ask about Hinagiku- _san_ , Erika- _san_ , Mai, Momo, or anyone like that…."

"Ah…well…." Risa took a surprisingly short time to think. "I hate to admit it, but if you're asking about competent and reliable people…."

Party Member #3

Name: Riku Harada

Class: Lacrosse Club Member

HP: 1500

MP: 0

Strength: 100

Intelligence: 85

Vitality: 120

Speed: 100

Lacrosse Skill: 255

Kain had to admit, Riku Harada was a reasonably 'competent and reliable' person, especially compared to most of his class. She was intelligent and athletic, and even if girls' lacrosse wasn't really a 'combat sport', she should be more than capable of holding her own in a dungeon like this. When Kain approached her, she was reluctant to get involved in something that sounded so sketchy, but, considering it was a request from her teacher, once she understood the situation she finally consented to help out with the problem….

8-8-8

Meanwhile, near the church, inside a great estate that Kain had not yet visited.

"Evil spirits in the church?" asked the young woman in a young, gentle, serene and slow tone.

"Yes," replied the much older visitor. "They've settled into the dungeon, so we can't use the church located above it. Your principal, foreseeing that possibility, assured me he has prepared help to take care of the dungeon problem, but now that the spirits have already settled in, it will be especially dangerous…they should be exorcised before anything else can be done."

Isumi Saginomiya considered this. "Well, I'm not sure how much help I can be, but allow me to try," she assured the old nun, completely dressed properly, including with habit.

"Oh! Thank you!"

"No…no need to thank me…Sister Fortesia."

The picture shifts back to the church, where Kain and his party followed the… _other_ Sister Fortesia down the stairs and into a chamber with huge, ornate double doors leading to the dungeon.

"I see," Kain murmured. "So the dungeon begins past this point, Sister Fortesia."

"Yes, that's right. Now, I wish you good luck…."

8-8-8

 _('So, let's review this situation. I am Kain Lockeheart, fourteen-year-old graduate of Caelar University, a mage now undergoing training to become an Archmage. For my first task, I was required to teach English to an all-girls middle school class at an Academy in Japan…an Academy ruled by mages, but not, in and of itself, for mages. So, I have to keep my secret at the same time I'm dealing with girls my age and trying to 'teach' them._

 _('For my first major requirement in that class, I had to finish up the previous year and enable my class to avoid their usual last-place finish in the final exams, an endeavor which led to several of my students and me winding up in a strange chamber, a dungeon, far underneath Library Island. Then, after several adventures completely unrelated to my teaching position, I was given the task of enabling my smallest and weakest student to win one of the many events at the athletics festival at the end of May, a task made all the more impossible by the presence of an unstoppable, bullheaded superwoman who always goes all-out to win everything she can._

 _('Despite all that, I almost succeeded…except that her completely insane sister managed to appear out of nowhere and steal the victory from Alyssa. So, now, to avoid being dismissed, I have to make up for this failure by solving another dungeon problem, this time underneath the nearby Alexian Marco Church. However, I have to undertake this quest while concealing my magic, once again, and while accompanied by companions who know nothing about the magic secret._

 _So, deep within this dungeon lies the treasure called the 'Butler Medal', and I have to retrieve it. So, let's introduce the three heroes who will accompany me on this great quest:_

Hero #1: Yukiji Katsura

Occupation: World History Teacher

Trait: Hopeless Case

Special Ability: Always in Berserker Mode

Hero #2: Riku Harada

Occupation: Lacrosse Player

Trait: _Tsundere_

Special Ability: Defeats her sister without effort

Hero #3: Kazumi Yoshida

Occupation: Library Monitor

Trait: Cripplingly Shy

Special Ability: Master housewife

 _('…Not, perhaps, the most ideal party for this…however! They are the heroes selected for this adventure! Their disadvantages are outweighed by….')_

"Ah! I found some treasure!" Yukiji cackled, charging off after it.

 _('Outweighed by….')_

"T-this dungeon…is a little dark…is this safe?" Kazumi quavered, keeping an uncomfortable distance from Kain in between 'clingy' and 'avoiding' (obviously too shy to cling to him, but so out of sorts in this environment she wanted all the more to cling).

 _('Outweighed by….')_

"This is stupid. Can we get this over with and go home?" Riku growled, stalking out in front.

 _('Outweighed by….')_

"Gah!" cried Yukiji from somewhere out of sight in the darkness. "It's a booby trap! Uwaa! It's a pit!"

"Katsura- _Sensei_ fell off the cliff again. Well, it's her, I'm sure she's okay," Riku muttered.

"T-there aren't any ghosts here, are there?" Kazumi asked, trying to put on a brave face.

 _('Outweighed by being the only heroes I could round up….')_

And by the way….

Hero #4: Kain Lockeheart

Occupation: English Teacher/Mage

Trait: Genius Gentleman

Special Ability: Weirdness magnet

8-8-8

Meanwhile, directly above the dungeon being explored by the party of unfortunate heroes….

 _('So this is the Alexian Marco Church,')_ Hinagiku thought as she approached the building. It was rather small, and in decent enough repair, but part of it appeared patchwork, as if funds had been skimped on maintaining but effort and care had been made in place of the money.

 _('He looked really troubled, so I came just in case, but…where's the dungeon?')_ Hinagiku asked rhetorically. _('Seriously, that Kain-_ sensei _! If he needed my help, he should've just told me so! Boys shouldn't be so wishy-washy! He should say things in a straightforward manner!')_ She frowned and considered the matter again. _('Well…I guess I was the one who prevented him from saying it…I might have bullied him too much….')_

"It would be best not to go in there," murmured a soft and gentle voice behind her, which, nonetheless, caused her to cry out and jump.

Hinagiku quickly composed herself and turned to the intruder. "You're…Saginomiya- _san_ , right?"

Isumi strode forward towards the church. "Even if you are the Student Body President," she replied, "it's wise not to step into a place you know is dangerous."

Hinagiku stared at the girl, considering. "…Are you saying it's dangerous in there?"

"Yes, very. That's why you shouldn't go inside…."

"All right, I'm coming with you."

Isumi paused. She was intelligent, of course, but although her mind was 'strong', it worked somewhat slowly, especially when dealing with conversations or situations that were unexpected. In her mind, someone wanting to go _into_ a dangerous place was _very_ unexpected. "B-but…why?" she finally managed, going into panic mode and waving her arms around frantically.

"Because you said it was dangerous. If so, then I should do my best to help, and my pride won't allow me to back away from it just because it's dangerous."

Isumi tried to do some mental acrobatics in order to find an escape clause. "What…what if I tell you that it really isn't that dangerous?"

"Is that so?" Hinagiku answered sweetly. "Then, there's no need to worry about me."

Isumi once again tried to come up with a solution, but finally decided it was pointless. "The Student Body President is contrarian, just like a child…"

"What!? How am I like a child!? What do you mean by that!?"

8-8-8

 _('Maybe I should have come alone…no, Sister Fortesia insisted I get companions…we've already lost our first hero, who was blinded by her lust for treasure…Riku is okay, and she is reliable and capable…but Kazumi….')_

With opportune timing, Kazumi stumbled. Kain deftly caught and steadied her. "Are you all right, Yoshida- _san_?"

"Eh…y-yes…thank you…" she muttered in a very small voice.

"It is dark in here, and difficult to navigate," Kain said. "Perhaps I should keep a hold of your hand, so we don't end up getting lost and separated."

"Eh!? B-but…."

"It's all right. We know this isn't your forte, so we need to take care of you. Right, Riku- _san_?"

Riku glanced back at Kain. He raised his other hand and smiled apologetically. She sighed. "You're right, Kain- _sensei_. We don't want to end up like Katsura- _sensei_ and get lost in here." She moved over and took Kazumi's other hand. "And we need to do our best to take care of each other, right? Let's get this over with."

Kain smiled gratefully at her, but she just turned and started away, and the three of them continued down the passage. _('That lady-killer')_ Riku thought. ( _'Well, Kain-_ sensei _is trustworthy enough…I'm not sure if it's better or worse that he's completely unaware of it. Still…this is way too suspicious…why is there a dungeon under this church anyway? And why did he have to bring us down here…?_

 _('Well, at least we really won't run into any ghosts, or anything…they're not real, after all….')_

Then, in front of their eyes, an apparition appeared. It was…well, imagine a wagon wheel, with a head somehow poked through the axle hole, a leg protruding from an upper spoke hole, an arm protruding from a _lower_ spoke hole, and two other limbs wrapping around the side of the wheel. Furthermore, it was in various states of anatomical progression along its flesh, some parts of it showing fine, naked skin, others showing no skin with the muscles and tendons visible, and some down to the bare bone.

"Well," Kain said carefully. "I think now…we run?"

Still holding hands, the three pelted away, Kain and Riku doing a remarkable job of dragging Kazumi along at a fair pace without actually carrying her along like a flag.

"W-what was that!?" Riku demanded. "Was that really a ghost!?"

"I have a friend who keeps going on about metal slimes," Kain offered. "That looks like something that's strayed from humanity…."

"Don't you mean strayed from the entire mortal realm!?"

"U-um…you guys…" Kazumi sputtered, "…aren't there supposed to be traps or…?"

Kain and Riku suddenly began to slow down. "Why didn't you remind us earlier?" Riku scolded her, still a little addled from fear.

Kazumi stumbled forward before Kain and Riku could catch her, and there was a hollow sound as a stone sunk under her foot. "Eh…?"

"Watch out!" Kain dived on top of Kazumi and managed to throw Riku aside. At the same time, a flying missile slashed across his shoulder.

"Kain- _sensei_!" the two girls cried in unison.

'Sister Fortesia' lurked in darkness behind them. She listened with relish to the sounds emanating from within.

 _('Heh hehe…as expected, I can hear their screams throughout…this is such a brilliant scheme, separating him from his competent companions, ensuring that the girl will suffer with him, putting him in a position where he can't use his magic.')_

She smiled and turned away. _('This dungeon is a maze of death built as a hobby by the priest of this church. With the boy bound by his rules and honor, there are more than enough traps to take care of him…and the others as well….')_

She paused suddenly and glanced back behind her. _('Still…I wonder why they're screaming so loudly….')_

And then the apparition appeared in front of her eyes.

Semi-drôle silent pause.

Scream.

Camera cut.

8-8-8

"Kain- _sensei_ , are you all right!?"

"Yes…but we need to be careful…I think this is coated with poison…my senses are already going fuzzy…Yoshida- _san_ , Riku- _san_."

Kain was addressing himself to a strange tanuki statue standing by the wall. Kazumi and Riku shared a concerned look.

"P-poison?" Kazumi stuttered. "Yukari- _chan_ always said something like a Panacea Bottle could cure anything…."

"Even if this is a dungeon, it isn't a video game," Riku snapped. "We…we have to calm down. It'll be okay."

"That's right…you have to remain calm," said a new voice.

The girls turned to see a rather attractive young man in a priest's suit, with straight medium-length hair and a scar on his forehead. "And you are?" Riku demanded.

"I'm the priest of this church. Linn Regiostar," the man introduced himself.

"Linn Regiostar?" Kazumi repeated with difficulty.

"If you find my name is difficult, you may call me Lord British of Akiba," the man said munificently.

 _('Certainly not!')_ Riku thought.

"That poison is weak," Linn continued, "but you shouldn't let him move around. His hit points will decrease by one for every step he takes."

"What, is this _really_ supposed to be a video game?" Riku demanded sourly.

"He can be cured by the Panacea Bottle, located in the deepest part of the dungeon," continued Linn unabashed.

"I-it really exists?" Kazumi asked, amazed.

"I would hate to see a boy die from the poison I planted in this dungeon," the priest said, "so you'd better hurry and get it."

Riku slammed the priest over the head with her fist, knocking him to the ground. "Yeah, we'll do that," she said scathingly. "But you take responsibility for Kain- _sensei_! If anything happens to him, it won't go well for you…."

"I-I see…" he muttered.

"T-that's right!" Kazumi agreed bravely. "We'll handle it, so…."

"B-but Riku- _san_ , Yoshida- _san_ …you can't…" Kain protested weakly.

He was addressing himself to the _tanuki_ statue again. "Sorry, Kain- _sensei_ , but you're definitely in no condition to do anything right now," Riku said. "We'll handle it. You stay here with the priest!

"Let's go, Kazumi- _chan_!" she continued as she started away, and Kazumi hurried after her.

"W-wait…" Kain protested weakly. He winced. "Erg…p-pain…."

"Don't push yourself," the priest advised him. "That poison is actually quite deadly. It got me once, too. It was pretty rough, especially since there wasn't anyone around to help me."

Kain managed to look up at the priest in surprise. His vision was improving, although he wasn't sure if that was a good or bad sign. "Wait…but…without anyone to help you…how did you get the antidote?"

"Oh, well, you see…." He pointed to a skeleton in half-rotted priest clothes lying against a nearby wall. "I actually died."

"WHAT!?"

"And ever since then, evil spirits have been drawn to appear in this dungeon…and the church," Linn informed him.

"Hold on!" Kain insisted. "Aren't _you_ the evil spirit here!?"

"Oh, no. The evil spirits…." He pointed again. "Look like _that_." And, indeed, a general collection of traditional multi-formed demons began to appear around the pair. "To be honest, this doesn't look good," the priest continued as the spirits gathered around, howling and laughing. "Do you think you can escape?"

"Ergh…maybe if I wasn't _poisoned_ …." He sighed. "More importantly…these evil spirits might go after my students…!"

"Oh, no, all the evil spirits are here…they're apparently more interested in you. However…at the innermost part of the dungeon, I put an A*BO, a three-meter-tall killer dog golem."

" _Why didn't you say so earlier!?"_

As the demons zeroed in on Kain, Kazumi and Riku were running away from the giant dog golem. And, with excellent timing, the heavily-panting Kazumi tripped and fell to the ground with a cry.

"Kazumi- _chan_!"

As Riku moved to try and aid her classmate, the robot leapt to attack, only to be intercepted by a red, white, and pink flash. A blow from some long object broke the robot to pieces.

A small figure suddenly appeared in front of Kain, and she swept her hand, clutching prayer strips, around in front of her; a globe of magical energy encircled them, and blew away the ghosts around him.

"Y-you're…" Kain murmured.

"Just passing-by…" Isumi began.

"Heroines of justice," Hinagiku finished in the separate scene, brandishing her wooden sword.

8-8-8

An explanatory flashback….

"Take this," Isumi said, handing Hinagiku a wooden sword. It was an exquisite weapon, not just a slightly-shaped piece of wood, but carefully formed in the shape of a sword (but without a guard—nevertheless, the 'blade' was clearly distinguishable from the handle) with the hilt wrapped in cloth. It also glowed with magical energy…although she didn't understand what it actually was, Hinagiku sensed the energy within it.

"What's this?" Hinagiku asked, examining the weapon after taking it.

"If you're going inside, you'll need to be properly equipped," Isumi explained. "I'll let you borrow that for a while."

"I see."

"But, truly…this is the finest sword ever made by that genius, the master swordsmith, Masamune. It is the wooden sword, Masamune."

Hinagiku stared at the other girl, but she looked totally serious. "I…wonder if that master craftsman had some issues…."

"I have one more favor to ask of you," Isumi continued. Hinagiku, who had already turned to charge into the chapel, turned back to glance quizzically at the younger girl. "Please don't discuss what you're about to see inside with anyone…particularly the principal."

"Huh?"

8-8-8

Riku and Kazumi watched in awe as Hinagiku easily dispatched the robot colossus. Hinagiku let out a breath of relief and satisfaction, then turned a slight smile to the two girls. "Are you two all right?"

"H-Hinagiku- _san_ …" Kazumi murmured in wonder.

"T-thanks," Riku offered. "But…why are you here? And what's that?"

"Hmm?"

"What's that thing you're holding?" Riku pointed to the _bokken_.

"Oh, this?" Hinagiku considered it carefully. She had been forbidden to say anything…. "A gift from an angel, perhaps?" she offered sweetly.

From off-camera, the non-present Isumi, unheard, protested, "No, no…it's not a gift, I just loaned it…and I'm not an angel or anything…."

"Anyway, what are _you_ two doing here?" Hinagiku demanded.

"O-oh…we have to hurry!" Kazumi burst out. "We have to get the antidote for Kain- _sensei_!"

8-8-8

Isumi pointed her first two fingers at Kain's forehead, and a small light burned between them. He felt a slight warmth spread over him. "There," she said in her soft, measured tone. "You should be able to move a little better now, but the poison is still there, so you shouldn't force yourself."

Kain smiled. "No, this is more than enough," he said. "Thank you, Isumi- _chan_." He reached into his cloak and pulled out a small vial. "This is a universal antidote I made," he explained. "I haven't had a chance to use it yet, but I got top marks in alchemy in the university as well. Just slowing it down lets me take care of the rest myself." He drank it and sighed happily. "Much better."

"As expected of Kain- _sensei_ ," Isumi murmured.

"But you shouldn't lower your guard, my son," the priest said. Kain looked at him in surprise. "There are still many evil spirits about."

"Including you," Kain muttered darkly.

Isumi stepped forward again. "Um…I'll get rid of the rest of the evil spirits, so…Kain- _sensei_ , you should go help Hinagiku- _sama_ and the others…."

"Eh? Hinagiku- _san_ …?" He shook his head. "Are you sure you'll be all right?"

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." She turned and started away, but paused and added over her shoulder, "I have friends who really like anime and manga. I don't understand them all that well, but I do like those kinds of transforming TV heroes."

"Huh?"

Isumi continued without pause, "When a heroine is in trouble, he appears without fail to rescue her. I like heroes like that…." She turned back to Kain and added, "Kain- _sensei_ , you're that kind of hero, to all your students, so please go to them."

"Isumi- _chan_ …." Kain smiled self-deprecatingly. "We don't know each other well, but…it's comforting to hear you say things like that. That…that kind of person is who I've always wanted to be as well."

"Yes." Isumi held out a prayer strip to the priest, who was standing next to her, and he began to fade away slightly. "And please take this man with you. I can't use most of my power because he is here," she explained.

"Oh…that's the underworld's River Styx…" the priest said as he faded.

Kain watched the strange exchange, thinking, _('Spiritual magic seems to be a difficult ability to use….')_ What he said, however, was, "I understand, Isumi- _chan_. You be careful, too." Then he turned on his heel and pelted off after his students. Linn hurried after him.

Isumi watched him go. _('The truth is, from the moment I saw him…I knew that Kain -_ sensei _was a hero…I knew that he was the successor of the heroic tales I've heard since childhood, of Kalan Lockeheart…I only wish such a one could be my hero, but it seems I am not to be his heroine. I'm not sure which of the many will be…but….')_ "Now…" she said aloud, raising another handful of prayer strips, "let's make this quick…."

8-8-8

"I see," Hinagiku said. "This 'special dungeon' training course for teachers…our school does the oddest things, and it's gotten quite serious since that marathon race…."

"Yeah," Riku agreed. "But that doesn't matter now! Kain- _sensei_ 's been poisoned! And we need to get the antidote as soon as possible! There should be a 'Panacea Bottle' around here somewhere! We need to find it! Give us a hand, Hinagiku- _san_! For our teacher!"

Before Hinagiku could reply, Kazumi's soft voice wafted over. "I-I found it!"

"What!?" The two hurried over.

Kazumi was trembling, holding the bottle in her hand. She was standing in front of a kind of altar with a plaque that said, 'Panacea Bottle'. "I-I found it, but…."

"But?"

Hinagiku and Riku examined the bottle. It, too, proclaimed its title, but it also held a warning for an expiration date…December 31st, 1999.

"M-maybe it'll be effective anyway?" Riku offered, but without much hope.

"Who knows?" Hinagiku replied. "You got me. By the way, what kind of poison was it, anyway?"

"L-let's quit," Kazumi said quietly.

"Huh?" Hinagiku said.

"We'll call off the quest and take Kain - _sensei_ to the hospital!" she insisted.

"T-that might be safest," Riku agreed, "but the sister was very clear…if we leave, we'll have failed, and Kain- _sensei_ will have to reap the consequences. He may even be thrown out of the school. This is…his choice to make, isn't it?"

"Does that matter!?" Kazumi insisted with surprising ferocity. "We're talking…about his life here, right!? I don't care if he's our teacher anymore…I don't care if he stays with us…as long as he lives! If he survives, he can always come back…there's always a chance…right?"

The other two girls stared at her, impressed. "Kazumi- _san_ …" Hinagiku murmured.

"That's a very noble sentiment…but I'm afraid Riku- _san_ is right. It's my choice to make."

The three girls started and turned in surprise as Kain- _sensei_ approached with a smile. Kazumi and Riku gaped at him. "K-Kain- _sensei_! Wait, how did you…!? I mean, what happened to the poison!?"

"Ah…the priest remembered he had a closer antidote and brought it to me," Kain lied smoothly. "No need to worry."

"Oh, I did?" said the priest in surprise, suddenly on the scene…as instructed by Isumi, he had followed Kain.

Kain turned, reached over and grabbed him by the collar. His logical brain briefly noted with surprise that he was able to grasp the spirit, although he could even faintly sense the un-life in him. " _Yes_ , you did," he hissed loudly. "And I have a mind for punishing you for sending my students off into such danger on their own, so you better shut up before you annoy me more…."

"Er…right…yes, of course," Linn muttered uncomfortably.

Kain turned back and considered Hinagiku. "So, you're really here, Hinagiku- _san_? Why are you here?"

"Huh?" Hinagiku started anew and grew embarrassed. "Well…it's because…."

Kain smiled at her beatifically. "No, it's okay. I understand."

"L-look here!" she insisted, reddening. "Don't get the wrong idea! I just happened to be passing by! There's _no reason_ I'd be concerned about you, Kain- _sensei_!"

"Is that so? Well, at least you're addressing me properly again…."

"N-no, this is…!"

"Well, well, it's good to see that you're safe," muttered a tired voice, and the young nun stepped into the light.

"Eh? Sister Fortesia?" Kain demanded. He considered her. "You…seem all beat up."

"Yes…a lot happened…" she explained with a sigh. "But the only thing left to do is to retrieve the medal inside that temple. Please go right in." She gestured to the great shrine-looking building that lay before them. "Perhaps it's better for the teacher and his select student to go inside together for this final stage, Kain Lockeheart- _sensei_ , Yoshida Kazumi- _san_."

"Eh? W-well…" Kazumi quavered.

"Go ahead, Kazumi- _chan_ ," Riku agreed. "You were the first one chosen, for whatever reason. And you made that passionate speech earlier…."

Hinagiku smiled encouragingly at the other girl, and Kain said, "Well, shall we go, Yoshida- _san_?"

The two started up the steps to the shrine triumphantly together, and the sister watched them go with a faint smile. _('Hehe…that's the final trap….')_

"Who are you?"

Everyone stopped and turned to the priest, who was staring accusingly at Sister Fortesia. "Who are you?" he repeated. "And why are you calling yourself Sister Fortesia?"

"What are you talking about…?" the sister replied sweetly.

"Drop the act," Linn insisted. "The real Sister Fortesia is over sixty years old. Not only that, she's a boy band groupie who doesn't act her age.

"As if boy bands weren't bad enough," he continued, his voice rising dramatically as he unveiled this strange secret, "she's recently fallen in love with Atobe- _sama_ from the 'Pr*nce of Tennis' anime…she even went to the live-action 'Pr*nce of Tennis' musical…something unbefitting her position as a servant of God!"

 _('Don't reveal such private matters!')_ Riku thought, aghast.

"Seriously…" Sister Fortesia(?) chuckled, "such a foolish complaint…."

"Sister?" Kain asked, alarmed.

"If you hadn't said anything, you wouldn't have had to endure true pain…."

She pressed the button on a remote she held in her hand, and three more dog-bot golems burst out of the ground around Kain and Kazumi.

"Those are…!" Riku began.

"There are _more_ of them!?" Hinagiku barked, brandishing her weapon.

"Of course!" the priest explained dramatically. "I spent most of the church donations buying them, paid good money to Mikado Hyper Energy and Makimura Shiori! By the way, these are _five times_ more powerful than the previous one!"

"Shouldn't we do something about _him_ first?" Riku demanded of Hinagiku, who barely kept herself from agreeing.

"Honestly," the fake sister sighed, "I planned this so well, but in the end, I still had to resort to physical violence…not too good, I have to admit."

"Sister, what's this about!?" Kain barked.

"What's this about, you ask?" she smiled cheerfully at him, playfully cupping her cheek with her hand. "It means that I'm not really a nun from this church…."

"So, the punchline is that you're a man, and a male priest?" Kain quipped.

" _That's not it_ ," she growled. She calmed down and continued, "I found a place to sneak in here. I tricked the real Sister Fortesia into leaving and gave the principal of Mahora Academy false information about this dungeon here, offering it to him as a training ground for a particularly special teacher, the prodigy Kain Lockeheart. The purpose for all this is… _revenge_ against Kain Lockeheart!"

As she proclaimed the final words, a gigantic robot burst out of the ground underneath her, and she rose into the air in its palm. This beast had a great skull-like robotic mask, with two horns protruding from its head.

"You made it all so easy!" the fake sister crowed. "You came all the way here, never even suspecting that it was a trap! Now all of you will die right here!"

"But, I'm already dead," Linn said proudly.

"Stop bragging," Kain muttered to him.

"Now, let's finish this!" the nun proclaimed.

"Ngh! I didn't expect it to be cooler-looking than my robots," Linn growled.

"This is no time to worry about that!" Riku insisted.

"This is pretty bad," Kain agreed. _('Especially since I can't use magic in these conditions….')_

"I-it's amazing," Kazumi said in fearful awe.

"It sure is…" Hinagiku muttered. "How can we possibly defeat something like that?" She heard a strange sound and felt something unyielding as her foot came into contact with an object below. She looked down and saw a very large power cable, running from the bottom of the robot to a huge nearby electrical outlet in a pillar. "Hmm?"

The sister still hadn't finished her rant, restarting it every time the ever-polite Kain was ready to ask just _why_ she was interested in revenge against him. "Now it's time to send you all to the next world…" she began. Suddenly the robot began to wobble and half-collapsed as it shut down. "Eh!? Eh!? What!?"

"Um," Hinagiku offered unnecessarily, calling attention to herself. She held the massive plug in her hands, removed from its outlet.

"Ah! Why did you unplug it!? Why!?" demanded the not-Sister-Fortesia. "It might break down if you suddenly unplug it like that! This was very expensive, you know!"

"Ah…s-sorry," Hinagiku apologized.

"A giant robot with a power cord?" Riku muttered. "What is this? An Eva?"

 _('Why do I have people like this after my life…?')_ Kain thought.

"Don't drop your guard yet!" the priest insisted. "There are still my dog robots!"

Alarmed, the group turned to stare at the smaller robots…but they were panicking, for some reason, because the 'boss' had been defeated. Then they ran away.

 _('People like this…after my life…')_ Kain thought.

"In any case," he said aloud to the crying villainess, "you said something about revenge against me, right? What do you have against me, anyway? What did I do to you?"

The woman's attention was taken from her stricken robot and her dramatic fury returned. She confidently took a step forward and declared, "You…you really need a reminder!? I'll tell you! I'll tell you about my father's…."

"Um…" Kain interrupted tremulously, "if you assume that kind of pose, we can see up your dress…."

The woman flushed as instinct took over, and she stepped back and threw her hands down protectively to close up the viewing angle. "Y-you can't see…if I sit down, right?"

Kain's three students shot him varied degrees of interesting looks, but Kain replied, striving to ignore them, "Yes, that's right…well…please continue…."

"Right…my family is from Greece…it was once a prosperous family from the 'inner world', but my great-grandfather and grandfather didn't care for that kind of life and instead took to being simple fishermen! Then my father decided that he wanted to rejoin that society, so he made contact with the local group!

"He was given a task to rejoin, but his efforts were thwarted by someone who he believed was a member of the Lockeheart family, an American with blazing red hair and a white cloak, ten years ago!"

"I see…" Riku said. "So, you want revenge for someone from Kain's family…a 'Lockeheart'…stopped your father from rejoining the mafia or something?"

"No! It was what happened after that that was the problem! My father decided to give up trying to rejoin the 'inner world' and go to Japan to become a chef instead! But then he ate blowfish that he hadn't prepared properly, and he died! If only he hadn't been prevented from rejoining that world…by the Lockehearts…he'd never have turned over a new leaf and gone to Japan and eaten unprepared blowfish and died!"

"What kind of convoluted story is this?" Hinagiku muttered sardonically.

"I sort of get it," Kain said slowly, "but you specifically requested Yoshida- _san_ to accompany me on this, and to go into this trap with me. Do you have something against her, too?"

"Ha! I'm glad you asked! Actually, the main reason I gave you those fool requirements so that you'd be handcuffed without any competent help in trying to take care of this dungeon!" As Hinagiku and Riku began to twitch at their apparent inclusion in this categorization, the non-nun continued, "But more than that—I was raised by my uncle after my father went away and died, and recently he decided that he would try and rejoin the 'inner world' himself! He was given a special task…and it was to take revenge on the class of Kain Lockeheart, who had somehow become their enemy after an incident in Kyoto that I'm only vaguely aware of! An easy way to prove himself to them! The class was visiting Mykonos Island during their 'Golden Week' vacation! It was a simple task! But somehow the teacher himself appeared, and with the aid of one of his students, a big-breasted girl with short brown hair, he destroyed my uncle's tower and brought him to ruin! Now, I'll have revenge on both of you, for all of this!"

"But I've never been to Mykonos Island…" Kain protested.

"What, are we supposed to believe that a future Kain- _sensei_ time-traveled back to the island to stop the plot with Kazumi- _san_?" Hinagiku wondered. "Even our regular readers wouldn't believe such a far-fetched story…."

"I remember Kazumi- _chan_ claiming she saw Kain- _sensei_ on the beach one night during the trip," Riku offered. "She ran off after him and disappeared. If we had such a neat adventure go on during Golden Week, though, why isn't one of these side stories focusing on that?"

"I-I thought I dreamed seeing Kain- _sensei_ ," Kazumi marveled. "I woke up that morning in my bed, and I still can't remember anything that happened that night…."

"So I swore to my father and my uncle!" the woman cried, jumping down from the robot's hand, her fists clenching tonfa. "I swore to take revenge on the Lockeheart family and everyone connected with them!"

 _('Where did she get those tonfa from? Is she really a mage?')_ Kain dodged back from the attack. "Please, Sister, I don't want to fight you!"

"Save it!" she snapped. "You have some overly-noble distaste for fighting women? It just makes my job that much easier!" She was surprisingly fast, and Kain couldn't dodge her latest attack. It sent him flying. "Now I'll avenge my father's death! You will all..."

There was a solid collision sound as Hinagiku's magical _bokken_ intercepted the tonfa. "Wha!?"

"Seriously…just don't give us any trouble, all right?"

"Hinagiku- _san_!" Kain cried.

"You're too slow, Kain- _sensei_ ," the girl teased him. "You were much faster before when you were aiding my _Kendô_ Club. Do pretty girls in front of you instead of behind slow you down?"

As Kain half-laughed with embarrassment, the sister growled and demanded, "Who are you!?"

"Katsura Hinagiku. I'm the Mahora Academy Girls' Middle School Student Council President."

"Hmph…a mere student…don't you mess with me!" With surprising strength and quickness, the woman threw the younger girl off and began to drive her back with surprisingly fast attacks. She thrust straight at Hinagiku's eye, and she just managed to dodge. The blow hit a pillar behind her and smashed a good section out of the column.

"Not bad!" Hinagiku admitted, sweating as she attempted to disengage and ready herself.

"Do you need some backup?"

The combatants stopped and stared as Yukiji came into the light. "Eh? _Onee-chan_?" Hinagiku stared at her sister in surprise, then snapped out, "Don't fool around with me! Even without your help, I can…."

Yukiji raised her hand, and suddenly a massive blast of lightning came down from the sky (ceiling?) and blasted the pair of them. They screamed in pain and collapsed to the ground, quivering and helpless.

Kazumi and Riku stared in shock and panic. Kain, too, stared in surprise.

" _Onee-chan_ …w-what are you…?" Hinagiku gasped.

" _Onee-chan_? Big sister? You mean the owner of this body?" Yukiji jerked a thumb at herself. Her eyes…well, honestly, they were as mad as usual, but a new camera shot reveals an 'M' on her forehead, a cursive character that should look quite familiar to certain anime connoisseurs.

"Um, Father…" Kain demanded of the priest, "could it be…?"

"Yes. She seems to have been possessed by the most powerful evil spirit lurking in this dungeon…."

"But…how did it take over her body?" Hinagiku queried.

The Yukiji demon chuckled. "When I told her I'd give her a million yen to loan me her body, she couldn't agree fast enough."

 _('_ Onee-chan _!')_ Hinagiku thought in shock.

The debauched possessed teacher speeded over to the unplugged cable and restored power to the giant robot. "Now, since I have a new body," she explained as she then took her place in the robot's palm of power position, "and all of you as sacrifices, it's time to test this body to its full extent…."

"Now even the robot's been taken over?" Kain said. He turned and surveyed his charges. Riku was reliable, but even she was only a burden if it had come down to this. Despite all the madness they were seeing, it still wasn't actually a violation of the magical secret…not yet…but if Kain went all-out to stop the evil spirit in Yukiji's body, it soon would be. He decided to trust his reliable, sensible student.

"Riku- _san_ …I think I can deal with this situation, but I can't while everyone's here and in danger. Can you get them out of here? I'm counting on you."

"Of course," Riku said easily. "I have no idea what kind of mad play the principal's cooked up that's put us in this insane position, but I get that it's time to leave it to you. We'll get everyone out of here." She turned to a single dog robot that was running in circles frantically; it had been somehow too confused to properly run away. "You! Dog boy!" The machine snapped to life and saluted in fear at Riku's commanding rebuke. "You pick up the sister here and carry her to safety…."

"I-I'll try to help too," Kazumi offered. "I know I'm not much help, but…."

"That's fine…the two of us will get Hinagiku- _san_ out of here. Let's go!"

As the girls picked up their stricken classmate, Hinagiku called out to Kain. "Um…Kain- _sensei_ …that _is_ my sister…."

"Of course, I understand…" Kain began.

"So…please beat her to within an inch of her money-grubbing life…" Hinagiku finished.

"A-ah…." Kain was initially surprised by this particular display of sisterly affection, but, he realized, considering the two of them, it finally made sense to him. "Um…right…."

"Tch…who said I need _your_ help?" the sister demanded as the five of them (including the burden-bearing robot) started away.

"I really don't know what half of what you're talking about means, with 'inner world' and all this other nonsense," Riku replied flippantly. "All I know is, it's pretty obvious that you don't really have any talent at being evil. I think you could learn lessons from our class, not that I'd recommend it. In any case, I think you should give up on looking for revenge and try living an honest life…I think our chapel at Mahora could use another sister, and I'm sure the principal would welcome you…."

"So, you've had your students and even your enemy escape?" boomed Yukiji above. "You're planning to sacrifice yourself to save them? Very admirable! Very noble, it brings me to tears! But it's pointless! And don't even think about trying to defeat me! I'm a disembodied spirit created by the grudge of a butler who perished, unable to protect his master!"

"A butler?" Kain asked, bewildered.

"Yes! This dungeon was originally the Tiger's Den for Butlers, a place for worthless and incompetent butlers to go to for retraining and rehabilitation, so that they could learn to actually serve their masters! That's why the medal you're after is called the Butler Medal!"

"Really?" Kain asked the priest.

"Yes. I needed more funds to expand the dungeon, so I converted it for that use, so that they could prove themselves by fighting to the Butler Medal!"

"How is that supposed to prove they have the proper butler skills?" Kain demanded. "Do they butle their way through the dungeon?" He shook his head. "In any case, why did this so-called Tiger's Den for Butlers shut down?"

"Why do you think?" Yukiji said. "There wasn't enough of a demand for butler retraining because there aren't that many butlers around here!"

 _('What a convincing reason,')_ Kain thought, almost surprised that _anything_ on this crazy adventure made a modicum of sense.

"In any case, you're doomed! This woman I've possessed is your comrade, right? Will you be able to strike your own _nakama_!?"

 _('That's true…the thought of hurting Katsura-_ sensei _is…is….')_

Flashing through Kain's mind were the various injuries she had inflicted on him, from trying to brutalize him after his first arrival, to nearly hitting him in the dark when he went to retrieve a room key, to stealing Alyssa's victory so that he had to commence this whole insane adventure in the first place….

"You know, somehow I feel this joke has been used before, but I really believe that it's a thought that's quite worth bearing," Kain finished aloud. "I'd hardly call her a _nakama_ , either. In fact, I'd almost call her 'my mortal enemy'."

"W-what!?" Yukiji cried, aghast. "W-well, whatever! There's no way you can stand up against this robot and my power…!"

"It's quite a challenge," the priest agreed. "Can you really do it?"

Kain smiled viciously. "Who do you really take me for? I couldn't do anything in front of my students, but I'm a powerful and skilled mage, and it's about time I unleash some magic." He spread his hands out and began to chant. "Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows, buried in the flow of time…."

"W-wait a minute! Wait a minute! That spell is…."

"In thy great name I pledge myself to darkness! Let the fools who stand before me be destroyed by the power you and I possess!"

The black-red chaos energy gathered in Kain's hands as he held them up, cupped above his head.

"You can't use that spell! It's not allowed! And you can't possibly know it!" Yukiji screamed.

"First of all:" Kain replied, "of course I know this spell. I'm childhood friends with Lina Inverse, after all, and I'm at least as good a mage as she is. Secondly: of course it's allowed. The only reason I haven't used it before is because I didn't really have a good opportunity to unleash a spell with such wide-ranging destruction. Here, deep underneath this church in this stupid dungeon…it's the perfect hidden place to unleash it, and needed to destroy something so big."

"B-but your comrade…! To actually kill her…!"

"Actually, that's not a problem either. Laws of Anime Comedy provide that this spell unrealistically does massive damage to terrain while only actually killing demons and monsters, and never humans. Especially stupidly strong comedy characters like Katsura Yukiji. Bye-bye, demon!" And Kain finally unleashed the spell.

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…or, rather, actually quite close at hand, Isumi, standing at the corpse of the failed butler, completed the spell to exorcise the butler's spirit. And the control over Yukiji lifted just in time for her to look around and see the massive spell about to hit her.

"Eh!? Ah! Wait…!"

Boom.

8-8-8

"Well…" the real Sister Fortesia began carefully, "…I did ask you to exterminate the evil spirits, but…for the entire church to be gone is a bit much…."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Isumi apologized profusely, even though it wasn't her fault.

"One million yen! I was promised a million yen! Where is it!?" Yukiji demanded.

"You'd better settle for this medal we found," Hinagiku replied with a sigh.

"A-are you really all right, Kain- _sensei_? What did you do…?" Kazumi asked.

"Ah…the priest had some super explosive traps down there, and in the end using them was the only thing I could do…."

"Can I really work for Mahora now?" the fake nun asked.

"I think you'd better," Riku replied. "You might be held partially responsible for the cost to the church…."

And, a little ways apart, the ghost of the priest considered the matter. "Oh, well…my church and my dungeon are both gone…guess I'll just stay as a wandering spirit for a while…."

He turned to skip away giddily, knowing that almost no one could see him, only to immediately see a young woman clad in black in front of him. Momo drew her sword and swiftly put the bottom of her hilt to the priest's forehead.

"W-what!? N-no! I still want to peep on maaaaaiiiiiidddddssssssss!" he moaned as the _konsô_ (soul burial) sent him onward to the Soul Society.

Momo sheathed her sword and frowned. "What a strange scene," she muttered. "And that spirit…somehow, he felt more disturbing than many hollows I've fought…."

8-8-8

"Well, that was certainly not what I expected," the principal sighed as Kain once again settled into the chair in front of him. "We'll have to pay for the church now…."

"I destroyed it, I'll pay for it," Kain said quickly.

The old man looked at him with amusement. "Oho…do you know how much a building like that costs? Well, you do have all your father's funds, but still…no, it's our responsibility. We should have paid better attention to what was going on in the first place. I apologize. This whole matter was, as you guessed, just a bit of a game on our part, a chance to ruffle up Alyssa- _chan_ some and see how she's progressing, and to see how well you've done. The young woman, Sonia Shaflnarz, is part of an old Greek family that once was part of the magical world but, due to dwindling powers and a loss of interest in the magical society, settled down to become simple fishermen a few generations ago. Apparently they've made recent attempts to rejoin, but their contacts…were not regular reliable members of the Greek Magical Society. I hesitate to say it, but…they may have been members of the Obsidian Star, allies of Pakrov Eminus, who attacked you in Kyoto…."

Kain nodded. "Yes…part of what she was babbling about seemed to indicate that…I wonder if they duped her by talking about Lockehearts interfering with them, or…."

"We don't know, for certain. There's no record of their family doing any magic, recently or ten years ago, although it is true that the uncle she mentioned disappeared during Golden Week and hasn't been seen since. In any case, the Alexia Marco Church…has, shall we say, a somewhat sad history with our school, and its priests were always magically-aware individuals who helped as informants for us about various activities and goings-on in the city until Linn Regiostar took over about five years ago. He spent all the church funds on that silly dungeon and eventually died to it, but we had no idea how much trouble he'd actually caused. After his death, Sister Fortesia took over taking care of the place, and she, at least, wasn't corrupt, but she was always more interested in boy bands than magic, and so we've just let it be. Recently, however, the evil spirits began to awake in force, so Sister Fortesia requested our help. Somewhere along the way, Miss Sonia inserted herself into the situation and tricked us all into getting you down there with your non-magical students—something I never intended, and never would have agreed to, even not knowing the actual danger it possessed—in an attempt to seek revenge. Miss Sonia seems a somewhat troubled soul, but not really a bad sort, so as long as she's willing to give up revenge and you're okay with her, we'll have the sisters at our chapel take care of her for a while."

Kain shrugged. "It's fine with me. I'm merciful enough, especially to girls, as long as she's really given up on revenge against me. If she tries anything again, I'd like her deported back to Greece immediately, but…."

"Yes, yes, of course. Now, as to your trial…well…with all said and done, obviously you've done far more than should have reasonably been asked of you, and you managed to do it all while keeping all of your secrets safe…somehow. The wild imaginations of our students allow them to almost matter-of-factly accept robots, evil spirits and the like without equating anything to magic, fortunately, as long as actual mages and spells aren't mentioned.

"So, go ahead and get some much-needed rest, Kain- _kun_ …you've more than earned it."

He didn't have to tell Kain twice.

Kamo chuckled as he materialized on Kain's shoulder as the latter left the room. "Ah, wow," the ermine said. "That was some little adventure. You had quite some fun there…."

"If you were watching the whole time, you could have helped out, given some advice, something," Kain growled.

"What could I do? You were surrounded by normals, so I couldn't say anything, and it would have looked suspicious if your pet came out of nowhere. Besides, you handled it fine….

"In any case, forget about it…you have some time to rest, but then the major School Festival will begin, and I get the feeling that'll be _real_ crazy for you…."

Kain wandered off back to his dorm and let Kamo ride silently on his shoulder. Kamo, despite his apparent ease, was lost in thought about the Golden Week trip to Mykonos. He never mentioned it to Kain—it wouldn't do any good and would only worry him—but the truth was, he did sense some strange tremors of magic during those days…even from half a world away….

F I N

 _Author's Note: Character Introduction: Sonia Shaflnarz/Sister Fortesia and Linn Regiostar_

 _The big crazy adventure has finally ended. Kain has survived the surprisingly eventful athletic festival and all accompanying craziness._

 _The marathon/dungeon adventure was simply too much fun to pass up in a fantasy-based stealing-from-Hayate-like-mad world, so I adjusted it to make some sort of sense. Of course, the trouble with integrating it was that the origin of Sonia's grudge against the Sanzennin family originates from Hayate's time-traveling trip from Mykonos, which had been in a bonus chapter but wasn't even a fact yet for the young butler-in-debt, leaving him completely ignorant. Of course, I had the trip in here, but Kain didn't go…I already made that abundantly clear and joked about it in the story and commented about it in the author's notes. So I had to come up with some sort of reason for revenge, especially since the Sanzennin family and her father's assassination attempt against them that Hayate foiled could not really enter this at all. I came up with a reason, but right now, it's only confusion…don't worry. I will come back to this adventure eventually, I promise, and we'll see what it all means and how it plays out. It is going to involve some time-travel, and that means…._

 _Anyway, Sonia is a character I don't really like much, but that I didn't feel like trying to replace with something unique…she's not really in it enough to make her worth replacing, just like the two butlers Kain had to battle in the last side-story (the athletic festival). So I included her as-is, and she's been pretty much described. Her magical connections (and she does have a modicum of magical power) help explain why she is surprisingly strong, perhaps even stronger than Hinagiku with a magic weapon (speaking of which, in the original manga it takes a liking to her and abandons Isumi to go back to her, much to the little girl's chagrin, but in this story she gets Shirozakura as her artifact weapon, so she doesn't need it—it'll stay with Isumi). She has a bit of an obsession with money and a bit of a villainous streak (despite her lack of true villainous tendencies) which will assert itself more in the next side-story, but never again. And don't worry—she won't actually try any more revenge on Kain, just as she never did on Hayate or Nagi; she honestly gave up true evil at that point._

 _One of the reasons I'm not fond of her is that, originally, the reliable person Hayate takes along is Wataru, Nagi's same-age fiancé (much to the disgust of both) and childhood friend, and he takes charge in saving the stricken girls and getting them out, and his gallantry and poise causes Sonia (a girl in her early twenties) to fall in love with him. This_ shotacon _situation is somewhat deplorable, and luckily is auto-rejected because Riku is a girl. Okay, I could have…but no, obviously it isn't even worth mentioning. On the one hand, it takes away the main reason Sonia has to give up on revenge (she has another focus now), so I'll have to replace that, but I don't have to worry about the stupidity of the_ shotacon _(times many…sadly, the only other semi-cool male in Hayate the Combat Butler, Wataru, has harem problems nearly as bad as Hayate's). In any case, I'll likely not have her do anything more than have her bit part in the next side story, but she's also attached to the chapel now in case I ever come up with an epiphany of something to do with it._

 _And, concerning Linn Regiostar…the priest actually becomes a semi-important character, and still is, sadly, having attached himself to Hayate after the destruction of his dungeon and church. He creates a few random scenarios with his antics, and generally causes mischief. After a while, Hayate, Sakuya (for some reason) and Isumi are the only ones who can see him, which leads to all sorts of zaniness. Linn is a pervert with an especially large maid fetish, almost amusingly so...at one point he's about to use Sakuya's body after possessing it to go and peep on the maid Maria while she's changing to go into the bath, but upon finding that she's already_ in _the bath, he becomes depressed and sulks, because there's no point…she's not actually a maid if she's not wearing clothes….uh, whatever. I hate him. Despite all the comedy situations he creates, I hate him, and it gives me great pleasure to allow Momo to_ konsô _him. No, he won't be returning for any reason. Goodbye, stupid, twisted, crazy priest._

 _So, anyway, on to the next side story…and the final one before we resume our regularly-scheduled program…._


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: This is a nonprofit fictional story, a FanFiction based on Ken Akamatsu's Negima. I do not own Negima, or most of the other characters included in this work, excepting where it is stated in the author's notes. It is not intended or presented for any commercial profit or personal gain; it is simply a story written for personal fulfillment and presented for public enjoyment, and as an honest homage to the fine story conceived and written by Ken Akamatsu, as well as all the other (innumerable) works that find place herein (and their authors).

Side Story Eight: Of Robbers and Thieves

 _[This story takes place during Act 4, in the middle of June, shortly before the Festival begins, between chapters one and two.]_

8-8-8

Monday, a class reunion. Twelve thousand yen.

Tuesday, a social gathering. Twenty-four thousand yen.

Wednesday, a distressed teachers' counseling meeting. Thirty-one thousand yen.

Monday through Sunday, parties, after parties, and after-after parties. Priceless!

Yukiji stared at the twelve yen in her hand—a paltry sum that would barely be a single American dime. "I wonder why money disappears?" she wondered philosophically.

[Note: because you spend it.]

"Not good! Not good at all! It's still ten days until payday! With 12 yen, I can't even afford to buy bean sprouts! No, maybe I could afford some bean sprouts, but they won't fill up my stomach! I just can't imagine those would be filling! I can't even stuff myself with bean sprouts! What a miserable situation!"

[Note: it's called getting what you deserve, aka 'Karma'.]

"So," Yukiji explained, "that's why I want to stuff myself with bean sprouts. Please lend me some money."

Hinagiku's face smiled at her sister, but her anger veins were obviously throbbing. "Why should I care about bean sprouts, you idiot!?" she finally burst out, evicting Yukiji from her office.

"Ehh!? But they're little sprouts like this that grow from soybeans, and they have some nutritional value, and…."

"I don't mean that!" Hinagiku huffed. "What I meant was, I'm not going to loan you any money!"

"Ehh!? You're not going to lend me any!? Your only sister!?"

"What do you expect!? I've already loaned you 40,000 yen! First of all, don't you think it's shameful? Isn't it shameful to always have to borrow money from a sister twelve years younger than you!?"

"No, I don't."

"You ought to!"

"Ah, I see. Maybe I put it the wrong way. Let me rephrase this. Give me money, now."

"That's even worse!"

"So you're not going to loan me any money, no matter what?"

"No, I'm not loaning you any!"

"Eh!? You'll give me 5,000 yen!?"

"I didn't say that! Stop making things up!"

"Tch! Then you leave me no choice. I'll have to borrow from a loan company somewhere…."

If Hinagiku was angry before, she was furious now. It went beyond the shouting stage…she demonstrated her anger first by manifesting her artifact (so quickly Yukiji couldn't even see what was happening) and putting the blade in her older sister's face, and then saying in a voice that, despite its softness, was more powerful and terrible than her loudest shouts, "Do you remember why our real mother and father ran away, leaving us behind?"

"Umm…wasn't it because they borrowed about 80 million yen from loan companies and loan sharks…?" Yukiji replied, as if unsure of the answer.

"That's right. And as a result of that, didn't the two of us end up homeless, wandering around the city in the dead of winter? And wasn't it because we had no place to go that we slept in the park and nearly froze to death?"

"Wow, Hina, even though you were only five, you have such vivid memories of that time…."

"So if you borrow even _one yen_ from loan sharks…." Hinagiku reached over, grabbed Yukiji by the collar of her shirt and pulled her in so she could glare into her eyes. "… _I will never forgive you!_ "

"Ah…can't…breathe…I can't breathe, Hina…."

"You got that, _Onee-chan_?" Hinagiku demanded, releasing her.

"Ah…yes…I get it…I understand. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry."

Once she was safely back out on the street, she once again examined the paltry coins in her hand. "But I can't buy anything to eat with only 12 yen…." She sighed and pocketed the change. "Ah…I'm starving…." She paused as she spotted a familiar figure walking cheerfully down the street, right in front of a restaurant. "Hmm?"

She had hit a very evil brainstorm….

8-8-8

"So that's why I'm wondering if you know of any high-paying jobs?"

"Um…a high-paying job?"

The two were now seated inside the nearby family restaurant, Deathny's. Yukiji had asked her _kohai_ to grab a cup of coffee with her while they discussed a 'serious matter', and although Kain was leery of Yukiji's schemes, he was also polite and obliging, and decided that he could at least hear her out. So, he considered her question with at least as much seriousness as he could muster.

"As for myself, I really don't know of any jobs that pay better than being a teacher at Mahora Academy," Kain explained.

Yukiji, already surrounded by empty food plates and only half listening, called out, "Ah, excuse me. Another extra-large order of curry rice, please."

Kain stared at the other's meal. "You sure do eat a lot," he managed.

Yukiji laughed. "I've been so hungry…."

Kain sighed, put down his empty tea cup, and rose to leave. "In any case, I have things to do, so I better get going. If you're having money issues, I can only advise you to live more frugally…."

"Oh, you forgot the check," Yukiji called.

Kain paused, then turned to look at her. She held the paper up before his eyes. All told, the bill came to about 13,526 yen with tax included.

" _Huh_?"

"Well, I have only 12 yen, so…."

Realization of his _senpai_ 's situation and planning dawned on Kain. "So, you thought I could pay for it for you? What makes you think I have any money?"

"Eh? Aren't you made of money? Your suit looks like a business executive power suit, and your bizarre cloak screams money! Can't you at least treat me to curry rice?"

"You've eaten a lot more than curry rice!" Kain scolded. "Anyway, why should you assume I have money? I'm a fourteen-year-old child teacher of Mahora Academy. I teach only a single class. Most of my expenses are taken directly out of that check. Someone who teaches a full day's worth of classes should make a lot more money!"

In fact, although the situation hasn't come up yet (except very briefly at the end of the last side story), the truth is that Kain is, in fact, independently wealthy. His father acquired a great deal of wealth over the course of his adventuring career and his companions made sure that Kain had access to all those funds (for all his necessities, at least) after his father's disappearance. Since Kain wasn't particularly interested in any of the trappings that usually came with great wealth—his obsessions lay in other areas—he had well more than he could ever use. However, the last thing he wanted to do was indulge this twisted individual. Among other things, he sensed that Hinagiku would be disappointed in him if he did.

Yukiji sighed. "Well, there's nothing we can do but call the principal and have him do something about it."

"No, no…that's not the correct way to use a phrase like, 'There's nothing we can do.' I absolutely refuse to do that!" _('One way or another, you'll take responsibility for your own actions….')_

Yukiji picked up her plate and began to wolf down more food. "How are we going to get out of this, then?" she asked.

"First off, _put down that curry rice_." He sighed. "Well, do you have anyone who might be able to bring you money?" he asked without hope.

"Ah, no…I don't even have a cell phone. If I had money to buy something like that, I would spend it on drinks."

 _('This person is so….')_ "But doesn't that make it inconvenient to meet up with people?"

"No problem!" she replied cheerfully. "I just sponge off whomever I happen to find, so I don't need to worry about meeting up with someone all the time."

"Well, do you remember anyone's phone number?"

"Only Hina's cell number, but if you call her, she'll kill you."

 _('You, more likely. I'd almost like to see that….')_

"Well, at any rate, we have to do something…." She rose suddenly. "Ah, I need to hit the restroom…."

Kain grabbed her arm. "No, I'm not falling for that."

"Eh!?"

"You're planning to escape by pretending to go the restroom, right?

"What? What are you saying!? I'd never do such a thing!"

"Don't lie so blatantly. I've been working with you long enough, Katsura- _sensei_ , I know how your twisted mind works."

"H-how terrible! You don't trust your own _senpai_?"

 _('Seriously…I can't trust her for more than a moment. Not that this bill really means anything to me, but no way am I going to give her the impression that I'm someone she can just sponge off of. Furthermore, I should do my best to try and fix her twisted personality as best I can…although that may be a lost cause….')_

 _('Tch!')_ thought Yukiji in reply. _('You wouldn't think it, but this boy isn't as naïve as I thought; he's pretty sharp to have seen through my strategy so quickly. I guess I did hear that he was friends with that famous money-grubbing sorceress Lina Inverse, but still, I can't stick around here! I still have ten more days until payday!')_

"Looks like this is a 'kill or be killed' situation."

"It's an interesting battle. By the way, the curry rice is pretty good here."

The two new speakers were Sonia Shaflnarz, the fake sister, and Himuro Saeki, the high school pretty-boy butler, who had somehow slipped into their booth on the seats across from Yukiji as the pair exchanged their death-stare and were now consuming quantities of food. Kain started. "Saeki- _san_! And Sister! What on earth are you two doing here?"

"Doing a dine-and-dash, of course."

"What do you mean, of course!? Don't you have any money?" _('This day just keeps getting better and better,')_ Kain thought.

"Of course not," Himuro said.

"Excuse me, would you bring a large portion of rice with the steak combo?" Sonia called.

"Don't order anything!"

Yukiji laughed. "Well," she began as she started to leave the booth, "since you guys are enjoying yourselves, I'd better…." A rose suddenly cut off both her words and her point of escape, stabbing into the cushion mere inches from her face.

"I've heard the TV show _Gochi ni Narimasu_ has been on for seven years already," Himuro said mildly, referencing a 'The Price Is Right'-like Japanese game show where the contestants have to guess at their dinner total, with the loser picking up the tab.

 _('Tch! Now it's even harder to escape!')_ Yukiji thought desperately.

8-8-8

Meanwhile, one person, at least, was feeling a bit of remorse over her actions.

 _('I wonder if I was too harsh,')_ Hinagiku thought from the safety of her great office in the Student Council Building. _('Maybe I should have loaned her a little more….')_

She shook her head and renewed her inner determination. _('No…no way! If I spoil her like that, she'll never…..')_

The television was on, and a news flash announcement suddenly caught her attention and cut off her thoughts. "…A violent armed robber is still at large. Police are warning the residents in the area to…."

Hinagiku paid attention to the program and noted the suspected location of the robber. _('Oh, that's around here…a violent robber….')_

8-8-8

Kain still stood next to the table, watching the three people engaged in their eat-to-the-death standoff. _('Not good…this situation is still a deadlock. If I make the wrong move, I'll end up paying for all four people…or, worse, they might all escape without paying the restaurant at all! But these people are just wolfing down food, even though they have no money….')_

He sighed to himself. _('Well, I suppose I can at least get out of this situation so that I won't be their patsy. And maybe I'll call a policeman to come down and handle this situation so these vagrant souls will learn the errors of their ways…the cell phone is a useful tool for this kind of situation. If I try to make an actual call, they'd pounce on me, but it's only natural to answer an incoming call. Letting it ring would be a bother to the other customers, after all.')_

He carefully transferred his cell phone from his cloak to his pants pocket, then operated it from inside his pocket, letting his memory do the work. He took the phone off of vibrate and set the ring tone to its loudest setting, while using his magic senses to help him pick out the loudest and most troublesome ring tone he had. Then he considered whom to call. His last call had been to…Hinagiku Katsura, he recalled. He had been coordinating with her in preparation for the School Festival. Yes, she was a meticulous person, a dutiful girl who would quickly return the call, even if he instantly cancelled it….

Hinagiku's phone vibrated in her pocket. She removed it and stared at the name of the caller. "Eh? Kain- _sensei_? What could he want now…?"

And then the call stopped suddenly. "W-what?" She thought about the matter. _('W-was it a mistake? No…Kain-_ sensei _doesn't keep his phone in a place where it could dial someone by mistake. Why did it cancel? I-is something wrong? Should I call him back? Ah, but if something were really wrong…if it were an emergency…he would probably call me with his contract card, right? Unless he couldn't, for some reason….')_

 _('C'mon, Hina…')_ Kain thought. _('Help me out here…this strategy is….')_

Suddenly from his pocket came a roar, "A nightingale in a golden cage, that's me locked inside reality's maze…."

"Oops!" Kain said with an almost relieved laugh. "Well, since I'm receiving a call, I better answer it outside. I might annoy everyone if I answer it here!"

Yukiji stared in shock and then ground her teeth as Kain walked away, pulling his cell phone out. _('Damn—he got me! I didn't foresee that tactic!')_

 _('Farewell, everyone,')_ Kain thought as he answered his phone. _('There will be people along shortly to teach you the errors of your ways.')_ "Ah, Hina! Hello! Yeah, I'm at the Deathny's in Nogata, but…."

Caught up as he was in the pride of his victory, he didn't notice the threatening presence until it was right in front of him. The man(?) was carrying an AK-47 in his hands (where did he get that in Japan?), and had on a camouflage hoodie and wore a mask that would be familiar to certain anime buffs, a mask of a face with seven eyes (three on the right of his face, four on the left) and no other proper facial features. The man snatched the cell phone out of Kain's hand and tossed it to the ground, breaking it under his foot.

As Kain yelped in shock and dismay at his shattered valuable, the robber burst out, "Be quiet! Ahm takin' over this here rest-o-raunt!"

"Nice! Nice assist!" Yukiji called out from her booth.

 _('What's nice about this!?')_ Kain thought.

8-8-8

Men wearing Evangelion Adam masks and carrying AK-47s while dressed in camouflage hoodies do not go unnoticed down the street, not even in twisted comedy versions of Tokyo like this one. It wasn't long before a collection of cop cars were parked in barricade mode in front of the restaurant.

The captain, a well-grayed old man with slicked-back hair, wearing a trench coat and carrying, oddly, a four-leaf-clover in his mouth, sighed. "I sure don't like being old," he muttered. "It's already June, but it feels like the wind is piercing my body…."

"Captain," called a technician from his laptop nearby. "We have a connection to the security cameras inside the restaurant."

"Good. Well? How's it look in there?"

"I can't get the audio, but there are currently four hostages. The suspect doesn't seem to have any accomplices, but he's armed with a lethal weapon and is extremely dangerous."

"I see."

"But…I wonder which one is the suspect."

"Are you referring to the fact that no one could see the suspect's face when he entered? You're still a rookie…you can _sense_ a criminal by his aura…."

"Ahm an armed robber!" declared the robber, perhaps unnecessarily. "Y'all just stay put! Otherwise, I'll…."

Yukiji reached over and grasped him by his hood, then tossed him bodily into their booth. The man was obviously quite surprised and shaken by this treatment. "Wha!? What're yew doin'!? Why, yew!"

"You just sit down right there," Yukiji said with a menacing and threatening smile, "and _order something_."

Somehow even the man's expressionless mask seemed to indicate his concern and discomfort with this nonsensical turn of events. "Wh-who are yew guys!? Don't y'all see this here gun? No lie, this here's a real…."

A bevy of roses suddenly impaled the front of the weapon. "I see," Himuro said nonchalantly. "It does appear to be real. My roses had a hard time piercing it."

"Yikes! M-ma gun…! Who are yew!? All of y'all!? Who are yew guys…!?"

As he began to rise from the table, Sonia was suddenly standing next to him, with a pistol pressed against his mask. "For the time being, why don't you take a seat, so we can talk?"

"Yeek! What!? What is this!? Who are yew guys…!?"

Outside, the two officers stared at the video feed. "Well?" asked the captain. "Which one is our suspect?" Somehow, it _was_ now hard to tell….

"Why don't you look at their auras?" replied the younger man.

Inside, Kain did his best to calm the situation. "Now, now," he soothed. "Why don't you calm down?" He handed a cup of tea to the would-be robber.

"Huh?"

"It's safer for a hostage not to excite the criminals too much," he explained.

"Wh-who are you calling criminals!? Who!?" Yukiji demanded.

"When did we commit a crime!?" Sonia protested.

"Isn't everything you three have done since you entered a crime!?" Kain barked. "If what you've been doing can't be labeled a crime, we wouldn't need any laws to begin with!"

"R-rotten politicians…" Yukiji muttered, settling into one of her semi-random protests.

"It's your head that's rotten, _Sensei_. In any case, I can see through your scheme."

"Eh!? W-what are you talking about?"

"You're assuming that if he's a robber, he should have the money he's stolen, so you're thinking of ripping him off to pay your own bill, aren't you?"

The robber, who had in his panic managed to scramble back to his feet outside the booth and had removed the roses from his weapon, stared at the older teacher. "Eh!? That's really low!"

"N-no it's not! It's just a way of laundering money!"

"First of all, I don't think it is! Second of all, there's no difference in the lack of morality in the action!" Kain snapped.

"Tch! W-well…never mind that…." Yukiji pointed dramatically at her assembled opponents. "In any case, one of us five is going to have to pay the 40,000 yen check, all right!?"

"Eh!?" cried the robber. "No, no! Ah didn't order anythin'!"

"Don't you know?" Yukiji explained. "Japanese-style pubs often have a service charge just for sitting at the table. The service charge here is 50,000 yen."

"That there service charge is way too expensive! First of all, Ah need this here money! Ah need this here money to buy medicine for ma sickly sister!"

This brought the combating diners up short. "Eh? Your sickly…sister…?"

Speaking of sisters, Hinagiku had arrived at the scene. _('Umm…is this the place Kain-_ sensei _mentioned earlier?')_ She looked around. _('But I wonder why there's a crowd. And there seem to be a lot of policemen, too….')_

"Your sickly sister?" Kain repeated for the benefit of the screen-swapping.

"That's…that's right. Ah have a younger sister…but she's gotten really sick, and ta cure her will take lotsa money. But since we're dirt poor, there's no way we could pay them there medical expenses…but, Ah wanted to save her…so…so…so Ah became a robber ta get the money!"

"Fool!" screamed Yukiji, sending the robber sailing with a flying kick. His weapon went skittering across the ground.

"What? What are yew doin'?" gasped the would-be robber.

"Committing a robbery for your sickly sister! You really are a fool!" she barked.

"Katsura- _sensei_ …" Kain murmured.

"You don't understand your sister at all!" continued Yukiji in the throes of surprisingly righteous indignation. "Getting money by robbing people at gunpoint!?" In her madness she scooped up said gun and pointed it with surprising aptitude at the robber. "Do you think your sister will be happy about being cured that way!?"

"T-the gun, Katsura- _sensei_ , you shouldn't point the gun like that," Kain pleaded softly.

"Don't you realize that you'll only make your sister sad by doing something like this!?"

"I'm telling you, don't point the gun at other people!"

While this new comedy exchange was going on, the camera pans back outside to Hinagiku. "Excuse me!"

She approached the technician, who turned to address her. "Hmm? Who are you?"

"Umm…I got a call from my friend who might be inside this restaurant, but…."

The captain approached. "So, you're an acquaintance of the hostage?"

"Yes, there's an armed robbery suspect barricaded inside," added the younger policeman.

"An armed robber?" Hinagiku glanced back towards the laptop and saw the live video screen…saw the scene of her older sister pointing her gun at Kain and the former robber. And, inside her, something seemed to die.

 _('Oh, no…_ Onee-chan _…turning to robbery…just because I wouldn't lend you any money….')_

Back inside….

"In any case, I understand your situation." Yukiji still held the gun, but had lowered it, and the robber was almost in tears. "But now you understand that your sister won't be happy if you do this, right?"

"Yeah…but what should Ah do?"

Yukiji laughed. "That's easy. Just hand that disgusting money over to me…."

Enter Hinagiku, who dealt swift justice to the back of Yukiji's head with her sword. "It's your mind that's disgusting, _Onee-chan_!"

Yukiji picked herself up and rubbed the back of her head where she had been struck. "Eh!? Huh? Hina!?"

"I'm really disappointed in you, _Onee-chan_!" Hinagiku barked.

"…Huh?"

"I respected you, but how could you do something like this just because you didn't have any money!? Aren't you the one who taught me that there's something more important than money!?"

" _Huh_? What's this?" Yukiji murmured, not understanding.

"Whatever your reason, don't you realize that if you commit a robbery, you will make your sister sad!? Don't barricade yourself in here! Just turn yourself in! Now!"

"Yes…."

The large man approached penitently. "Ah'm…turning myself in…."

Hinagiku turned to stare at him, then glanced over at Kain and Yukiji and pointed at the man. "Who's _he_?"

"The robber," the two said in unison.

Hina turned back to stare at the man, still pointing at him, and, her mind numb from shock, just stood there frozen as the police followed the headstrong girl in to take the robber into custody.

"Officer, Ah'm turning myself in…."

"Yeah, leave your sister to me," the captain offered.

"A new treatment has been developed, so you don't need to worry," the aide added.

"…Thank yew very much…."

"All right. The suspect is in custody!"

"Okay, thanks for all your help," the other police officers said as they began to clean up the area.

Hinagiku, finally recovering from her shock at overreacting to a misunderstood situation, blushed fiercely and began to lash out. " _Onee-chan_ , you fool!"

"Ehh!? Why are you lashing out at me!?"

Himuro and Sonia (remember them?), watching this exchange, began to slink out in the confusion. "Well, it seems everyone's having so much fun," Himuro said. "We should take our leave…."

Suddenly a hand fell on the shoulder of each. "Where are we going?" Kain said sweetly. "Before you leave, I think you should explain a little matter about your bill to the cooks…they may have…alternate payment methods if you really need them…."

Some short time later, Kain, Hinagiku and Yukiji were all gathered outside the restaurant, but Hinagiku was still raging. "Idiot! Idiot! _Onee-chan_ , you idiot! _Onee-chan_ , you really are an idiot!"

Yukiji laughed lightly. "I get it. I get it. I get it already, so please lend me some money so I won't have to commit robbery."

"I won't lend you one yen, you idiot!"

Kain watched them go with a sigh. _('Ah…even the regular days are insane now…I just hope the Festival isn't this crazy….')_

F I N

 _Author's Note: Random Silliness_

 _Hayate the Combat Butler is random silliness that, for the most part, I love. That's why I like to integrate so many of its scenarios when I can. Various of the characters create, through their terrible personalities, these crazy stories, and some I don't mind (like Yukiji) while others drive me batty (like the priest). This is one of the more amusing distractions, in my opinion. So I decided to include it._

 _Otherwise, though, I'm not really sure what else I can say here. It was an extremely random Hinagiku/Yukiji moment, and was just there for fun. I gave Kain a chance to dole out punishment to the two other interlopers in this matter, which Hayate didn't get to (they escaped shortly after the robber appeared, originally), but that's about all that's noteworthy._

 _So, the random silliness is over (except for the actual upcoming Negima parts I'm keeping) and the story continues. Onward! With the true story!_


End file.
